No beating around the bush or sugar coating this. Here is the hard truth about being a helpmate:
You don’t get to choose what you help with or if you help at all. You were created to help. Period.
I heard those words just as clear as day, not from a friend or counselor, but from God. My husband and I were dealing with an issue, and honestly I felt like saying “Look, that’s not my problem. It really has nothing to do with me.” That was my frustration speaking and not my faith.
That night, God pulled me aside and reminded me of what he required of me. Not only that, He reminded me of what He put inside me: fight.
My husband needed me to help him fight for the promises on his life and on our marriage. He needed me to help him fight back feelings of failure and frustration. In other words, he needed me to be his wife, his helpmate.
Do our husbands always ask us to help? No. Many times it’s not until things get crazy that we are forced to step in. But step in we must. Help, we must. Now this is where prayer and wisdom come into play like never before. Through prayer we hear from God about the issue and gain wisdom into how that help should look so we actually help and not hinder.
In my marriage of 18+ years, I’ve learned that the most effective forms of help my husband needs include being a prayer warrior, a spiritual and professional strategist, a discerner, and an accountability partner. Did I know this in our first years of marriage?
Absolutely not.
We knew very little about what we needed. However, because of our commitment to each other and our covenant with God, we fought for our union and, in the process, we found the keys to helping each other be the best spouse we can be. I’m still learning about how to better help my husband. After all, didn’t God just reprimand me for wanting to leave my husband helpless? When I don’t feel like helping, that’s when I have to go to my Help.
I’m sure someone reading this is thinking that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It’s true, ultimately, a person has to desire better and work for better in order for lasting change to occur. But, like my mamma asked me when I was a teenager complaining about doing chores while my brothers appeared to be doing nothing, she said: Now what does that have to do with you? Focus on what I asked you to do. I’m the mother and I will deal with them.
That night when God scolded me, I could hear my mamma’s voice from 30-something years ago. This time I was admonished to focus on who God created me to be for Him, first, and for my husband, second. God will deal with my husband.
The big picture is this: I was created to help God accomplish His plans in the earth with my husband. By helping my husband, I actually am helping God. My husband needs me, but my Heavenly Father needed me first. The good news is that God put inside of me everything I need in order to be the helpmate I was created to be. It’s in me, and it’s in you. Fight for it!
BMWK wives, do you ever get tired of helping? How do you stay encouraged?
Sooooooooooooooooooo on point!
Thanks so much.
And how did you know exactly what I needed to hear? 🙂 Love the part of “Now what does that have to do with you?” A reminder to be about my Father’s business and everything else will fall into place. Thanks!!
God knew!
What an excellent read. It really ministered to me as a future married.
Wonderful that you are starting now. Blessings.
Exactly!
This came at the right time!! Love, love, love this!! Amen!!
So glad. Thanks for reading.
This is a fantastic article! It ministered to me on two fronts: a future wife and a right now parent. Some parts of this principle applies to raising children, especially when they are older children. (We are not helpmates to our children but I hope you understand what I mean.) Through both of these roles, I think we really getting a better understanding of God’s love more and more each day. Thanks for the wisdom and insight. This was very good to me!
Great article!!!!! God is AWESOME as He confirms what He speaks to us through others. Now to walk daily as a Helpmate without feeling frustrated or not heard. Thanks!!!!!
Wondering what God says about husbands helping their wives or is it only women they are designed to be helpmeets? I understand a woman’s role regarding help meet and I provide support as much as I can for my husband of 14+years but there is still an emptiness there from my perspective by him, what does the word say? Are husbands only on the receiving end?
I feel you my sister. Pray for your husband’s eyes to be opened to his responsibility. Communicate to him in a very loving way what you need as his wife. Begin to praise God in advance for the outcome that you desire before you see it. Remember Mark 11:23
I so needed to hear this. I find myself not helping my husband because the things he needs help with are not things I want to do. But obedience is better than sacrifice…
Look at God- He’s always on time. I was just talking about this today. Just what I needed. Thank you.
This is a wonderful article. In my relationship, my husband is my Helpmate. I have Sickle Cell and am in the hospital a lot. We’ve been together for 15 years and we have a 9 year old daughter and I LOVE and appreciate him sooooo MUCH. We met the 1st day of the fall semester at FAMU. I knew at during our friendship that God had placed him in my life. The biggest problem that I have is, his mother. She over steps boundaries and is carrying on as though I’m gone on to be with the Lord. She’s very nice/nasty fake/phoney. I am totally opposite. Once I found out that she can’t stand me because I won’t lay down and let her walk over me. She cannot manipulate me either. I gave the battle of this relationship with her, to God. She just likes to kick up dust and I understood why my husband is just not seeing it. He only wants to view her through rose tinted glasses. She hates everything that he does for me. I have tried to let him know that a lot of Mother and Daughter in laws don’t get along but because I have tamed my tongue and I haven’t lashed out at her. She takes advantage of it. She acts as though she wants to be his ex or a baby momma,instead of his Mother. I’m just going to continue having Faith in God that he will trust me start to see it for himself. I mean, call a spade, A SPADE… WE already have enough on our plate without her and all of her SHENANIGANS.
Excellent encrypted
This soooo spoke to me about something ( helping someone – but i am not married)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (thank you!!!! WOW!!! Praise God