So do you really believe that all of that trash that you are watching on TV has no long term effects on you or your relationships? I mean seriously. How can you be ingesting so much negativity and it have no effect whatsoever on you.?
Well a study was released in the journal Mass Communincation and Society that found the more that people believe in the unrealistic portrayals of romance on television, the less likely they were committed to their own relationships.
They surveyed 392 people for this study, asking them about a range of things from if they are satisfied in their current relationships, to what are their views on commitment and expectations, how often do they watch tv, and if they believe in tv’s depiction of romantic relationships. The study found that the more an individual believed in tv’s portrayal of romance, the higher they rated the “relationship costs” of their own relationships, with relationship costs meaning things like loss of your personal time and freedom and the unattractive qualities of your partner.
Dr. Jeremy Osborn, Ph.D and author of the article states:
“In this study I found that people who believe the unrealistic portrayals on TV are actually less committed to their spouses and think their alternatives to their spouse are relatively attractive”
“My hope would be that people would read this article and take a look at their own relationships and the relationships of those around them. How realistic are your expectations for your partner and where did those expectations come from?
Now on this site, we have been talking about negative portrayals of African Americans and their relationships in these wildly popular reality TV shows. And we get a lot of feedback from folks like: “I’m grown and I will watch what I want to watch.” “It’s just entertainment.”
And yes, grown folks should be able to watch what they want to watch on television. But please let this study serve as a warning. Because, you never know how something is affecting your psyche until it’s too late. And if you are going to watch so much negativity on TV, then please make sure that you have or are getting a strong dose of the positive. So, at least you have some real options out there for healthy relationships and for people that work through their problems.
This last season of reality TV showed some really really really really dysfunctional relationships. After watching a few episodes of VH1’s Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, I truly felt like I took in something that was detrimental to my spirit.
If it is too much for me, then what about the young children that are taking all of this stuff in. I have seen with my own eyes girls as young as 10 and 13 years old watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. And their parents don’t seem to think that these shows will have any lasting impacts on their kids. Well, if they don’t listen to me..then perhaps they will pay attention to a study that shows that TV romances can have an impact on your relationships.
With all that our kids are facing in today’s society, we don’t need to be giving them one more obstacle against having lasting healthy relationships.
BMWK – what do you think about this study? Do you think that TV romances can impact your real relationships? Do you think it is harmful for our kids to be watching reality tv shows like Love and Hip Hop? Do you let your kids watch those shows? If you do, share with us why?
Good Afternoon Ms. Tyler, I appreciate that you took the time to write an article that focuses on the needs of children, adults, and how it affects our marriages/relationships. I have fallen to love Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, Basketball Wives, Housewives of Atlanta, Bad Girls Club, and the list goes on. I finally realized that I was sowing bad seeds into my garden (The Lady, Her Lover, & Her Lord by T.D. Jakes). I asked myself how were this shows benefiting my life and if I should be watching so many negative shows. I believe that what you watch, the people who surround your life, and what you listen to has an affect on you as an individual. So I challenged myself to only watch positive shows like Fix My Life (Iyanla Vanzant) that will add positivity and insight to my life.
That’s a great challenge Shene. I too am trying to focus on more positive programming which is why I find myself watching own more and more.
I agree! Iyanla “Fix My Life” has become my favorite TV show. The love and inspiration she pours out on her guests, coupled with the healing and transformation they experience is inspiring and life-changing!
THANK YOU Ronnie! This is BEST blog post I have seen TODAY!!!! Whew…where do I start?!?!? Okay, I will just keep it simple. By watching these shows you are not only promoting negatives images of us but you are RECIEVEING this foolishness even if subliminally! At some point we MUST love ourselves enough to stop directly or indirectly supporting these shows. Yes, it is “just entertainment†however not for me and mine.
Thanks Kimberly,
I have to admit. I tried watching it for entertainment. But it just did not feel right. My kids will never watch this type of programming in our home.
I think there are two sides to looking at this. You shouldn’t watch anything that is extremely negative but you also don’t want to watch anything extremely positive because it leads you to thinking about fantasies and then you don’t know how to properly cope when trials and tribulations come. It’s all about having balance. One show that I found to somewhat have balance is Soul Food. I think it seems to be close to realistic. But I also understand that it is a show and not real life. The true examples that I look to of what a marriage should look like are the marriages in my church. Those couples who have been together a long time and are stable.
You make a great point Niambi. People need to see realistic relationships…where people have their ups and downs.
I agree! We must replace the negativity with positivity… I couldn’t make it thru an episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta…I couldn’t understand what they were saying…It literally gave me a headache. I’d rather watch a dvd, or reruns of an old fabulous program than that foolery…
I don’t often watch reality TV, unless it is positive or inspirational in nature (a-la OWN programs). So many times, as I watch the blatant disrespect women of ALL colors and ethnicities show their husbands, the lack of love and respect for themselves, and the way the children are impacted I am horrified and heartbroken. Those of us who are “love messengers,” committed to transforming the world of relationships have a lot of work to do, and I am so glad there are more and more of us out there, changing the world one heart, one relationship at a time!
You give them puppy dog eyes or try to manipulative games.
The last thing anyone wants is to encounter that look that means, “it’s not really me” when your loved one opens her gift.
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