I get up and go to work everyday – regardless of what’s happening. I will make sure there is always a roof over our family’s head and food on the table. I am the provider, and I take pride in the role. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with the weight of the title.
I have high expectations of myself and those closest to me. Everytime I hear about a new country my wife wishes she could visit, or new venture she wants to participate in, I want to give it to her. Everytime she’s angry at a world she feels has wronged her, I am the immovable concrete pillar of emotional stability she can always lean on. I like being her emotional pillar.
I am working to give her the world.
However, there are many nights I ask myself who will I talk to on the nights I feel I’m not living up to my role? On most nights of my life I would rather go to sleep in silence, but there are also many nights I wish I could share the load some. It seems unfair. Unfair to her. She has her own stuff to worry about – her own burdens.
I take out my inevitable frustrations and short temper out in different ways. Sudden raised voice, a passive aggressive reply, nervous sexual tension. None of it healthy if left unchecked. I’m calm – until I’m not.
People love hating on Drake. Too lightskinned. Too Jewish. Too R&B. Too Canadian. Too whatever.
The reason Drake is Drake is because every man has a little Drake in him. Drake has tapped into how a man feels, but rarely admits out loud to anyone outside of his own mother, their mostest bestest friend in the whole wide world, or the person they are currently sleeping with. Drake not only gets away with putting his feelings on blast for the world to ridicule as it sees fit, he gets paid MILLIONS to put his feelings on blast for the world to ridicule. Drake is easy to hate.
Drake’s genius comes from knowing more things connect humans than there are things that separate us. Desire, hurt, loneliness, pressure to meet expectations, sex, trust, family issues, and the motivation to stunt just a little on the people who have never believed in you – at some level we all know what this feels like.
Every man has a little bit of Drake inside of him. Just like almost every person has a percentage of 2 Chainz in them.
Regretfully, I jam Drake on too many evenings I should be having a conversation with my wife. She chooses social media as her convenient distraction.
We’re changing that by being intentional about how we treat one another, and openly honest about what we’re really thinking. Sometimes “goodnight” really means “you’re lucky I love you.”
You have to admit your truth out loud to grow.
Marvin’s Room still jams.
BMWK, What do you have in common with Drake?
Well written. I have to agree, it’s hard to be vulnerable with your wife when you’re always looking out for her vulnerabilities. You’re right about intentionality, in that the man has to intentionally Introduce the idea that, despite his best intentions, the respnsibilities he takes on may overwhelm him. My wife and I have been conscious of this for a while, and we’re making progress. However, my first response in most situations is to play the hero, which is an ego boost for me, until I’m in over my head. I’m learning to unlearn.