“I just want them to feel what I feel and to feel the pain that I felt.”….How many people are familiar with this thought process or have heard a friend say it after he or she has been hurt? Maybe someone was cheated on or someone was lied to or disrespected. But regardless of the circumstance, many of us carry around this a spirit of revenge in our hearts and it might just be the one thing that’s weighing you down. We compound this feeling by spending countless hours running our emotional and mental tanks down to empty, asking ourselves “why would she do this?” or “what did I do wrong?” We do all of this in search of this one thing called CLOSURE but sometimes we might be seeking what we may never find. The question is……will you be able to move on without it!? Let’s talk about it…..
Stop Internalizing Everything
While I am the first to advocate about accountability and self-reflection, I think that, for some people, too much of it can become unhealthy. Truth is, every decision another person makes isn’t always about you. There are many times where a mate is doing EVERYTHING in his or her power to make their significant other happy but sometimes it still doesn’t work out. What you have to understand is that there isn’t always a direct correlation between you and things not working out. Sometimes someone cheating on you really has nothing to do with you and more to do with someone not having enough discipline NOT to cheat. You weren’t too fat, too insecure, too naggy, or not loving enough. This is why all you can really do is be open and trusting, control what you can control, and be OK with that!
Many times this extreme internalization makes you question yourself and every future relationship or decision you make, thus making you guarded and insecure and unable to truly move on either with your current relationship or with the next relationship.
Some People are Just Bad People
Yes, it really is just that simple. I know we would like to think that everyone is inherently good, but that’s not always true. Some people are just negative, selfish, insensitive people and unfortunately sometimes we cross paths with those people.
Sometimes It’s Just Bad Timing
We want someone to be ready for the same level of commitment that we are, when we are, and unfortunately sometimes he or she isn’t. Just because someone isn’t in the same place that you are, it doesn’t mean that you did something wrong or that they are a bad person. It just means the timing is bad….and that’s OK. So instead of saying “what did I do wrong” or trying to figure out “why they don’t like you” or “why they won’t commit to you” just say that we aren’t a good fit right now. The key is to find this out sooner than later, though, before you have invested too much into the relationship. Everyone won’t mesh with you and everyone won’t want to commit to you and that’s OK.
Many times we end up mad at ourselves because of the behavior of others and that can be very damaging. Acceptance is key, especially when “closure” isn’t available. Sometimes it’s more about the “what is” and less about the “why!” Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean you don’t have to accost that it happened and move on from it. Love is a beautiful thing but one of the risks of love is that we have to be open to being hurt, but I thinks it’s all still very worth it.