Dana Adam Shapiro, an Oscar-nominated documentarian, author of “The Every Boy” and ironically unmarried, released his latest piece, You Can Be Right (or You Can Be Married) this Tuesday, Sept. 4. The book includes interviews and stories from those of failed relationships and explores the reasons behind divorce. This week, Shapiro spoke alongside therapist Argie Allen on the TODAY Show about learning from the mistakes of divorced couples and what it takes to make a modern day marriage work.
The title, Shapiro explained, came from someone he interviewed who’s grandmother spoke of fighting productively and being fair when arguing in a relationship. He believes that people who cheat are often unhappy at home, but it’s an individual’s responsibility to let their partner know how and why they’re not happy. Allen adds that many couples “fail to protect quality time” and get so caught up in life that they lose connection with each other.
“I think the key to any relationship is really taking responsibility. If you’re unhappy really expressing that and saying I’m unhappy because of X, Y, or Z and let’s try to work on it,” Shapiro says. “A lot of times people are seeking validation elsewhere because they feel unloved, unseen, unsexy and they become very vulnerable to the attention of other people. I do think a lot of times they are unhappy at home.”
You Can Be Right (or You Can Be Married) is available for purchase on Amazon as well as from Barnes & Noble. Read an excerpt from his book on the TODAY Show website.
BMWK– In your experience what have you found to be a source or cause of divorce? What obstacles have you overcome in your own marriage to prevent divorce from occurring?
chi9ja says
i don’t understand how you can get divorced but love each other more?????????? if you love them so much especially if you were married before, why don’t you just get married again??????
Allison says
I have very mixed feelings about this article. I always have the “raised eyebrow” response when I encounter a never-been-married person giving marital advice. Marriage, like giving birth, is one of those things that you definately have to EXPERIENCE to deeply understand the complex issues and forces at work. Overall, I think it does a great job at identifying strategies and problems concerning marriage and divorce.
I strongly agree with the title’s premise. Many times marriages are destroyed because the need to be RIGHT completely overruns the goal of being in RELATIONSHIP. The goal is relating to your spouse in a positive, productive and creative way . . .not beating your spouse into the dirt with your opinions and preferences. It is a very intensive art form where you have to learn to readjust expectations and desires for the greater good.
Briana Myricks says
Allison, I would agree, but I feel that because he’s interviewed people who have been married before, he’s more the messenger in it all, rather than actually giving advice. He’s more like a source people are getting the information from. I’m interested in reading the book.