If there is one thing that I’ve learned from couples that are much further along in their marriage journey than I am, it is that you will have some rough times.
Sometimes you will have some really rough times. And sometimes you may have days, weeks, or even months that cause you to doubt your relationship and make you feel like you want to leave.
In fact, I believe that it is highly unlikely to find a couple that has been happily married every single moment of their marriage. But I think the biggest difference between the couples that made it through and those that didn’t often isn’t the problem at hand. Sometimes it’s simply the fact that they didn’t let go.
I have seen many couples that you never would have guessed had been at the brink of separation or divorce at some point that are happily married today. Despite their differences, they didn’t give up, and were able to reap the benefit.
If you are feeling those rumblings of doubt over your relationship, instead of taking the opportunity to withdraw or let go, use that time to hold on even tighter. Have a vision for your marriage and fight for it. Set all of your differences aside for just a day and be as nice to your spouse as you possibly can. Fake it “˜til you make it if you need to, but do what you must to make it. I can’t claim to know everything about making a marriage work, but I do know that the sure way to make it fail is by giving up.
In the end, every marriage is different and there may be some that cannot, or should not be saved. But it is better to know that you gave it all that you had, than to give up and wonder whether you left before you got to the very best part. Marriage can be a bumpy ride, so to make it through you’ll need to grab on to love and hold on tight.
Have you been through a time where you wanted to leave your marriage? What did you do to make it through the rough times?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.
Dianne M Daniels says
LOVE this…like most of what I’ve read on BMWK, it has so much relevant to my marriage. Yes, there have been times when I (and I’m sure, my husband) have questioned the relationship. We’ve had our ups and downs – no marriage is perfect – but there have been far more Ups than Downs.
Holding on tighter is a great way to handle things – at least in the beginning. There may come a point when you decide that it’s healthier for all concerned to let go, but by holding on tighter when trouble first appears on the horizon, you may eliminate that point. Fighting for your marriage is a process – and it may take longer than a day, a week or a month to see results – but fight on.
I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for over 20 years – and there are points during which, if I had not made the decision to fight FOR our marriage, that we might have separated or even divorced. Now, I’ve made the commitment to fight for our marriage through whatever and WHOever might try to get in our way. I will NOT give up without a fight…and I am blessed to be at a calm and secure point right now with no overt threats. That does not mean I’m taking my marriage for granted, however…because taking your loved one for granted is a sure way to leave a door open for negativity to enter.
Margaret says
Excellent article. I have been praying a lot for my marriage, some days it’s a real struggle. I know in my heart that God is ever faithful and this is just a trial! Thanks for the great advice!
Wy says
Yes, it can be a difficult road at times. It’s been only about 8 months for me (second marriage). I was married for over 12 years (got married young), and decided after 12 years to take the plunge to a wonderful man. There are times when his angry attitude gets the best of me – it’s like he is having the male version of PMS. When this happens; it doesn’t feel good. But I pray and talk to him, and I’ve also learned to give him some space. Whatever – Low T, or …whatever it is..I just learned to roll with it and as you say, hold on tight. so..I’m gripping and holding on tighter than ever – but saying prayers as I hold on.
Sclovesnnl says
I’m in a ruff part in my marriage. My husband wants to separate because he feels I havent been emotionally supportive. Of course I have been the same for 9years but he says now he can’t take it. He has been laid off for a year and when I thought I was being supportive by looking on the web for jobs..promoting his carpet cleaning jobs…but he wanted somewhat that he didn’t voice.
Hubbardletha says
Its hard when you are the one trying to give marriage a chance. Even after accepting one with flaws and faults you look pass and forgive and love in spite of. You try to be the glue that holds it together but onr willing and not the other in giving second chances its haard to hold ion tight.
Misselite79 says
I am not sure how to hold on tight anymore, I thought I was, but I’m tired, I’ve only been married for 2 1/2 yrs, but know him for 15 yrs prior. I’ve been holding on for a long time. Quite frankly how do I know I’m not just prolonging the inevitable; what have I gotten myself into.
Anacostia Yogi says
This is horrible advice.
I am really surprised that you would promote this especially for many black women who have witnessed another woman “holding on” only to ultimately lose the relationship, her health and her sanity. Many people who are “holding on” are “faking it” and causing a ripple effect for the younger generations. They see these fake relationships and avoid commitment because they know the model is flawed.
I do not suggest following this article’s advice.