by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Last week #ARealWifey was trending on Twitter and I just HAD to see what the masses were saying about my least-favorite word of all time. To me, “wifey” ranks right up there with “baby daddy” on my list of Word I’d Like To See Die A Quick Death.
My buddy Chris posted this, ‘Wifey is a term men use to keep women happy without putting any extra effort into the relationship.” BINGO! I think this is why I hate the term so much. Wifey means nothing. It sounds just close enough to “wife” to make a woman blush and feel like their relationship is something special.
Now, I will admit, in some instances the relationship IS something special. But more than likely, the term is being used in a relationship where it shouldn’t. I would much rather someone call me their “fiance” versus “wifey.” Wifey, to me, sounds like a fake wife. Why is it you never hear someone say, “Oh, he’s my husband-ish.”
To me, marriage is sacred. Either you are married or you are not. There’s a very distinct line there. I don’t mean that one is necessarily better than th eother, but if you’re married, you are not single and if you are single you are not married. You can’t be both. Wifey tries to straddle that line, but does so unsuccessfully.
What did your spouse call you when you two were dating? His girlfriend, his “girl,” etc? Is “wifey” acceptable or am I still tripping over Next’s song from 2000, which had all my little teenage friends running around thinking they were going to marry their high school boyfriends?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
“To me, marriage is sacred. Either you are married or you are not. Theres a very distinct line there. I dont mean that one is necessarily better than th eother, but if youre married, you are not single and if you are single you are not married. You cant be both.”
That statement said it ALL!
My husband always called me his girlfriend…but we were married WAYYY before the “wifey” term came along lol. Well before I’d ever heard it anyway lol.
.-= Adrienne´s last blog ..A whole lotta pics from my blackberry lol. =-.
I FEEL YOU !!!! 🙂 I’m in a serious relationship, and I feel that calling me “wifey” is Silly. If thats the case let’s get maried then..I am Happy being his Lady ! :)…..Unitl I become his wife 🙂
Well I was using “wifey” as a term of endearment, until one day, Mrs. P set the record amongst friends, and clearly stated, “I’m your wife!” Ever since then, she’s “Mrs. P” or “my lovely wife”!
My husband only calls me his wife now but before we got married he called me his girlfriend and wifey as a term of endearment. It didn’t bother me and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I think it depends on the person using it. It can mean different things. To some couples it could mean a serious relationship, possible a step before engagement and marriage.
Tara you hit the nail right on the head with this one. I know he didn’t call me this before we were married but my husband started calling me wifey for some reason after we got married because he thought it was cute. Like TP2’s wife I had to set the record straight also! I am his wife. No “y” at the end is needed.
I think it depends on the circumstance. In a lot of cases I do believe it’s a way to avoid true commitment and dedication to the relationship becoming more. However, my husband called me wifey when we were dating BECAUSE he told me he would marry me after two weeks of dating. Sure enough 1 year and 8 months later he held true to that pledge and we’ve been married for 5 years. To him wifey was symbolism that he would marry me and I didn’t have an issue with it nor any other endearing nickname he gave me. But now, I’m his WIFE and NO Y at the end because we’re not dating we have a legally binding document and have made a statement before man and God showing proof of our commitment to each other. Therefore I believe the level of respect given to the word and the woman matters more than just the word itself.
Uh you married people take things WAAAAAY to seriously! Its a term. I know actual wives who are called wifey by their husbands. I think the relationship will define itself not a term such as wifey, fiance, husband or wife period. There are married people who are better off not married. So, in my opinion its no big deal. If it works for some then hey let it work.
.-= Alcinia´s last blog ..A Bit Different These Days =-.
Thanks for this! My thoughts exactly.
Hm.. good stuff.
Tara.. wifey is surely a way of shutting a woman up many times.
I had a girl say she was too old to be my boo. As a word lover,… I still preach not getting caught up in terminology.
My personal motto is this.. when a man is putting it down correctly, .. not solely sexually.. but putting down the proper foundation, he can call his ‘lady partner’ anything from wife to lovely to crackhead and she gonna be cool with it.
My foundation wasn’t ‘proper’ when I had the convo about ‘boo.’
.-= King James´s last blog ..and Remain… =-.
I think it is personal preference. But I don’t like the term either. I have also heard women refer to their boyfriends as “hubby.”
.-= Ronnie´s last blog ..VIDEO: President Obamas State of the Union Address =-.
“better half” is the term we use for each other. it fits because we feel we’ve moved beyond boyfriend/girlfriend. we live together, but are not married yet. we know we’re getting married (as soon as our debt is cleared up), but i haven’t received my ring yet so “fiance” isn’t the right word.
when i hear him say “i’ll have to check with my better half before i make that purchase or commit to going out”, he is communicating that he has someone in his life who although she is not his wife, she is extremely integral in his life.
lol at the reference to next’s song “wifey”. 102.3 here in dc, plays that song at least two times every saturday night during the flashback dance party.
@King James – Crackhead?!?! I try so hard NOT to laugh at your comments sometimes, but I simply can’t help it! 🙂
@Tara- *standing ovation* Thanks for expressing how I’ve felt for years now. Point blank, the term in wack. Matter of fact, the song was too and I never understood diluting the value and the strength of the term wife by padding it with a “y” to overshadow the fact that you’ve chosen not to take the step of bringing marriage to fruition (for whatever reason – just stick to girlfriend/boyfriend). I don’t think you are making too much of this at all. When I was dating my husband, he never called me wifey, but other people would refer to me as such, and I would always cringe. I think semantics are important when it comes to devaluing such words as husband and wife to the extent that it eventually gives life to a concept that makes women feel like being his “wifey” is certainly good enough. So…yea, I hope this word dies by the end of the year too! 🙂
Cant stand the term. I am raising 4 girls and they know it isnt a label that is wanted or cherished.
Let me make a slight clarification. I don’t mind if a man is doing right by his woman, and they are taking their time getting to know each other, date, build a proper foundation, etc., before they get married. My beef with the word comes into play when men use it in the manner my friend Chris did. When they KNOW they have NO intentions on settling down with this woman and the woman obviously wants more, so they sling around the word “wifey” like an elastic wedding ring. Ugh. Young guys (dang, I sound old) used to kill me with that. My ex used to call me his wifey in one breath and be verbally abusive the next. Made no sense.
.-= Tara @ The Young Mommy Life´s last blog ..Where the cool kids hang out… =-.
I don’t mind the term too much. It’s ok. I don’t prefer to be called that since I am married but I wouldn’t mind especially since sometimes I call my husband “hubby”. But when it’s used as a means to “shut her up” then I REALLY don’t like it. Don’t do or say anything “just to shut me up” or you will get the exact OPPOSITE! LOL
Here’s the thing. The term “wifey” has transformed into a mentality amongst young women (particularly) and become a culture of it’s own, and it’s not ok. I know too many women raising kids on their own, taking care of these sorry men AND their children….but, it’s ok because she’s his WIFEY! It makes me sad to see my friends sell themselves short and their position in life not increase one bit – but in their minds, the relationship is solidified based on misleading vernacular. That is why the terminology is dangerous. It appears harmless on the surface until you( or someone you know) have/has fallen into the trap. I have a teenage sister and you have to educate them early. Wifey is not equivalent to wife (or if you’re lucky like Tara *hehe), queen. Yes words are what you make of them, until their given too much power.
The term “hubby” gets on my last nerve. Ladies, if you are married, he is your Husband. Gentlemen, if you are married, she is your WIFE.
Wifey is a derogatory term, equivalent to “Cut Buddy”, Side-Line Hooker Who Thinks I’m Going To Marry Her, Fling, Eternal Girlfriend…keeping it real, maybe too real. The kids in the poor areas of the city love it. It goes back to that Black Folks Don’t Get Married Syndrome…so I guess the term Wifey fits for those who don’t quite comprehend what marriage is all about. Singers and rappers make this mess so popular, it’s just plain embarrassing.
I would never refer to my wife as such, she would throw major side eye my way…in that special way that only a “Black” woman can do it.
Peace Ya’ll.
I don’t have much against many terms as long as it isn’t derrogatory or vulgar. I blush a bit when he calls me wifey cuz it usually is entrenched in his love & respect for me as he speaks of me to others. 😀 Almost 9 yrs in, I’m simply grateful that God has allowed growth & development of our relationship in both love & respect.
Wifey and Boo both need to be dropped.
I never really thought about it, truthfully. My husband has always called me “My Beautiful.” Even when I was acting ugly, it was, “OK, my beautiful.” LOL
I understand where everyone is coming from; however, I did want to comment that “laying it down” properly is one thing, but disrespect is another. If a woman is uncomfy with “wifey,” or “boo,” then a man has to respect that. What’s next? Are women going to be OK with being called female dogs? Surely not!
All in all, it’s whatever heartbeat your relationship has. Personally, I think “wifey” is a tad juvenile, but that’s just me.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
Oh, and I have to add that I agree wholeheartedly with Al Lopez’s commentary. He brought a perspective that I hadn’t thought about!
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
I am only know as wifey in my husband’s cell phone directory. He calls me his wife and when we were dating he called me his lady. I personally dont like when men call women who they are just dating wifey. I earned my title and respect it. How can someone be known as wifey today and that b***h tomorrow. Come on now!!!!
I absolutely abhor the term “wifey”, I hated before I was even married when Next was singing it and I still hate it now. I agree that its a trinket term used in which to make a woman feel like she’s special but she’s really not. I do know some married folks in my age range that call their wives wifey, but im guessing it may be a hold over from when they were dating or shacking up lol.
I do call my husband hubby tho…mostly in type…when im speaking I call him my husband. If Im being cute i may even “shorten” it more to “the hubster” or “the hubs” lol, but im silly like that, lol.
I agree – 2 serious – folks call they husband hubby so whats the differnce. Ya gonna keep tripin & lose the single folks cuz ya do come off @ times actin like ya better than us 🙁
Al Lopez & the rest of ya are totally out of line – this is whats wrong with the world today – quit judging folk – let God do his job – who are u anyways? A mere mortal. Kids that grow up poor need to be uplifted not put down – some of these commits are unbelievable and not Christian like at all. I know half of ya is old as Mathusa but actin like stuck up snotty siddity auntie & uncle toms. Some say mom, mommy, dad, daddy – who freakin cares – we all been called worse – if u dont like the term dont use it – as far as Next song – them brothas got down – quit being so hateful.. Dont hate – congratulate step back and watch me demonstrate – my God where has all the luv & real folks gone – my grandmother would have a hay day wit ya – open the Word turds
@Tara: I agree w/your ENtire 1st paragraph.
“Wifey” just sounds dumb. “Girlfriend”is fine, or just refer to me by my NAME.
“Baby daddy/momma” has always sounded stupid to me — especially when you’re chid is 15 & far from a baby. Is there a cut off point?
One could (and probably will) argue that they’re both terms of endearment. (No arguments here tho…)
.-= {Ms. P}´s last blog ..Bottoms Up: Super Bowl XLIV Reality Show-Down =-.
Since this was a hot topic we moved it over to our Essence.com blog. Check it out:
https://blogs.essence.com/black_and_married_with_kids/2010/01/what-does-wifey-mean-to-you.html
.-= Lamar´s last blog ..VIDEO: President Obamas State of the Union Address =-.
@ TZ
I don’t think anyone was being put down. It’s just an open discussion about a term that admittedly gets too much play. I think someone above said when you’re 25 and under, it’s fine, but when you have folks in their 30s and 40s saying “wifey” this and “wifey” that, it just seems like that should be relegated to a private audience at home.
That said, no one is looking down at others (well…speaking for myself, I’m not). I think people have their preferences, and some of them are very strong. I don’t have to like wifey…and you don’t have to like the fact that I don’t like it. But the discussion didn’t degenerate to snobbery at all. It’s obviously something a lot of people are passionate about. To me, this article busted perceptions wide open, because I had never truly thought about it before.
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
Oh…and CONGRATS, Tara!!!!
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..Paradise =-.
YAY Tara! Thanks for writing this…I am really enjoying the excuses…I mean different perspectives! lol…calm down folks, I kid – kind of. 🙂 HAPPY FRIDAY!
@ TZ- this site is not called “Black CHRISTIANS Married with Kids” so in my opinion this is not a forum about biblical correctness but rather a place where discussions can be had about the various aspects of black relationships; in particular marriage.
I think the single persons opinion is one from the outside looking in. And if you are going to be offended then you shouldn’t be browsing around on the internet.
I personally think as long as your partner is not calling you disrespectful names what is the big deal. Now, if you don’t like the term then your partner should respect you enough not to call you that. I was just stating that the term is not seen as “bad” by all people. Maybe its a generational think. I am in my early twenties and so the people in my age range don’t see it that way. Its just like “honey”, “boo”, “baby”, “sweetheart”, etc. But to each their own.
.-= Alcinia´s last blog ..A Bit Different These Days =-.
@Alcinia – Hey, now, girl! I’m 24! Thanks for making me feel old. LOL!
.-= Tara´s last blog ..Where the cool kids hang out… =-.
ha ha ha… sorry Tara! You are definitely not old. Maybe its where you’re from. I live in Las Vegas so … I know on the West Coast we are a lot more laid back about certain things.
.-= Alcinia´s last blog ..A Bit Different These Days =-.
interesting… and LOL at “husband-ish.” Personally, I don’t have a problem with the term. I think that being strung along goes way deeper than a term. When my husband and I were seriously dating, I was his ‘girl’ or his ‘queen’ or ‘wifey.’ Even now, most times he will refer to me as his queen or his wife, but the other day he said wifey, and it tickled me. I think it’s kind of a cute term for a serious girlfriend, but it’s not something to fall back on to think a man is committed when he isn’t. Regardless of terminology, the actual commitment to the relationship is what is important.
for the record, though, I feel TZ. I think a lot of times married women come across as feeling superior to single women. I get that vibe sometimes, like “how dare anyone unmarried think their relationship is anywhere NEAR as committed as mine.” And with comments like “Side-Line Hooker Who Thinks Im Going To Marry Her” — that may be what it means to Al Lopez, but not to someone else. The term doesn’t dilute the word “wife.” Only a married woman is a wife. Any other term falls into the “not-wife” category. I could understand feeling like the strength and dignity of the term were being compromised if a lot of unmarried people were calling each other husband and wife. Or if a “married” lesbian were calling her partner her wife. But wifey? Nah.
“To me, marriage is sacred. Either you are married or you are not. Theres a very distinct line there. I dont mean that one is necessarily better than the other, but if youre married, you are not single and if you are single you are not married. You cant be both. Wifey tries to straddle that line, but does so unsuccessfully.”
EXTREMELY well-put! Definitely echos my sentiments.
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Two Blogs That Feed The Domestic Goddess In Me =-.
I did not read all the comments. so I will apoligize if I repeat what someone may have said. I have been married for awhile and this term was not out then. Wifey to me means, the main gf. LOL. I call my husband “hubby” all the time. I never liked saying the word husband because I got tired of women saying “my husband, this or my husband that, as if I did not know their husbands name. It just sounded like they were throwing the fact that they were married in my face. I use to call my husband, “my old man”. He never said anything about it until someone pointed it out to us. I call him my husband when introducing him , but otherwise when talking to ppl we both know I say his name. I once again am laughing at me, this post is about what hubby calls/called me. He called me his gf. I was never his fiance’ and now he calls me is wife or the old ball and chain, just kidding about the last part. My husband really does have pride in in voice when he introduces me as his “wife”. That makes me feel good.
“To me, marriage is sacred. Either you are married or you are not. Theres a very distinct line there. I dont mean that one is necessarily better than the other, but if youre married, you are not single and if you are single you are not married. You cant be both. Wifey tries to straddle that line, but does so unsuccessfully.â€
Dido.
I never really gave this term much thought until now. I am almost 30, and my (now fiance) has never called me his “wifey”, but friends of his have. It probably is because we’ve been together since the early 2000s, live together and have kids. We had been together too long to still be saying boyfriend/girlfriend, but were not married yet. I never thought it was disrespectful, but using it to provide a false sense of security is not right either. It all comes down to the motivation behind the term.
I got married in 2000 and the DJ (who otherwise was pretty good) decided to play THAT SONG as the first song to open the dance floor. UGH!!! I really disliked that moment. My husband wasn’t as appalled as I and I got over it, but, I really don’t like that term.
I belieive my husband uses it as a term of endearment, but not often. He usually uses it in the context of publically asking my opinion. For example the FIOS man comes to the door talking about diggin up the yard and asking us to switch over. He’ll share his oopinion then ask, “Wifey?” I have no problem with that. I might take objection or quesion his intentions if he called me that before we were married. it’s all about context.
As far as the song, I thought it was another failed attempt of “new skool artist” to make a love song with a hip hop flair.
I actually don’t think it’s that serious. I have no problem with it. My husband calls me wifey and never did before we were married. But if he did, I don’t think I’d be offended. It’s the ACTIONS instead of the words that we should focus on.
Totally agree with Tara’s comment. I have a problem being called “wifey” if we’re not married, that’s just not ok with me.
Tara, you’ve struck a nerve with this one! I love it!! I venture to say some men may use the term as a (successful) pacifier of sorts, to give their girl the “main squeeze” status w/out the commitment of marriage. However, many women in relationships (committed or otherwise – hello!), give themselves the Wifey moniker, so really it’s up to the people who choose to use it. Personally, I’ve never heard Kris call me Wifey, and if he did, being that we’re married and all, it would be no biggie.
.-= Execumama´s last blog ..Diary of a Single Mom: Yet another reminder of why you can give thanks =-.
Before we got married, my husband referred to me as “wifey”…ONCE! I let him know that I would be his girlfriend, his fiancee, or his wife, but not his wifey. I think the term devalues marriage by casually conferring a title that should be earned through commitment.
Wow. Never thot people didnt like that Next song term that much. I actually thot wifey meant wife and I definitely wont take offense if my hubby (yes I call my husband that) call me such. We joke a lot anyway and call each other all sort of names, so I guess it works out for us.
Sorry to say… but I think you are tripping over that old song.
To me:
Husband it to “Hubby” as Wife is to “Wifey”.
That’s all. Or maybe I missed the boat!