I am currently reading an amazing, life-changing book titled “The Dream Giver” by Bruce Wilkinson. So far, this book has altered the way I look at my life and examine my dreams. It has been an eye opening experience. The book highlights the significance of pursuing your dreams, no matter what. In one chapter the reader is challenged to discover who or what has prevented us from pursuing our passions. “Dream Giver” asks whether or not family or friends were responsible for extinguishing the ideas and plans we have for our lives; telling us we weren’t going to make it or that the dream made no sense or was unrealistic. This one particular statement stood out most to me, “maybe your family made it clear, without ever saying, that you’re not expected to accomplish much”. This sentence of course immediately made me think about my role as a parent. I am pretty confident in the wisdom I verbally share with my daughters, but I have not considered what I don’t say and the affect it has on my children.
I nearly cringed just by reading those words. That simple statement immediately created a small panic in me. We push our children academically by sharing our expectations regarding the types of grades they bring home. But I don’t know that I stress enough just how much I truly expect them to accomplish with their lives. I highlight the future in terms of continuing on to college and performing well there, but unfortunately that may be the extent of it. I hope we aren’t, without ever saying, that they are not expected to accomplish much.
I am realizing this parenting job is so much bigger and deeper than I sometimes acknowledge. Not only are we responsible for the lessons and discipline we share with our children, but also the actions and non-verbal communication we display. My children need to hear, feel and know from me that I expect them to excel in everything they do. I must make it clear that they are never to let anyone, including me; tell them what they are incapable of. Their dreams are real and attainable and my biggest expectation is that they pursue them with everything they have. So if I ever forget to say it, I must express it with every smile, expression, and embrace we share. I want my unspoken message to my daughters to match the words I verbalize.
BMWK, what unspoken messages do you feel you are sending to your children? Is it the message you want to send?
I love this! As a mom of two girls I always revaluate myself when it comes to this issue.
Thank you. As moms we do always have to revaluate ourselves. Our children are watching and soaking up every piece of information they can. Our actions help to shape their futures.
Love this!! Growing up I was around a lot of things that I NEVER wanted my child to experience, feel, and witness. I think at times I over contemplate situations and things I do as a parent. What are some tips or books that can be advised to me?
Thank you Dia. Trust yourself as a parent. When we come from a place of love for our children first. We can’t go wrong. Attending parenting workshops is always helpful as well as reading parenting-focused magazines. Those articles are always timely and speaks to the current needs of parents.
I love this and it is especially timely as I am launching a new business. I have noticed my kids have changed as much as I have on this journey to pursuing my dream. I know without question that my kids believe they can do anything not only because I say it to them all the time but them seeing my journey with all the warts but also the rewards is the REAL DEAL. These kids will soar and find the work that is most fulfilling to them without fear. They may work for others or start their own things or take over mine but they will not settle. I know it.
Love your comment Denise! Sounds like you are setting the perfect example. Kudos to you!
This was so needed. Thank you Tiya! Sounds like I need that book too! We’re so focused on education and and good citizenship, we are missing the focus on raising self-actualizing young adults incapable of fearing the impossible.
Thank you Sheree. The book is awesome!