What are your thoughts when you hear that a married woman is the breadwinner in her home? Be honest. Do you think, “wow, that is awesome… she is doing her thing?” Or, do you think, “why the heck is she the breadwinner… what is her husband doing?”
My husband and I both work outside of the home. He makes more money than I do. To be honest, he always had. I have never had an issue with it because – well, why would I? But what if I made more money than him? Would that change things? Would he care? Or better yet, would I care?
My husband is a pretty cool guy. He cooks, he cleans, he mows the lawn, he fixes things – I can’t front about the fact that he really is a good guy. But as cool and as liberal as he is, I still wonder how he would feel if I brought in significantly more money than he does. We’ve spoken about it (because I am trying to make that paper) and he says he would be just fine with it. But saying you will be fine and actually being fine are two different things.
Now, let’s say he is genuinely fine with it, and he has no problem with me making more — am I fine with it? Would I feel some sort of way if I made more money than my husband – if I was the breadwinner? Would I feel like he needs to step his game up? I don’t think I would. As long as he remains an active contributor to our household, I can’t imagine having a problem. After all, my money is our money, right?
I think most men might have an issue with their wives being the breadwinner. Sure, many of them might say it’s cool because on the surface all they are thinking about is financial security. But if they dig deeper they will come to find that providing less financial support in the home can make them feel like they just aren’t doing their part. Maybe it has to do with how they were raised, or maybe it’s about societal expectations, but I think most men want to be the breadwinner. Men are hardwired to provide, and how much they can provide is often attached to their self-worth.
On the other end, women may say that they want to be with a man who is secure enough to accept his wife bringing home more money, but I think most of those women are thinking on the surface, too. As great as they might feel about their income, many women may secretly wonder why their man can’t step it up and bring home more money. They might wonder why they have to bring in most of the money while still doing all the things they do to keep the home together (especially if there are children involved).
So many factors can determine how a couple might manage a situation like this. Was the wife always the breadwinner? Is she in an industry where she will always make more money than her husband? Is he in an industry where he will never make what he deserves (e.g. education)? Is the relationship already on shaky ground? Does the husband feel respected as the man in the house? Are there kids in the picture? I could go on and on. All these factors matter.
I plan to stay on my grind and bring in a pretty sweet income one day. I am really not concerned about making more than my husband. And, if I married the man that I think I married, he will gladly stand by my side, cheer me on, and do what it takes to make sure I keep bringing in those checks. I think there are plenty of men out there who would do the same for their wives. I don’t ever plan to make him feel like less of a man, and I am confident that he will gladly embrace every extra dollar in our bank account.
BMWK Family, is it okay if the wife is the breadwinner?
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In my opinion, there is no definitive answer for the way married couples should approach a situation involving the wife being the breadwinner– every couple has a different vision for their marriage.
That said, a mother’s emotional involvement in her child’s development is very important. Have you ever wondered why women carry and birth children and not men? This is His doing, and He did so with clear intentions. God knew that in order for children to lead healthy and well-rounded lives, they needed a mother’s nurturing– a caregiver.
This why women have 9 months to bond with their child before the baby arrives into this world. Women, especially Christian women, should understand that God’s gift to you is the ability to nurture and prepare children, not only to become educated and affluent members of society, but to also become socially conscious, well-mannered and selfless givers to humanity. Be very cautious. Children can careless about your achievements and professional accomplishments (those are for you) but do believe that they will forever remember the times you spent with them, the meals you prepared and the words of wisdom you imparted; and a good man understands this very well and will do his part by providing stability and protection to allow his woman to utilize her God-given gifts.
Agreed
Full-heartedly agree with Girlie Girl’s post.
Every couple has a different vision for thier marriage, but couples sometimes have situations (choice and not by choice) that put the wife in that role. Sometimes it’s a laid of husband, husband returning to high education, disability, etc. I think a better question would be how a husband would handle the wife being the sole income of the household for reasons out of his control?
Before we married, I made more that her because I had tenants living with me. When we got married, the tenants left and my income dropped below hers. Its been 15 years and she has always made more money thatn me. We both work. We both bring in good money – hers is a little-‘gooder’ than mine though. But I don’t feel less than, inferior, or the need to over compensate in other areas. My wife respects me and honors me as the head of our Christian household. Money has never been an issue because I don’t lead my family based on how much money comes in – but rather on the principles by which a Christian household should be governed. Money is merely the tool that allows us to do the things that we both establish will be done.
This article hits so close to home.
This article hits so close home. My husband became increasing jealous when God began to open doors in my career and higher education pursuits. My husband tried to sabotage and undermine me getting my masters degree and once he saw that I was about to graduate he got so infuriated, he began to cheat on me and stay out all night. This really opened my eyes to what type of man he was and I realized I married the wrong person because marriage is a partnership; you support each other no matter what. I was always supporting his dreams and I was always his number one cheerleader, but he couldn’t do the same for me once I got the big paycheck, front office with a view and running a division at my job.