In a recent interview with HuffPost , Jada Pinkett Smith addressed the constant rumor that she and Will have an open relationship. In much prettier language she said “yes” after taking a 15-mile trip to get there.
The fact that as humans we are going to make our own decisions is a given. I agree with Jada to the extent that trying to control your spouse’s every action is a recipe for failure. You need to have a certain level of trust that the one you chose is good enough to make decisions on his or her own without you standing over a shoulder and monitoring every move.
On the other hand, “you can do what you want” is the part that seems a little bit different to me. As a woman, I hold myself accountable to God and accountable to myself, and my husband does the same. But I also feel that I need to hold myself accountable to my husband and vice versa. Just because I can wake up and feel completely okay with a decision doesn’t mean my husband does. Operating from the standpoint of “I’m okay with this, so its okay” doesn’t quite have a place in a marriage to me.
For me, when we chose to stand at the altar and become one, the thinking that the only person I needed to answer to was me went out the window. As opposed to “married” this sounds like “single but together” in a way that I don’t quite understand, and I know this thinking isn’t exclusive to the rich and famous. I’ve heard on more than one occasion women who live with the adage that as long as you don’t bring back a disease or a baby, I’m fine with whatever you do.
At the end of the day, though, the only people who know or need to be okay with what goes on behind closed doors in the Smith’s household is the Smiths. But she chose to speak on it, so I’m adding my two cents.
What do you think of Jada’s statement? Do you think it confirmed their open marriage? Do you agree with her thought “you can do what you want to do as long as you’re okay with it?”
Check out the interview here:
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He must have told her the same thing when she got those cheek implants. You can do whatever you want. LOL
Aja Dorsey Jackson says
LOL- be nice!
I don’t think that’s what she was saying. See, I think she is leaving out the part that as soon as he does do something against the marriage she’s out the door. But that could be naivete on my part. I think this means I’m grown and I’m not going to chase after a grown man, but as soon as you do something against me be prepared to handle it in a grown person’s way.
I agree – I believe if you want to be out there doing whatever – what are we building? So, having an open marriage is a joke to me – it’s doesn’t make spiritual and logical sense. I agree with you – be prepared to handle it in a grown up way – get your stuff…get your stuff…and get to steppin (Waiting to Exhale scene) LOL
The question then becomes, why get married? Married is a union with two people. The vows do not state, “today I vow to you, and we will share our lives together and with whomever we want outside of our marriage, I vow to keep all aspects of sexual acts sacred and not bring anything home” NO…it is a vow between the two at the altar and I think they should honor that. Yes, you can’t watch or dictate your mates every move, but one should be responsible for their own actions and what part they play in the marriage. It also then becomes a question of honor, commitment, consideration and integrity. Why would a person want to be with someone else outside of your marriage? If I had that mindset, I would not have committed to one person – I would have stayed single. What is all comes down to is, having your cake and eat it too – you can’t be married and have a single-mindset – it just doesn’t work!! Just my take on it. Carry on.
Amen Cas, my thoughts exactly, you CAN’T have your cake and eat it too, and that sounds like what Jada and Will’s marriage is like. After a while, that will get old, trust me!
Loved her response!
Jennifer Jackson says
Marriage is a covenant that God has created between Himself, and one man to one woman for life! When people truly understand that God has the ultimate determination of what’s right and wrong via His Word (Holy Bible), then more marriages will remain pure and intact.
I totally agree with you Jennifer. You make a covenant with GOD when you marry. One man to One woman. If you believe in his word there will be no deviation of the marriage!
She is saying we are grown, we are married and I trust my husband to make the decisions with our love and the commitment we have in mind. She trusts his love for her and more importantly she has faith in their commtiemnt. That is really all that is needed. Getting caught up in the miniscule possibilities seems immature when you have such a strong foundation. What God has brough together let no man destroy. Period.
Lorri M. Key (@mslorrim) says
wow, just watching this….it seemed like an open ended answer. I know we can’t force another to be faithful, but it would truly be nice to know my mate speaks fidelity in confidence. We are all accountable to ourselves, but I’d like to think my husband will be accountable to me to? Is that far fetched or am I romanticizing?
I don’t see this as permission for a open relationship. What this is is a woman having an open and frank discussion with her man about the fact that human attraction to others does not end when you find the one you want to spend yor life with. What she said is I cannot and will not police you, but you also have to live with the actions you take and their consequences. It may go unsaid in marriages, but in the end, it is true of every marriage. You cannot contol or police your mate, you just have to trust that person. And trust is broken in marriages every day. This is no different.
My thoughts exactly.
In case you guys didn’t notice, the God you serve is not the same God these people are serving. Wealth and power (what Satan can give and has given Hollywood) is the “do as thou wilt” temperament so there therefore we must do what is best for us not anyone else. So be careful where your advice comes from because we might look up to others but unless God is leading in their lives, their advice as helpful it may sound, is irrelevant to those who follow Christ.
Amen Erla, my sentiments exactly! And for the life of me, I have never understood why people put so much weight in celebrities’ advice on anything, including marriage, when most of them don’t value marriage, whether they be black or white, and all they do is either creep around, pretending everything is ok, when everyone knows it isn’t, or they marry 4, 5, and 6 times. Everyone knows that Will has been on the down low for a while, and it’s been rumored that Jada is too, and from the way things seem with them sometimes, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true.
Why does everyone equate “openness” with infidelity??? Why does it have to mean that at all??? I am “open” to do lots of things in my marriage, but I am not free to be unfaithful in my marriage….not because my husband requires me to be faithful (although I’m sure he does as I do he)…but because I only want to share that with my husband and because of my faith…..however, outside of that I am free to do what I want….my husband always tells me to do what makes me happy and even when I press him to help me make a decision, he is reluctant. He wants me to own my decisions.
Jay Combsly says
At the end of the day, who cares really? It’s THEIR marriage. Once everyone realizes that and doesn’t subconciously equate it with their own relationships, it’s a lot easier to digest and move on from. Quit trying to pretend that looking down on others for their choices somehow reveals something honorable and intelligent about yourself. You’ve never met these people and they’ll probably go thru their entire lifetime not even knowing that you exist, worry bout your own. (Drops the mic and walks off stage)
PR Brown says
I think that her vague reply was good for their marriage…..business.
At the beginning of her answer to the question SHE CLEARLY SAID NO!! And why should see sit around worrying about what he is doing when she is not around?? I totally agree with every word she said!! And that way of living comes with maturing and being your own person and leading your own life!! Kuddos to them BOTH!! At the end of the day, he will do want he want to do anyway regardless of the consequences!! And I am sure Will is very aware of the FACT THAT JADA CAN HAVE ANY MAN SHE WANTS AND IT TAKES A LOT OF SELF WORTH TO BE SO SECURE IN HER MARRIAGE!!
As a person of faith and moral values centered in Jesus Christ, I respectfully disagree with Mrs. Pinkett-Smith’s sentiments. It just doesn’t seem to be much of a marriage when you don’t have both spouses exclusively committed to one another exclusively and put each other’s needs ahead of their own. People can say what they like, but at the end of the day, deep down inside they want to have the total assurance that their spouse is completely devoted to him or her only. That level of trust, security and selfless fidelity is the real key to marital happiness. All glory to Jesus Christ.
She said “You can do whatever you want as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and be okay” Now if you think about it what real man can look in the mirror and be okay when he know he hurt and betrayed his wife and in turn hurt and betrayed himself and God.” I really don’t think she meant it was okay for him to be step outside their marriage with Stacey’s response. But the bottom line is it is their marriage. And what they do in their life does not affect my marriage or my life.
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