Often times in marriage, your differences speak louder than the things you have in common. She likes to spoon at night, and you want your space. You’re cold all of the time and he’s on a never-ending African safari. And then there’s the BIG one: you like to stay on the go and a perfect day for him is exploring the depths of ESPN’s best programming from his favorite recliner. In other words; one of you is a home body and the other is a busy body. With one spouse that’s always on the go and other one that loves to be at home, it can prove difficult to find a balance between these two key differences.

Here are a few quick tips that work for us and may work for you, too!

Give each other space. Let your spouse be who they are. If he or she likes quiet weekends, doing things around the house, understand that that’s totally okay! Once I realized that my husband actually liked being at home most of the time (I’m the busy body in this equation!), it made me feel less guilty about occasionally doing things without him. You don’t have to be joined at the hip!

Plan things to do (for each other). Nothing says “I appreciate you” more than planning a date. This could mean ordering take out and queuing up Netflix (if your spouse is a home body) or a fun night out salsa dancing (if your spouse is busy body). Showing interest in the things that makes your spouse happy, even if it’s not your “thing” always goes a long way.

Give the gift of choice. This has the most to do with communication. I usually talk to my husband before I commit to any plans, and I make sure to ask him if he’d like to attend certain things with me. This helps him feel less obligated to do things or go places with me that he’s not interested in. Conversely, he’ll ask me if I’d like to go out instead of staying home on some weekends. We both appreciate having options!

Make it a joint effort: To keep my husband in the loop about things with our social calendar, I hung a dry erase board in our office that lists upcoming social engagements. This way he can see what’s going on throughout the month, without me having to remind him all the time. Moreover, he feels less thrown into things and can adjust his schedule accordingly. He eventually started to update the board as well, which showed me that this was helpful and that he wanted to take part in the process.

As with everything, it all comes back to how you communicate with your spouse to both connect and better understand them. Remember to accept your mate for who they are and always make an effort to show them that what’s important to them is important to you!

 

Amber L. Wright, M.A. is a writer, blogger, and Communication Coach & Consultant. She writes content geared toward helping others improve their communication skills – from the boardroom to the bedroom, on her website, www.talktoamber.com.