As I dig through my life in the name of not being a hoarder spring-cleaning, I recently happened upon some paperwork from my son’s high school. It was dated last year, back when he was in the 9th grade, back when we were working with his school to implement some new and innovative learning strategies for him. It listed his academic history and his family history. The academic stuff I was used to. But seeing us in black and white letters (other than the ones I type at my blog, MakesMeWannaHoller.com) threw me for a loop. The descriptions of us were clinical, anesthetized, devoid of love.
I was: Stepfather (a word I’ve come to loathe over the years)
Mom was: Mom (as always)
Baby girl was: Half-Sister
Upon seeing the words, “half-sister,” I was transported right back to the moment when I first read them: sitting in an administrative office on one side of a fully occupied, large oval table. My face twisted up just as bad a couple weeks ago as it did while I was sitting at that table reading over this same report. I was hurt. I was disgusted. I was insulted.
How dare they call her “half”! I remember thinking. What the f-bomb does that even mean? (Confession: I don’t curse out loud, but I do tremendously in my head.) They don’t know how my son, at the age of 10, jumped with both feet to care for his baby sister. He didn’t half help his mother get ready for the hospital when she went into labor (while I was speeding along in an ice storm to get to the hospital). He didn’t half often rock her to sleep once she was born. He didn’t half feed her. He didn’t walk halfway to the trash and leave her dirty diapers on the floor when asked to throw them away (though now every piece of garbage in his hands never ever seems to make it to the trash). Conversely, his sister has NEVER half loved her brother, NEVER half hated him (as little sisters do), nor only half terrorized him, nor asked that he pick up only half of her when she is too tired or lazy to walk.
Of course I know that my son and his sister have two different fathers so they have only their mother as the shared parent — their single source of shared DNA. But in our home they are 100% siblings who receive 1000% of their parents’ love. My daughter is none the wiser and my son has never considered otherwise. I don’t anticipate them changing course from this path and should they ever decide to I am fully prepared to fiercely shut down one and/or both of them.
My mother’s father was DAD to the six kids he had with my grandmother and he loved the three she already had when they met as if they were his own. As a child my uncle and aunts were my uncle and aunts, period. Just as their cousins were my cousins, period.
I know it’s just paperwork and unfortunately I know every blended family isn’t bursting at the seams with joy or basic cohesiveness. But if it matters to you, keep at it! Thank God real love and real family are stronger than any school, doctor’s or government agency’s paperwork.
Long live all forms of family!
Have you ever had to deal with your family being “categorized” by others? What did you do or not do when this has happened to you or members of your family?
No halves for me either!nu00a0good stuff Eric.
THANK YOU! This was so encouraging, I find that some people I know find it hard to understand the love that my family shares, although my husband is my son’s “step”dad, their relationship does not reflect that. Glad to know that the love my family shares, is shared by many others!
Beautiful post, I agree with you. Long may your family love each 1000 %
I feel the same way. My siblings and I all have the same father, but they were NEVER “half” of anything to me. Even as a kid, it drove me crazy for people to refer to them as my “half sister” or my “half brother”. Some people even referred to them as my “step” brother or sister. Which to me was even worse.
It is the total opposite in my family.u00a0 I have two half sisters from my father’s previous marriage.u00a0 We share the same father.u00a0 It never bothered them and never bothered us to be referred to as their half sisters.u00a0 We all knew we had different mothers, but we still loved each other.u00a0 They would come, play, and spend the night.u00a0 I think it is all according to what is acceptable in your family.u00a0 I think alot of the time reference is different when you share the same mother.u00a0 My cousins all have different fathers and they are sisters and brothers, no halves.u00a0 But, with their father’s kids, that is a whole other ballpark.u00a0 Just an observation, could vary from family to family.u00a0
This was a great post. Since I was young my mother has drilled it into us that we are not to call each other “half” and if she was to catch us, she’d rain down the fires of hell on our heads. My mother is from Liberia and my late grandfather has A LOT of children and at least 5 different mothers for said children. My biological grandparents didn’t stay together so when my grandfather remarried his wife treated the children he already had terribly. She made SURE that they knew they were “less” than her children and attempted to drive the point home with the children that they were only HALF siblings, there for my mother has gone above and beyond to make sure that we didn’t follow in that. To let us know we were all equal and despite us 4 girls having 3 different fathers, we were all sisters despite the other blood in our veins. nnMy father has raised me since I was 6 months old. I introduce the white man at my side as dad and don’t elaborate further than that. He’s dad, daddy, father all that and I love him as such and nothing less than. My 2 younger sisters are “his kids” but he hasn’t EVER made such a distinction, if I may say so, I think I’m kind of the favorite lol. He introduces my older sister and I as his daughters despite us being dark chocolate and cocoa powder brown compared to his vanilla skin.nnOur family is a mix and jumble and now that I have my own family it’ll be no different. My husband and I got married in January and we had 3 kids previously…in addition to those 3 there are another 5 with 3 different mothers. I may not delight in that fact, or even remotely like the other mothers but I love his children and treat them as my own, no bias because as far as I’m concerned those are OUR kids. When people see us and comment on our family I take it in stride, say thank you and keep it moving. For our family, referring to your sibling as half isn’t going to happen. There isn’t going to be any division because we are family no matter what anyone else thinks about it. Love binds people just as tightly (sometimes even more than) blood.u00a0