I attended a beautiful wedding ceremony a few weeks ago. He was Italian. She was Jamaican. This was his second marriage. This was her first. He had two children that he brought to the marriage. She, on the other hand, was looking forward to starting a family with him.
The pastor candidly spoke about the complexities of having an interracial, intercultural, blended marriage. He spoke about the importance of respect, communication, laughter, and compromise.
But he wasn’t done there.
On top of that, he spoke about the role that money management played in creating a happy and respectful marriage. During his sermon, he said that there is a magic number when it comes to the number of bank accounts a married couple should have. He said that this number would create a marriage that was both dependent and interdependent– the secret sauce to a long-lasting marriage.
As a personal finance coach, I often counsel my clients to do what’s best for them financially and not look for an exact formula. The number that the pastor suggested, however, made a lot of sense and reflected wisdom, common sense, and a lot of real-world, married experience.
His number was three. Here are the accounts and the reasons why.
The Wife’s Separate Account: Every woman needs her own money and does not need to be beholden to her husband to make purchases that she wants for herself. In his sermon, the pastor mentioned shoes, but as a personal finance coach, I think women should have a separate account to treat themselves to anything that strikes their fancy as long as her financial obligations and commitments to the family (savings goals, debt-elimination goals, retirement goals) are met.
The Husband’s Separate Account: Similarly, a man does not need to be “hen-pecked” about money. We all know about the whipped man that hands over his paycheck to his overbearing wife every two weeks and then is left with a pittance of an allowance to enjoy his life. Not cool. Not cute. Men, like women, desire to have nice things and to splurge on things that they want. If he is handling his financial responsibilities to the family, as the pastor said, “let the man be.”
The Family Joint Account: The first two accounts allow for the healthy independence that we all need in a marriage. This family joint account ensures that there is the intimacy and dependence that characterizes marriage and differentiates it from a roommate situation. Even though the pastor suggested one joint account, I believe that married couples need at least one joint account to pull resources, determine goals, and work towards financial freedom. Some of the specific accounts could be earmarked for education, vacation, savings, joint and retirement.
So BMWK Family: What do you think? How many accounts do you and your spouse have? Does it create the balance of interdependence and dependence that is oh-so-healthy in your marriage?
Anthony says
Though that sounds great having 3 accounts. I still do feel that one account is sufficient and everything can be taken care of from that account. Both spouses can do their part in taking care of the finances not just one. But you can have other accounts for education, vacations, etc etc ….but the both of you are funneling the funds into it…no separations
Anonymous says
We went this route as well and we have several joint accounts for our goals (savings, retirement, new house). It keeps down confusion and no one feels like they are being monitored.
Anonymous says
We have six accounts. I have a checking account that became a joint account, my own checking account and my own savings/investment account. My husband has the exact same set up. This seems to work great for us.
K says
We went this route as well (his account and my account) and we have several joint accounts for our goals (savings, retirement, new house). It keeps down confusion and no one feels like they are being monitored. Also majority of our paycheck is deposited into the joint and we each get an equal amount in our individual accounts. We call it our a monthly allowance.
But I do agree whatever works for the couple, there is no magic number.
Lydia says
I was just reading yesterday about a man who slowly emptied their joint account they had an ATM card that both had access to but the wife was very trusting so she never bothered to check that account as long as no “overdue” letters came through the door. I also know a couple that is friends with my family that went through the same husband emptying bank account ish they are now divorced due to irreconcilable financial differences. When one of my friends was newly married they had one joint account the husband thought nothing of making huge personal purchases without consulting with her but if she even spent $20 without informing him it was an argument needless to say the joint account did not last long. In light of this I think 3 like suggested in this post should be the minimum number of accounts.
Anonymous says
I must say I’m envious of you all. I have the only checking account in our marriage. Unfortunately, my husband has multiple kids with multiple child support cases against him so he can’t have an account. This causes so much drama in our marriage it’s really frustrating. He feels that because he gives me monies to go towards the bills and because he’s my husband that he should have access to my personal money. I don’t agree with this at all, thus we fight all the time.
Shayla says
The pastor hit the nail on this but it depends on the couple’s spending, income and financial needs and goals. My husband and I have this financial set up and it works for us. We split our household bills, groceries, daycare, etc 50/50 and that money goes into the joint account. The rest goes towards our own personal bills, savings and whatever we choose to buy. We do discuss big purchases like cars and electronic items. So far we haven’t had any issues.
Bob D. says
There is a great book called “The Case for Marriage” by Maggie Gallagher and Linda Waite. In their book they make several very aggressive, yet well founded claims, one of which is “…that over the last 30 years we’ve managed to transform marriage into something controversial! This is the first time in history that marriage, as an ideal, is under a sustained and surprisingly successful attack! “Experts” such as Steve Mintz and Susan Kellogg in 1960 stated that ‘marriage and family time is regarded as potential threats to individual fulfillment as a man or a woman. The highest forms of human needs were autonomy, independence, growth and creativity which marriage thwarts.'” What is of great interest to me is that this article is based on advice given by a pastor, which suggest that there’s some degree of biblical wisdom used in this advice. In my study of the bible I have yet to find any scripture that states directly or indirectly that independence is in any way connected to a loving, healthy marriage. I Corinthians 13 provides great instruction on what our love for others should look like and although it’s not always the most popular way I’m convinced that it’s the right way! Finances are a wonderful opportunity in a marriage to develop trust, patience, cooperation and many other characteristics that are critical to a loving marriage. I know leading financial advisers might say differently but I’ll put my money on God’s word every time!
kara says
Hi Anthony, Thanks for commenting. If you and you’re spouse are in agreement that one works just fine and all of your financial obligations are met, then I say, go for it.
kara says
I really think approach works well. I love that each account has a purpose. Takes the guesswork out of it.
Anonymous says
Agreed 100%!!! We’ve been married 21 years have always shared all accounts and credit cards, no issues no drama. It works well for us,
November says
Good Morning Anonymous,
May God guide your marriage and give you strength.
There is NO reason to be envious. You simply need to sashay your patootie on down to your bank or credit union and open a separate savings account. While you are at it, open a separate checking accout for yourself as well. The current checking account should now be deemed as the “unofficial joint account” since your hubby cannot secure an account for himself AND has multiple child support cases against him….you are in serious need of financial protection.
God bless!
A smart wife says
The simple solution is to open an account for him in your name give him the debit card and let him use it with his money. Problem solved make love not war. Peace!
Donnie Adkins says
We have monthly budget meetings, my wife is also very trusting but these meetings help keep us aligned.
Staycul says
Nice and inspiring write up. I agree with this separate account thing. Husband and wife should maintain their separate accounts then have one particular account for the house up keep.