All these things seem like such ungodly things, Lord. Show me the right way, Lord. I don’t want to break my family up, but I don’t want to stay in a family that’s not in Your will. I don’t want to have a nervous breakdown, I don’t want to leave the ministry. I’m running–correction–I have run out of options.
I need to hear Your voice telling me where to go. I want to hear You calling out my name. I want to live my life completely for You. AND I WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!
Show me…if you have to knock me out to get through to me, I gotta hear from You. I am desperate for a breakthrough.
Help me see clearly, Lord!
When will I get enough? Why am I still here? I mean, You can’t want me to up and leave the ministry, can You? Is Patrick really just a parasite ? Am I really just a sucka? Have I played myself? Is it worth it to stay? Are You going to make it clear that I should stay? What is Your will for E.J.’s life? Beyond what I want or what Patrick wants, what do You want for E.J.?
I’m willing to do whatever it takes for the son You gave me! Whatever it takes, Lord. I took my family into the realm of the impossible, hoping for a breakthrough. I sowed seeds, I walked by faith, not sight…where is the breakthrough? How and where did I miss it, and how can I get it back? Cuz I know You didn’t go back on Your Word. I missed Your Word, and it’s imperative that I get back to that place…Jehovah Jireh…where the ram in the bush is.
Show me, Lord. Show me YOUR way, because I know this is not Your will. I need a fresh revelation. I have finally come to the place where I’m desperate. Either You will speak, or I will go under, Lord.
I need Your Word. Speak to my situation, Lord. I feel like I’m Abigail married to Nabal; Naomi married to Elimelech. I deserve to be like Ruth married to Boaz…but now I have a blessing that would seem like baggage to a person without Your eyes.
Whatever. I don’t have to ever get married again. I don’t have to ever fall in love again, as long as I fall in love with You. SHOW ME!!
That weekend, a man came to speak from another ministry, and told me about myself. He talked about how I’ve always been able to hold my own, and that if I needed to, I would be able to do it again. But he challenged me to think about the ramifications of what would happen if I ended my marriage. He challenged me to look beyond my circumstances and see the best God had for us at the end of this struggle.
So instead of committing suicide on our marriage, I made the choice to stay and fight through it. That single choice gave God something to work with, and He took that little bit and totally revolutionized our marriage. Now He’s doing the same with our finances.
Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston [at ] yahoo.com.
A couple of years ago, I was very desperate to get out of my job. I hated it and even though I made decent money as a teacher, that position at that school felt like jail.
Prior to this position, I taught for six years, in the Peace Corps and at another school in Detroit….and absolutely loved it. I got to school early and stayed late. My students excelled and I was commended by both staff, students, and parents.
But public school was an entirely different ball game. Yes, I made more money (which was the reason why I left the other school), I was absolutely miserable. Parental and administrative support was absent, kids didn’t have textbooks to take home, absentism was the norm (for teachers and students), fights daily, and basically it was a zoo, chaotic and stressful.
So much so that I no longer enjoyed my job. And I wasn’t having fun. I saw my interest shift, I began to get to work, when the students did and I left when they did as well. I was miserable. It also began to impact my social life.
I asked God to help me get through the school year, to come up with better lessons plan, etc…..to no avail. I sunk deeper into a funk or a depression if that’s what you call it.
finally, I decided that I had to quit, for myself and the kids. I wasn’t the teacher I was in the past and in all honesty, I believe that someone else might want the job and could do it better at that time.
With this decision, the weight of the position immediately lifted off my shoulders.
Now, because I had taught for several years, and because my degree was in education….I told only my immediate family, swearing them to secrecy. I knew that it didn’t make since to the world…..or anybody.
Most people would say that I was crazy or stupid to walk away without another job lined up.
And I guess in some respects it was…..
But in my heart I knew it was what I had to do. I also looked at the worst case scenario….and realized that it would be better than staying at the job.
I do understand that not everyone can do this, however. I don’t have any children, I was in my twenties at the time, and I had enough savings to make it through the year.
To wrap things up, I found another job in a completely different field, within three months…with full benefits and a similar salary.
I tell people my story often…and again I know it’s not something that everyone can do, but I had my biggest testimonies and life enhancing moments when I’ve taken a risk…when I stepped out on faith.
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amen @ danielle. thank you so much for sharing. that story definitely encouraged me!
Great post. My motto has always been, “never leave a job if you don’t have a new one lined up”. Danielle you had a upper hand from the start. No kids and savings to help. If you are not longer passionate about a job and it makes you more miserable than beneficial most of us know what we have to do. It’s a scary world out there and for some of us “youth” is not on our side. I know many ppl who have not had a job for 6 months-two years because of “age discrimination”. Of course they can’t prove it but they know why they don’t get the job. Harriet what you have been through this past year just shows how strong willed you are and how much you “put it in GODS hands”. I can’t think of sacraficing my marriage for a better life for me and my kids, we are a team “together”. “Richer or Poorer”. I know ppl who don’t marry due to “money”, if they do they will lose benefits. I too know ppl who have to divorce for benefits. It is a sad cycle. On one hand we want ppl to be a family, mom, dad and kids all in the same home, on the other hand we tax, those who get married and take away.
Harriet know that we were all parying with you/for you in your journey. I talk about you with my kids like you are one of my fav family members. Everyone loves to share good news. The news you shared was heartbreaking, real and raw. I don’t personally know anyone going through foreclosure or anyone as brave as you to face it, challenge it and beat it. I not only apprecate you but you have a special place in my heart. I love good news. What a difference a year makes. Look at Ronnie and Lamar. Who says you can’t have a “cyper family” and care about them? We are a family and I love to know what is going on in others day to day lives.
@ Danielle, I watch Detroit news and before school ended they were asking parents to bring in toilet paper. What happened to the days when parents brought in a box of tissue, snacks and juice boxes for snack time? GOD BLESS us all and everyone stay safe.