by Eric Payne
Several months ago on this site there were a number of articles that discussed the nuances and the problems that arise in marriages/relationships when the woman leads and is the major decision-maker.
However,what happens if and when the dynamic changes, whether it be by circumstance — the loss of a job, the birth of a child, or something similar — or conscious decision or some combination of both? When the formerly conspicuously quiet or indecisive man suddenly begins asserting himself, making those necessary key and critical decisions for the well being of his own life and the lives of his family members, then what? Will you, as the woman who was the former lead”...
- acquiesce to your “new and improved husband” – happy that he’s finally “arrived?”
- seek to find a balance that allows the two of you work cohesively together as a unit?
- disbelieve and fight against the change because you are unable to accept him as a decision maker although you previously resented him for not being one?
Ladies, please know that the last option listed above is not the stuff that healthy relationships and marriages are made of. Be careful what you ask for and be careful of your gripes against your mate. Because if he’s listening and should the day come that he decides and does step up to the plate to be the man you’ve always wanted and/or needed you’re going to have to step along with him or stand against him.
Are you willing? Are you able? Will you be ready?
Follow Eric on Facebook and Twitter. He has written the articles Investing In An Emotional Letdown and the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook). He keeps it candid about being a man, dad and husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. In his “spare time” Eric reviews autos, tech products and writes relationship articles for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.
GeeGee4 says
Eric, I love this article…I must admit that I am one of those women who is the leader of the home..
Even though it is in me to be a leader, I have always encouraged my husband to make some decisions as well as join in with me in making some decisions. This is successful sometimes but not often. To tell you the truth, at this time I would love for him to step for real but it would take some adjusting on my part if he was to do it on a consistent basis… But I welcome the challenge!!!!LOL
EPayne says
Hey GeeGee, at least you are honest with your situation and your feelings about it. Kudos for being open to the challenge. 🙂
Nikki says
I am happy to say that I actually take pleasure in following the lead of my husband . I made a conscious decision to marry a man that I can respect as the head of the home. And he respects and honors my opinion as well, which is why decisions are made mutually (This wasn’t automatic. In all honestly, it took a lil bit of time for it to flourish. But it bloomed just in time. LOL!) Everyone has their role to play in a relationship and I am happy with the way my husband contributes to the family as well as how I contribute. Being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for the past three years has really made me financially dependent on my husband, but ultimately dependent on God. With our “unique” marriage (traditional division of labor) , which is few to none nowadays, I am able to provide a comfortable and peaceful home when my husband comes home from work with a decent (not spotless) home and food on the table. When I hear his car pull up (loud exhaust), our 2 1/2 year old son and I meet him on the porch to greet him with smiles and hugs. My husband knows what he is coming home to, so his days at work are less stressful (except for those days I want to pull my hair out).
Although many women would hate to admit it (as I used to), they want a man who is willing to take the lead. Some men abuse their leadership, which is why many women don’t follow. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with a man who is open to God’s leading, so being that “neck” that turns the “head” comes a lot easier.Choose your mate wisely.
-Nikki Ace
https://aceofsahms.wordpress.com
Check out my book:
https://www.amazon.com/Words-Wisdom-Stay-at-Home-Their-Husbands/dp/1461017971/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1303913334&sr=1-1
EPayne says
Bravo!
Rubygriffin36 says
Even though,I am a Leo…I love to be in charge,but all the time i can’t,so i step down…cause i want my husband to feel need,and want.Of course,I’m ready for my husband to step up now,to some decision…I gave him a inch,and he took a mile, that was okay…cause he was only letting me think,i was running things,but i really wasn’t…That what i love about my husband,he alway standing beside me…I knew,He knew,I was in charge of the house,he was in charge of the outside,and we both was in charge of paying the bills…
Cancan1316 says
Ok,this is hard for me to deal with!! I would love to followt the lead of my husband,but when will it happen! We have been together for nearly 10 years and we are only 27! I come from a single parent home were my mother did everything. My husband on the other hand comes from a two parent home..From the moment we started dating I was in charge (did not want intend for it to happen like this). Not by choice but by life.My mother often times would make me handle everything while she was at work or out.I was the oldest and only girl leaving me to raise and take care of my little brothers. My huband was the only boy and did not have to worry about anything.It seems as though that has carried over into our marriage. He Depends on me For everything,from bills,interviews,kids schooling,Everything you can think of I do it..I so sick of it TOOOO.I’ve been praying on it and Lord knows how hard I try to make this thang work. Now don’t get me wrong he is a Great Guy.It’s just he does not know his role as a husband. All he thinks that is required of him is Work.I’m lost and I want to be the Wife God has called me to be.Thanks Guys,,Sick of taking the lead His Turn!!!!!!!
Desiree says
My husband and I share in the decision making roles in our family, depending on the decision to be made. There are times when he consults with me, times when he makes a decision, and time when I make a decision. We are the type of couple who are usually on the same page about the vast majority of issues anyway, so it makes it easier to get together on major decision making. However, if there is something we CANNOT agree on, his decision is the final one in our house. While this is exceedingly rare, (and hard for me to swallow), that is the way God intended it to be. The man is the head of the family, but I am certainly the neck. And it’s a good place to be. 🙂
Dianne Daniels says
Lived this a few years back – on the regular. My husband of over 21 years was Active Duty in the U.S. Navy…periodic deployments meant that I was the “head of household” while he was away (sometimes for up to 7 months at a time) and when he was home, our roles shifted. I kept him up to date as much as the mail would allow, but we both knew (and acted on) what we knew the roles would be. HE is the head of our household and of our marriage. We are partners, but HE is the primary. He placed ultimate trust in me to take care of things while he was away, and I returned the trust to him and gave him back control when he was home.
Maybe it’s because we had to do it so often that it became “normal” for us and not an issue. Even when he retired and took a year to explore other possibilities, during which time I was the primary breadwinner (he did recieve retirement benefits), he was, and continues to be, the head of our household. I’m happy that he’s now home every day and we share the responsibilities. Wouldn’t have it any other way – I love that I am married to a man who I CAN follow…he does not demand it, I give it freely. One MORE reason I love him so!