Life is hard for all of us. Some days are easier than others, but we all face challenges in our lives. Some challenges aren’t that difficult to navigate while others can knock us all the way down.

One thing that can make challenges difficult to manage is trying to determine the root of the problem. Sometimes we blame one thing in our lives for the pain and frustration we are experiencing, when it’s really something else.

Unfortunately, the people we love most are often blamed for what’s going on in our lives, even when they may not be the cause. But I’ve found if we are willing to be honest with ourselves and dig deep, we do a lot less finger-pointing and a lot more soul searching.

If you are in pain, maybe your marriage does have a lot to do with it. But have you ever considered that it’s not just about your marriage? Is it possible that you have other things going on and your inability to manage those challenges is what’s hurting you and your marriage?

Here are 10 questions to help you figure out what’s really going on so you can work on your marriage and on yourself.

1. Are you doing work that you love?

Sometimes we end up frustrated and fed up with careers we don’t love day after day. When that happens, the frustration and disappointment leaks into other areas of our lives. Doing work that matters, whether it’s volunteer or for pay, makes a huge difference in how we feel.

2. Are you experiencing financial hardships?

Financial stress is one of the most damaging forms of stress. And it can make it hard for us to truly manage other stressors in our lives. If you feel like you are concerned about being able to meet your most basic needs, meeting the needs of your spouse can be difficult.

3. Are you struggling with health issues?

If you are living an unhealthy lifestyle or struggling with any health conditions, it can make life difficult to navigate.

4. Are you suffering from depression?

Depression and anxiety can have a negative impact on your mood, which impacts how you interact with the people you love.

5. Are you dealing with parenting insecurities?

Raising children is no easy feat. If you are having any insecurity about your parenting skills, it can manifest in ways that have a negative impact on your marriage.

6. Is your job stressing you out?

Nothing interferes with your mood, health and family life more than a stressful job. If your job is a major source of stress, consider how it may be damaging multiple areas of your life.

7. Do you have time for self-care?

If self-care is not on your list of priorities, things just feel overwhelming and messy. Without proper self-care, everything in life is harder to manage, including your marriage.

8. Are you engaged in any bad habits to help you cope?

Overeating, drinking, smoking—they are all examples of habits that we use to cope with our emotional stuff. The problem is, using these methods don’t truly allow for healing and coping

9. If your spouse started doing everything right, would you instantly become happy?

It’s easy to blame someone else for your frustrations and pain, but this question helps you determine if how you feel is really about your spouse or something deeper.

10. Were you truly happy before you got married?

Ask yourself whether or not you were ever truly happy? If you were, what changed? If you weren’t, it’s clear you had problems before your spouse entered the picture, so don’t blame everything on your marriage.

BMWK, have you ever had problems that you thought had to do with your marriage, but later realized it wasn’t your marriage?