There’s something you need to know if you love a Black woman. There is one item that she holds near and dear to her heart and it’s something you must never ask her give up. This one thing is: her head scarf.
Some women call it a head or hair wrap, or a wrap scarf. And others choose to put on a satin bonnet. They come in all kinds of colors, shapes, sizes, prints, and patterns. You will find them in between your pillows in the morning after sliding off during the night, in her drawer, or stored underneath the sink in the bathroom.
What you’ll have to accept is that your lady won’t ever part with her scarf – no matter how raggedy you think it looks!
We love our scarves because it protects our investment in our hair. This is true whether we are natural and spent time twisting it, went to the salon and got it relaxed, or had someone braid or weave it up. Wearing a scarf at night is ritualistic for the Black woman and it becomes like second nature to us. There’s nothing like breaking in a new scarf and getting it to fit just right when you tie your hair down at night. That is a victory we cannot explain!
Our scarves are with us through all of the ups and downs of life. We wear them to lay our edges down on the way to work, in preparation for special occasions, or during the late hours of the night when we are up comforting a sick child. We experience some level of attachment to our scarves for that reason (in addition to them keeping our hair laid!), so we wear them until they are old and worn out.
I have had the same pink scarf for years and my husband always talks so bad about it! I have a few that I keep in rotation, but this particular one I’ve had the longest. Anytime I wear it he says, “I thought you got rid of that thing!” My reply is always, “Nope, I have not. I shall not. I will not!” It’s my favorite and has been with me through so much and it still works like a charm!
I can admit that scarves may not be the sexiest accessory. This is true. However, I can guarantee my husband a better experience when the lights go out if I don’t have to worry about what my hair will look like the next day after we’ve had our fun (wink!).
There may be a day or two that we will go without it, but it’s very rare. Some ladies may prefer to sleep with a satin pillow case instead, so there’s that option, too! However she chooses to approach it, a Black woman will most certainly do what needs to be done to keep her crown lookin’ right. We will always wear our scarves because they protect our hair and help us preserve the beautiful styles you like to see us in – so please don’t ever ask us to give them up!
BMWK Ladies, do you wear a scarf at night? What color is it? Fellas, does your wife wear one? How long has she had it?
Love the article. It’s so funny you talk about the ‘scarf’ that I have to share a story. I went to a free exercise class that was being offered in the DMV area. All of the sista friends came and before class started everyone pulled their scarfs from their bags to tie their hair down. We had red, yellow, blue, multicolors….The exercise instructor was a white woman and when she turned around to start the class and saw all of the women wearing various scarfs/wraps her response was, Hmm, I didn’t get the memo! Everyone laughed so hard, it was too funny. LOL
Too Funny! The head scarf is something we learn about from the time we are little. Our tween daughter is natural…but this week she has her hair flat-ironed. She had a sleepover with some friends and I went down the check list: toothbrush – yes, deodorant- yes, pjs – yes, and head scarf – yes yes! She knows the drill!!
Exactly Ronnie! My girls (3 & 4) know the drill as well even though they call them “hats”. But it’s on their nightly checklist as well. LOL
Exactly, Ronnie! We definitely teach them when they are young. It’s just part of life as a Black girl and woman! lol
That is so funny!!!! I totally forgot to mention wearing one when working out! It’s a must-do!!! lol
Long live the scarf! It’s high time for this morsel of our culture to be elevated to the status of highly prized part of our identity, rather than something to be mocked or ashamed of. We’re some of the most creative women in the world– there’s no reason we can’t come up with a certain special, cute and flirty headscarf for those special private occasions.
That headscarf!!! Thats the one thing about the show Scandal that I scream at the TV for. When Liv wakes up with the pres and she aint got no scarf on!! I be so mad about it. lmao! great post!
Yes I rock my scarf when needed and I wear it proudly. My hubby can’t say much because he has locs and well he wears a scarf also. :-)Love this post!! I have heard of women waiting for their husband to fall asleep before they put their scarf on. That is just too much for me.
we call it a headtie, but yeah i pretty much never go to bed without it and my husband has never complained.
I seriously think a head scarf and a moo moo are the sexiest accessories ever invented. They both scream…”I’m coming to the bed very soon!!”
Nobody had an extra scarf she could borrow?
She puts one of her scarves on my head when she deep conditions me for an hour and doesnt want me sitting there with goop on my head. Even if I probably do look sillier with her scarf.