by Aja Dorsey Jackson
As the gift giving season gets underway there is one phrase that will be heard frequently over the weeks to come: “It’s the thought that counts.”
While I know that this is supposed to be true, sometimes I think it is an excuse to give really bad and thoughtless gifts.
For instance, an unnamed adult family member of mine gave another family member a card that he had created himself out of construction paper and crayons. I use the term “created” quite loosely in this context, because it was less a creation and more a piece of construction paper folded in half with a drawing of a cake on the front and “Happy Birthday” written on the inside.
When I commented on it I was told “It’s the thought that counts.” But I wondered “How is this thoughtful?” Did it really take any thought for a 40-plus-year-old man to make a construction paper card?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not one that feels like she needs expensive gifts to be happy. One of my favorite gifts is a thermos my husband bought me because he overheard me saying that I needed one. That to me was thoughtful. It didn’t take much money or time, but it did take him knowing a little bit about me and what I would want or need.
What was not thoughtful was the plastic ruler a family member gave me for Christmas some years ago. I know she only gave it to me because she forgot about me and felt like she needed to give me something at the Christmas party so she found something in her desk.
Maybe I sound ungrateful, but I would much rather receive a nice card, a Happy Holidays email, or nothing at all than something that was thrown together at the last minute because the gift giver felt bad. To me, if that is what “It’s the thought that counts” means, I would rather you not think and give me nothing.
What does “the thought” mean to you? Have you ever received a truly thoughtless gift? What is the most thoughtful gift you have received.
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.
Lamar says
Real Talk from Mrs. Jackson LOL. Plastic Ruler really…. construction paper card ROFL
Aja Dorsey Jackson says
You know I only speak the truth. The ruler did at least have little stencil cuts in it in various shapes like stars and circles. She probably should have given it to the construction card maker to help with his design.
Vencada says
My view: Gifts should be purchased based on a persons financial situation. For example: if I only have $25.00 to purchase a gift, I would be creative to find things that are meaningful with that 25.00 dollars. I would not take advantage of a buy3 for 25.00 deal, unless I know it’s something that the person needs. To me, if I chose to do the latter, I would be purchasing the gift based on the low price or great deal, and not necessarily what my heart says to purchase. Also, people go into debt trying to impress or purchase big gifts because they feel it supports their level of love. Love is giving from the heart – so I would say, just be creative. And if you find a great deal while shopping, and it’s not expensive but great on your pockets – go for it!
Lisa Maria Carroll says
I’m sending you a virtual high-five for this one Aja. Thanks for keeping it real.
MommieDearest says
I love this post. IMO, if it’s “the thought that counts” and you receive a crappy gift, well…. that tells you what the gift giver thought about you when getting your gift. You don’t have to spend alot of money to give a nice, thoughtful gift. It just takes creativity. We’re on a tight budget this year, so for my son’s teacher I bought a lovely and unique Christmas tree ornament and a placed it in a trendy Christmas tin. I caught them on sale at a crafts store, and together they cost $5.00. BTW- the construction paper birthday card would have been cute coming from a 5 year-old. But a grown man? LOL!!!!!!!!
Maryharris1953 says
I got a slew of thoughtless gifts from my husband this year. I drink wine so I got a corkscrew, I already have one. He gave me make-up brushes, I already have a drawerful. He also gave me a binder because I write short stories. Yes I do, but on the computer.
I think he walked through the store (on Dec. 23, I might add) and threw stuff in the cart that was remotely related to any activity I take part in. I eat everyday and take a shower. I guess I am lucky I didn’t get a pound of hamberger and a bar of Ivory. I am so disgusted!
PMRoss says
How about a $20 kid’s telescope for a 60 year old grandmother who never once expressed interest in having a telescope, let alone a child’s model telescope! It has nothing to do with the cost, it has everything to do with the thoughtlessness. BTW, this was given to me by my daughter-in-law who I believed liked me, up until now. Hurt my feelings. 🙁
Lorri says
Can we talk about that ruler tho? lol Man! I can’t even fathom fixing my lips to respond to that. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And no gift is always a respectful decision.
Amber Owens says
My wife bought me a griddle for my 35th birthday. She thought I would love that, but in reality I was disappointed. To me, that type of gift is for family use. It’s my birthday and I can’t even have something for me. It hurt her feelings, but it hurt mine to receive it.
Karen says
I got my EX boyfriend a little basket of personal grooming items and expensive cologne and homemade goodies
I hinted that I’d like a gift card from Penney’s as he constantly said he had a credit card there and he not only didn’t get it but handed me a clumsily wrapped box, I was starting to feel very upset because he’s behaved this way for a long time,I never noticed anything because I was already dating a normal person and he was a friend I’d see occasionally. But after his mother died I really thought maybe he’d change -but he’s more moronic and depressing than when she was there telling him what to do all the time. Yes he lived with her his whole life and never even got his own bed or silverware.
I open the gift to find a cheesy Christmas decoration completely inappropriate for me and especially because i told him what to get to avoid this.
I’ve always been a gift person and typically I receive the most beautiful gifts from my boyfriend.
Needless to say I’m single now and I don’t have to think about his corny, thoughtless, gifts or lack thereof.
Jenifer says
This was exactly how I felt when my boyfriend gave me my birthday gift. Like he created a card with two pages of a mini jotter with crayons, then drew a picture of me by himself, the drawing was hideous. I felt so sad because I was I’ve always given him gifts of what he needed even though it meant me using my savings. I ended up breaking up with him cause I felt I wasn’t valued. Yes he did ask me for a birthday gift Ideas, I told him a card or flowers would do. I’ve always wanted to have a drawing of myself but he could have gotten someone to do it not him.
Angela says
Well thank you and the comments for making me laugh! The ruler and handmade card, oh my word! I ended up here googling about gifts that just hurt your feelings. My sister couldn’t bother to call me on my birthday then a week after my birthday I received an unwrapped gas station baseball cap shoved into an envelope, no card or anything. I don’t even wear baseball caps. And just shoved in an envelope. Ok. I’m not ungrateful at all but her gifts always leave me feeling horrible and humiliated, to be honest. I had a big package of “just because” gifts on the dining room table wrapped and boxed up, ready to be mailed to her, too, but I took it all out. I’m not sending it. Reading all of this has made me feel better — At least I’m not the only one.