Singles, it can be a challenge to learn how to forgive and apologize when it comes to relationships that ended negatively. Perhaps you were the dumper or the dumpee. Personally, I can’t stand breakups, but God has placed people in our lives for a time and a season, so we must be careful not to hold on to something not meant for us.
How to Forgive | Letting Go of the Hurt
In this article:
- How to Forgive as God Intended
- Vulnerability Comes with Learning How to Forgive
- Apologizing Despite Your Pride
- Forgiveness Is Not a Contest
- Spring Cleaning the Clutter in Your Heart
How to Forgive as God Intended
In this process of growing in God and becoming the woman God wants me to be, I have to be open to the lessons my Father presents. One of my exes sent me a message to apologize for his behavior/actions towards me in the last year of our relationship. We don’t normally talk at all, nor are we “friends” on Facebook, but the message still got through.
Any ex who comes into your life asking for forgiveness may bring up feelings you may have not fully addressed after the breakup. The trauma and changes that occurred after the breakup took up a lot of time from the important reflection step in which you look at the relationship, pray, and try to see what went wrong and why. God will reveal that to you, brothers and sisters, so be prayerful always, especially after the breakup.
Vulnerability Comes with Learning How to Forgive
Going back to my initial feelings when he contacted me, I could have felt annoyed, jilted, bitter, upset, spiteful, unforgiving, judgmental…the list goes on. I had to take some time to respond because I didn’t want to respond with emotion, but with spirit and Godly wisdom. I prayed to God to give me wisdom in this situation.
As vulnerable as it is to be apologetic, it can be just as vulnerable to forgive.
Apologizing Despite Your Pride
It takes a lot to apologize. This is a core tenet of learning how to forgive. You have to put your pride to the side, put up your faith, and get your release from what you may have been dealing with. There are millions of people, men and women, parents and children, friends, co-workers and partners who are walking around with a huge weight on their shoulders that could be easily removed by letting go and recognizing their errors.
There is a relieving peace that comes with apologizing. You also help others get their freedom when you apologize because it helps open the door to forgiveness. If you have done wrong by someone like an ex, family member, friend, etc., take the time to pray as to how you should approach the situation and make things right. Apologies make us healthy and keep us human (i.e. no one is perfect).
Forgiveness Is Not a Contest
Forgiveness: If you get the apology first, you are blessed! Not a lot of people get an apology for the wrongs done to them in their life, especially if the transgressor is no longer alive. In the case of the ex, you must forgive them. Forgiveness equals freedom for you, and it has the power to give them freedom, as well.
Forgiveness is a love action, something that God does for us every day. You can’t function properly carrying unforgiveness in your heart towards someone from your past. To get what God has for you in your near future, you have to let go of the past hurt, rejection, and pain that past love has caused. Let God fill those voids in your heart and He will restore you.
Forgiveness is one of the essential parts of salvation, too. Without forgiveness, our lives will have an alternate destination. God has seen and heard all of it before; He has been forgiving His children since before you and I came around, so learn this important lesson from the Master.
Spring Cleaning the Clutter in Your Heart
At the end of the day, apologizing and forgiving require you to make a conscious decision to resolve issues brought up in the past and clear out the clutter in your heart. I told my ex that I had already forgiven him and thanked him for apologizing. That might not be easy for some of you right now and it’s natural to feel hurt, but don’t let that natural feeling stay so long it corrupts your spirit.
Allen Parr teaches us the importance of forgiveness in this video:
I forgave my ex(es) because I want to be free and happy now, tomorrow, and when I’m madly in love with someone better for me than any of those other guys [insert Amen here]. Need to apologize or forgive? Do it sooner than later so you can be better in life, love, and spirit. And when you’re ready to forgive, remember this passage from Mark 11:25 NIV: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins.”
BMWK family — how will you react if any of your exes calls to apologize for any pain they may have caused you?
Editor’s Note — This post was originally published on March 17, 2014, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.