You probably think that I’m going to say that biggest problems with being over thirty and single are things like: your clock is ticking, there are not enough eligible men or women out there, or on-line dating is for the birds. But I’m not. You see, most of the things I just listed are opportunities and not problems. The biggest problem with being over thirty and single is YOU. Yes…YOU!
And when I say you…I also include myself in that count because I just joined the Over Thirty and Single club myself. I’ve started to have moments when I feel “old” in regards to where I’d like to be in life. And Im not alone, as I’ve met amazing men and women who’ve shared their stories with me about what it meant to walk out this single life in their late twenties to early forties.
From anxiety about turning 30 to a testimony on feeling better than ever in their later years, it reminded me so much about how much pressure we can put on ourselves when it comes to aging and being in love. Some singles feel that after being an adult for so long that it’s just the “right time” to be married. And when we don’t make it to the altar by a certain age, we feel forgotten or like we’ve missed our timing to achieve that desire in our hearts.
Your deadlines mean nothing….
To be content in your singleness as you get older, refrain from looking at your age as a deadline in your life- – -marriage by this age, kids by this age, and the list of these deadlines can go on. I remember doing that in my twenties, thinking that being single at age 30 was a sign of failure or missing out on something. I can tell you now that I am not missing anything, I am whole because of my identity in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10) and because I’m still living.
If you find yourself sweating at the thought of heading towards another milestone year or decade of life as a single person, then ask yourself this: Where did these negative thoughts come from?
For me, it was family and societal pressures that made it seem like being single in my thirties would make me inadequate because Mr. Right hadn’t shown up yet. So, I have to change the messages that I keep repeating in my head, in my heart and over my life. Am I going to say: “Woe is me.” or ” I’m walking in my best years ever.”
The choice is yours too!
Timing and age are two different things.
Your 20s are not the only years for you to meet someone of substance and get together. With age comes maturity and perhaps a clearer vision of what you want in life. Honestly, I wasn’t ready for marriage at 25. I wasn’t even preparing myself for marriage then, like I am intentionally doing now. I want marriage and kids in the right timing for me. You should want the same for you. And timing and age are two different things, remember that!
Read: 100 Things I’ve Learned As a Single Woman
Stop limiting yourself
You know why I wanted to get married in my twenties? Because that’s all I knew there was for me to do with my life after the age of 30. I had limited myself to just wanting marriage and children. And I know that there are people who want those things and there’s nothing wrong with it because marriage and parenthood are as beautiful as they are challenging. But what I’m saying here is that I was limiting myself to someone else’s vision for me, their timeline, their hopes for my life.
If you have a desire for marriage in your life, that’s beautiful. But what else are you being called to do in this present time of your life? Our options as singles are limitless depending on how you choose to look at things. You can start a business, pursue a dream, create something new to help others, and the list goes on.
I would have never written my book, Journey to 30, if I focused on why I was still single at this age. There is so much that can be done, don’t allow your age or your feelings about aging keep you from trying something that could be achieved before you marry.
BMWK fam, Let’s change the perception. What are you enjoying about living single as you approach each new birthday?