When I was an early twenty something my views on marriage were slightly skewed. My mom and I would often have relationship centered conversations. She always seemed amused about my views and outlook on marriage. She would often smirk because she recognized how much I had to learn whenever I did find myself involved in a serious relationship. In those talks I would often brag on how little I would tolerate drama. Even once I got married I would proudly proclaim that the first sign of trouble I was out. Especially cheating, fussing and fighting (went without saying). I would often say there would be no talking just me leaving.
What I didn’t consider at the time was how I would feel once I got married. It’s so easy to say what you would and wouldn’t do when you aren’t currently in the situation. What I know now, I wasn’t aware of then. With the exception of fighting, the other situations that can occur in a marriage aren’t necessarily deal-breakers as I once declared they would be. In fact, my mom actually spotted when that change happened in me. I remember her asking, “So now if cheating or fussing were to happen in your marriage are you still going to leave?” I smirked because we both now know it isn’t that simple.
I absolutely love being married. And I don’t picture myself walking away from it too quickly. Even in today’s society where divorce appears to be the first option, it’s not mine. There are multiple reasons as to what keeps a couple married. Several couples stay for the sake of the children, others stay for the love and yet others stay for selfish reasons.
What keeps me married is the love, connection, friendship and the fact that what we have built is solid and feels good. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
Love takes time. It’s the reason we do what we do in our relationship. How we react and respond to one another is based on the love we have. Our love appears in our commitment, sacrifice and the patience we demonstrate towards one another. The love we share keeps me married!
The connection keeps it good! My husband and I can relate to one another. He knows me and I know him. We are able to communicate effectively all because of this connection. It feels so good to be with someone I feel completely comfortable with. The connection keeps me married!
Ahhh the friendship. There is no greater feeling than to share a life with someone I love and who I consider my best friend. The friendship keeps me married!
The overall foundation we’ve built is solid. We’ve built a relationship with trust and honesty along with joy, peace and love. We have created a home that we both look forward to coming back to everyday. Our home is filled with all the things that matter to us. The foundation keeps me married!
Again, there are various reasons as to what keeps a person married. BMWK, what keeps you married?
I love this!
Thank you for the comment.
Great article Tiya and I couldn’t agree more. You hit it on the head.
Thanks Lamar!
This was a great article. Marriage is SO much different than dating. I love this!
I totally agree! I felt the difference right after the wedding. I saw him differently immediately. Thanks for your comment
THANK YOU, I have single friends who compare their dating life to my married life and I always tell them I’m on a whole different level, you will never reach it until you experience it in it’s fullness! This article was great! I hear so many woman talk about what they would not put you with from their husbands but at the same time the put up with it from their boyfriends. This was just a great article!!!!
Nikki, I couldn’t agree more. Well said!
What keeps me Married is what I have(we have) invested; Spiritually, Physically & Financially. The time The effort The forgiveness. Being a Business Woman I hate losing on a investment. Also withdrawing prematurely thus nt hanging around to see the full return on my investment.
Love it!
I feel the exact same way! I feel like we’ve come too far and invested way too much to give up so easily. We’re in it to win it.
Absolutely Briana!
You read my mind and put my thoughts into this article…this is a great article a
Thank you!
We have been married for 45 years. We have two married children, and two grandchildren. In the article, Tiya said, “What keeps me married is the love, connection, friendship and the fact that what we have built is solid and feels good. Its not always easy, but its worth it.” That is a good summary of what happens when marriage works.
She said it is not always easy, but what I would like to add is this: “It gets better with time.”
For us, our marriage is like an investment in a good retirement plan. What you’re investing in is the payoff in the future. What makes the journey enjoyable along the way is the constant deposits made into that investment. The dividends start to pay off when you see your children grow and start to become independent. It is then you can see the first fruits of your investment. Later, when there is only the two of you on a quiet evening, you can reflect on those early days of blissfull excitement, and now bask in the comfort that you provide for each other.
What kept us married through all these years was faith in the path we invested our lives to follow — to honor, cheish, and love each other for better or worse. Whatever the worse times were, we can hardly remember now because they are so greatly overshadowed by the best we have given to each other.
Thanks for helping to revive the memories of a long life together — with many more years to come.
Roger, your words always inspire me. Congratulations on 45 years!
I’m 27 years old, and I got married in August. In the past months, my hubs (who LOVES Internet publications) has found and shared with me SO many positive and honest blogs from married Black professionals. I’m grateful to him for finding and sharing them with me, and I’m grateful to you all for being here to find! Thanks!
Congratulations, thanks for your comment.
Awesome article..I think alot of us have been in that tight spot in the beginning stages where we aren’t really clear on what to do in a marriage or how we would be. So, it’s comforting to know others have experienced similar wading in those sometimes turbulent waters…
Shared this on my FB page. Is worth the read. So share with someone!