One of my facebook buddies was having a moment. She’d read an article entitled “11 Signs He’s Not Headed Toward a Relationship With You” and stated at the end of her post description that she wanted a relationship. After reading the article, it did feel very discouraging.
So I decided to do some research for my friend and get a man’s perspective of what he wants and looks for in a woman when entering a relationship. I asked my husband and his friend (that isn’t married) what they look for in a relationship and what would make them get down on one knee.
So here are their “11 Signs He’s Headed Toward a Relationship With You…Because This Is What He’s Looking For”:
- Friendship – We have to be friends in order to develop into something more
- Open Communication – We have to be able to talk about anything. A man wants you to always be totally up front with him about everything. He can respect the truth and wants the opportunity to decide how he will react to it.
- Common Goals and Friendships – We have to be heading in the same direction. Its also important to have some common friends that are like minded as well.
- Spirituality is key – We both have to believe that God will guide us in our relationship and keep us focused and together when we can’t do it ourselves.
- A woman should look like a woman – A woman should keep herself up. Look soft, touchable and inviting.
- Leave the baggage – They simply said dump the baggage so that you don’t make a good man bad. What he did is he gave me a chance to show you what a good man is. You have to be happy to make me happy.
- Don’t be selfish – My husband said it would have been a deal breaker for us if I hadn’t unlocked the door for him after he let me in the car. He said that would have showed selfishness. Men look for character traits in just like women.
- A man wants his woman to be driven – A woman has to want something in life and be willing to go after it.
- Attentiveness – Show him the same attentiveness as you did when you were dating. A man loves attention from his woman.
- True love – Men want a woman to place them in their life according to who they are and not for what they can do, what position they hold or what they can provide. He will be able to genuinely feel it and then he know you got his back.
- A place of refuge – A man looks to his woman to be strong. A person he can let his guard down with and relax around. He wants his woman to know that it doesn’t lessen him to cook or clean it only sweetens the pot!
After interviewing these guys I knew this would give some hope to those looking for a relationship and those looking for tips on maintaining one. Most articles detailing relationships may focus on issues and not the positive. However, you should know that there are people out there who want relationships and are willing to put forth effort to make them work.
Men, did my husband and his friend leave anything out? If so, let us know in the comment section below.
A woman who respects her mother & is not on that perpetually scowling mad sister schtick!
Okkkkay….lol
Excellent article. I would like to add one that is extremely important and maybe the glue to keeping everything together.
A woman must have a spirit of good will towards her man in other words, not questioning his intentions. This is an attitude of having an overall feeling of generosity towards him. You see, when a situation in a relationship or anything else is approached with a spirit of good will, whether you agree with something or not, you will value the relationship much more than whatever problem has been caused by one small incident. Keep in mind that good will surpass being “right†and is there even when you are angry.
Oh ok. That’s a good one.
This is so true and I totally agree with the last statement of the article. To me it shows a sign of humility and understanding. You will not always understand why your partner is the way they are but loving encouragement engulfed in understanding is much better than an attitude of i knew i was right. Understanding comes by listening to more than just actions and words. It may take some time but be a partner not a judge.
This is so true and I totally agree with the last statement of the article. To me it shows a sign of humility and understanding. You will not always understand why your partner is the way they are but loving encouragement engulfed in understanding is much better than an attitude of i knew i was right. Understanding comes by listening to more than just actions and words. It may take some time but be a partner not a judge.
This is so true and I totally agree with the last statement of the article. To me it shows a sign of humility and understanding. You will not always understand why your partner is the way they are but loving encouragement engulfed in understanding is much better than an attitude of i knew i was right. Understanding comes by listening to more than just actions and words. It may take some time but be a partner not a judge.
I love that ‘be a partner not a judge”!
Wow I needed that, and I told my husb
and I’m going to work on this very thing. Thank you
Also men want to be appreciated and not taken for granted
That a huge one. Women would agree with that one!
A little R-E-S-P-E-C-T is always nice. I’ve always considered that the ultimate combination of confidence & humility.
Respect being confidence…Wow never thought of it that way before!
Listen. Both partners must listen to each other fully. One mistake some women make with their men is to hear part of what he is saying and jump to a conclusion that he means something else. Once the conclusion is made, it somehow becomes fact in the women’s mind. If the subject is brought up again by either party, somewhere in the conversation, the woman is likely to say: “But you said…”
I find when people trust and respect each other, they listen to each other. The Bible states “How can two walk together unless they agree?” (Amos 3:3) My question is how can two people agree if they aren’t listening and understanding what the other person is saying?
Good one. Hearing and Listening are two different things. Question though…As a man how do you get your point across or help your mate understand your point if its not resolved the first time around?
I REALLY want to be Completely Open with the Man I LOVE But he is so Busey we Never have That Time to Just Sit down and Talk about Things Like we use too. I have So Much I want him no about whats going on in my Life but We HAVE ANY Alone Time it just Has’nt come yet So I”M Not sure if He FEELS the same way About Me so I just Wait for him to ASK Me Out for Dinner or even a Ride around the city. All I know is I LOVE HIM TOTALLY BUT GOD IS MY FIRST LOVE Can you give some Advice on how to get alone TIME Sincerely MTM
@MTM … Experience has taught me that no matter how busy a man is, if he sincerely cares about me, he will make time available for us to spend together. I’m not talking about time spent with just physical intimacy and he’s gone. I’m speaking of quality time where we talk with each other and hear about what’s happening in the other’s life. He’s find a way for us to spend quality time with one another because he will want to see me and put in the time to grow closer with me.
So many time as women, we settle and/or rearrange things in our lives because we think we have found the perfect one. Don’t forget who you are in waiting for someone you care about to find time for you. Make sure you are working on developing self spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.
The other thing to consider is that he could be the perfect guys but, this is not the season for you to be together in the way you’d like because of schedules or individual goals that each of you are trying to handle in your lives at this time. Really think about what you deserve and desire in a relationship and communicate those needs to your partner. Hopefully, he will be sensitive to those needs and work with you. If not, don’t allow yourself to just settle by being put on hold waiting for him to fit you in time-wise.
Lastly, pray about it and ask God to reveal his will in your life with this person.
Good one.
Don’t wait for him take initiative. Go ahead and plan a dinner date, movie or fix up a nice hotel room. Let your imagination run wild. It is Ok to cater to your man. Men don’t like to be in charge all the time. The element of surprise:) Good Luck!….OAN, I do agree with Esperanza!
I agree!
Thanks Dameena!
This is when you call a timeout. Both of you need to sit down and have a little pow pow about your relationship. Life has its way of getting in the way but you always have to remember to take that timeout and just make it about the two of you.
They need to agree on gender roles. More and more, that line is blurry. He has to feel she sees him and treats him according to his definition of the way a women sees and treats her man. There is no cookie cutter answer to that. Each man has his own definition.
True one size doesn’t fit all
I agree with Himedas. I do believe the concepts are the same, but each individual man puts weight on certain areas.
http://www.holesinthehouse.com
True
They should have their priorities set individually and as a couple financially , if they want the relationship to last. Money is one of the top ten issues in a relationship. If he or she can not manage their money in the beginning of the relationship. Don’t expect them to changed as time goes on. When you see the red flag go up, you can accept that person for who they are or leave before things get to crazy. Just remember that famous statement ” I can do bad by myself “
So true. Finances can definite kill a marriage!
This is probably one of the most realistic list of requierements that I have read. Good job.
Thanks! I would agree. I loved that they focused on the emotional side of things and not so much physical.
Great article always! Keep up the great wrk!
Thanks Kevin!
women want the same thing
I agree with RESPECT. When a man feel respected, he feels like a king and will (in my case) treat you like a queen. You may feel like your respecting him, but little sarcastic under the breath grunts, sighs, smacks of the lips and rolling eyes may not be loud and verbal, but it tears down the throne of respect. Trust, he records it.
Speak well of him to others. Human nature is to find fault…especially if other women are dogging their man for not taking out the trash when it’s obvious it should be, etc. It’s natural to want to join in. I praise my man for taking out the trash and never forgetting to put out curb side recycling. (although he has, but I reinforce the positive behavior. When we have company, I might mention in passing, “didn’t he do a good job with the yard?” Men love praise so they’ll (mine will) keep performing to get more. Thus, I reap the benefits.
I write a post it note and leave it on the bathroom mirror for him to find when he awakes, I draw a heart/smiley face in the steam of the shower door when I shower (use a cleaner on your finger tip so it will reappear when he showers). That is if we aren’t already showering together…
If he’s subconscience about his body, tell about the parts that you like don’t agree and further point out faults. If he’s a medical emergency, perhaps approach it with how much you love him and want to keep him around because you don’t want to have to live without him.
If he does something wrong, he’ll feel bad, don’t make him feel worse. My husband accidentalaly killed our grass in the front yard and it pained him. He was so disappointed in himself. I didn’t jump on the bandwagon and say you should be that looks horrible! I said, yes, but you’ll bring it back next year. I have confidence in you. I know you didn’t do it on purpose and move on. Berating him won’t make it grow (pun intended, lol).
Lastly, be his mistress. Tell him “You are so funny” – when he makes a joke. “Oh, I love that tie, shirt, jeans on you.” “That was great sex baby, you are so good.” or you could just applaud afterwards like I do – LOL! When you walk past him, touch the lower center of his back with a linger touch. Smile at him shyly, wink, etc. Throw away the tee shirts with holes, bloomers you’ve had for years and buy some new lingere every so often. Don’t bother wearing a bra around the house unless you need to bring the girls up to attention. Look like you just threw on something that is effortlessly, maybe see through, sexy….
AND YOU DIDN’T : Men want Sex! Give it to him and tell him when you are the one who comes on to him, “when you do xyz it makes me just want you baby”! And you just might get more of xyz. OK – my apologies for the length
Men, more than any other single thing, are looking for respect.
Actions that a women takes must always exhibit and have a foundation of respect. Avoid communicating at all until you can do so with respect. Respect causes men to excel, to rise above, to take action, etc. Respect cannot be faked, a man will know… though charm, beauty, or other fleeting things (like super tasty food) may distract him for a while, he knows deep down if you really respect him or not.That said, the 11 are spot on and excellent practical expressions… but if you can’t do them within a foundation of respect, they will fall short.
When you get this, you will realize there are certain things that can never be done. For example, there is no way to nag with respect. There is no way to whine in respect. And so forth. These things are instant turn offs…. not because you may have a problem or unmet need…but because you’re not addressing them with respect. Do not waste your time, or your potential mates… if you don’t respect him, do not bother.