This year will mark the 13th year that my husband and I have been in a relationship. We’ve had good times where we’ve wanted to be around one another forever.  But, there have been times when we’ve been so complacent we barely spoke to one another while we were in the same room.

We’ve been rich (almost), poor, happy, poor and happy and sad. This right here is marriage–there are good, bad and really bad times. The one thing that has always kept us together is that we genuinely love one another and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

This right here is marriage–there are good, bad and really bad times.

However, getting to this point was hard. We both are totally opposite of one another. I’m the quiet, reserved serious one, while he’s the playful, humorous one. As we’ve grown to accept one another’s personalities, it’s also made me reflect more on the wife I need to be for not only my husband, but for my family. You see, through 3 childbirths, 2 major moves, endless birthdays and weddings , I’ve finally realized the type of wife and mother I have to be. This came from my marriage getting to a  place where we’re in a good ‘groove’.

We now understand one another’s wants and desires, we understand that at times we’re not going to like one another’s actions but we took a vow that said we are ‘together forever’.

One night as we were revising our relationship goals, I began to compile a list  of the kind of wife I NEVER want to be just so I can stay grounded on who I am.

I never want to the wife that:

1. Doesn’t greet her husband with a kiss when he gets home from work. Not a simple peck on the lips but a passionate one that makes us both blush like we’re teenagers again.
2. That puts herself last in a way to please her husband. I’ve realized that my needs and wants are just as important as my husband’s needs. So now that I’m wiser, I take time for myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I get a manicure, or get my hair “done” while other times I just go to the park to sit and reflect. No matter how small my time is, it keeps me sane and I come home a better wife.
3. Refuses to change to accommodate an ever evolving relationship. My husband and I have been together since I was 19 and he was 21.  So, of course in that time we’ve both changed–for the better.  Every couple of years we both change what we like, how we look and despite all of that I make sure I’m flexible to change. Remember change is good!
4. That doesn’t listen to what her mate needs and wants but instead does what she wants. I’ve been guilty of this many times. If my husband comes home and tells me he’s going through something difficult at work, many times I’ve minimized what he’s feeling because of my hectic job. Instead, now when he comes in I try and give him an hour to mentally relax and tell me his problems – after all he works 12 hour days.
5. The kind of wife who stops loving.  This  seems so simple to do but sometimes when you’re wrapped up in all that life gives you (kids, job, business, goals, etc) you can forget that you have to take time and love the people who love you. This means that loving everything else a little less. It can be difficult when you’re a goal oriented person, but the love of your husband (i.e. family) is a love that can’t be replaced.
6. The kind of wife who cuts their husband and/or family with her words. So many times I’ve been guilty of saying something out of anger not realizing the power of words- especially when you speak out of anger.

As I sit here, instead of making goals about my career and health, I’m going to make goals to make sure I’m the wife that my husband and family deserves.

Now my BMWK family, what kind of wife do you want to be?