I logged onto Facebook Saturday night around 8 p.m. and the first few stories that came up in my news feed were RIP Whitney Houston posts. Afraid to actually investigate in the event that it was true I posted:
OMG! Someone please tell me this is a joke.
It was not a joke.
Sprinkled among the posts by friends reacting in varying levels of shock and devastation were the occasional posts berating the sad posters: “You didn’t know her. Why do you care?”
I cared. Not because I considered myself to be a card-carrying member of her fan club. The news to me was sad because she was a mother and a daughter and her fall from grace was so tragic. If you had asked me whether I was a Whitney Houston fan three days ago, I would have said sure, mostly because liking Whitney Houston is almost like watching the Cosby Show. You just do. Anything to the contrary and you risk permanent black-card revocation.
Sunday morning though, I started to tear up halfway through The Greatest Love of All as I drove to pick up my daughter from a sleepover. Then I started to full-on cry. I was like Florida Evans who had held it together all day, and now it was time to throw the punch bowl and shout: Damn, Damn, Damn!
I didn’t know her. So why was I a grown woman sobbing on the beltway over the death of a woman I had never met?
Sure a big part of it is celebrity worship. It becomes easy to deify people who seem increasingly omnipresent in our lives. If one of the biggest stars can fall so far from the sky, what hope is there for the rest of us, flickering so close to the ground?
But it is still more than that.
At five years old I remember my friend and I holding a brush and comb respectively, singing in the wooden vanity mirror of the playroom that my sister and I shared before my brother was born. We belted out The “Greatest Love of All” backed by the song playing on the record player, competing to see who could hold her notes the longest. My friend, winning the competition, said the trick was to quiver your bottom lip just like Whitney did when she held a long note. I tried doing that while singing for a long time after that. It didn’t work.
Two years later I danced in the same mirror, now in my baby brother’s room in the apartment we moved into after my parents separated. With my double-tiered skirt over top of leggings and my pre-relaxed, hot-combed hair looking afro-curly-straight I just knew I was Ms. Houston, and someday, I would Wanna Dance with Somebody.
I was ten years old as troops dispatched to Iraq and I first learned about the possibility and reality of war. Whitney’s Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl that year became the first time I remember a song giving me chills. I didn’t know the meaning of patriotism that day, but I felt it.
Her I’m Every Woman remake came out when I was in middle school. At 12, I was not any woman, let alone every woman, but I sang it, and believed that I could do it all.
By the time she was ready to Exhale in 1995, I thought I was too. In true, 10th-grade dramatic fashion, first loves and life in general just made me think I had a lot to breathe deeply about.
And then the music changed. The beats got complex. The music became as fast paced and erratic as Whitney’s behavior.
Gone were sweet love lyrics over simple melodies. The new songs told me I needed to be able to twerk it, to drop it low, to watch him while he checked up on it, and make it clap.
Sometimes I just wanted to dance with somebody, somebody who loved me.
I now realize that my sadness is rooted in more than being a fan, or even celebrity worship. The truth is that for me, and many of us, if childhood had a soundtrack, Whitney was the lead vocalist. Our hope in her false starts, our optimism in her turn-arounds, our motivation for wanting to see her come back, and our disappointment when she could do none of the above was born in part from the fact that those moments were immortalized and cemented in our minds by the songs that accompanied them and that if she could get it right and last forever, so could our own stories. For me, her voice helped tell the story of a little girl holding a hairbrush, singing The Greatest Love of All, trying to make her bottom lip quiver. And if she could keep singing, I could keep rewinding my soundtrack and have that moment back again.
But nothing lasts forever. That moment is gone. And so is Whitney Houston. And neither one of them are ever coming back.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
This post was originally published on the blog Making Love in the Microwave.
TheImageCoach says
I SO agree with you on this…I didn’t realize until now that Whitney and I are right around the same age – I thought of her as my older, wiser sister. Like you, I grew up with her music and so much of what she sang about…I felt. I shall miss her – as you do – and I co-sign the sentiment…Damn, Damn, Damn!
Nicolegoods says
I whole heartedly agree with this article!
Alright Neil says
“I didnt know her. So why was I a grown woman sobbing on the beltway over the death of a woman I had never met?”
It’s part of being HUMAN, that’s why….Whitney contributed so much LOVE, to the world. She was one of us…….African-American….with real ups and downs….just like the REST OF US……I’m a REAL MAN; but I consider her a REAL WOMAN…..that’s partly why, “Saving All My Love” is my favorite song by her, followed by “Do You Hear What I Hear”. Now you’re probably wondering why is “Saving” my favorite, and not “You Give Good Love”. IMO, “Saving all my love”, isn”t about her being the other woman, in that song. It’s how she SANG her heart out in THAT song……when she says, “No other woman, is gonna’ love you more”…I believed it!………..
Great Post!
Neil
The Travelin Diva says
I too had a Florida Evans breakdown last night on MD’s 495. I cried for Bobbi Kristina, as someone who has lost both parents I feel her pain. Thank you for writing this article. It is a Fabulous Article! Perfectly sums up our feelings. You don’t have to know someone to respect and love their work or contributions.
Briana Myricks says
I cried too, sobbed really, and I’m 21! I grew up on Whitney’s music, period. I sang it just as my mother sang it. I cheered for her triumphantly. I thought I knew all about saving all my love, why it hurt so bad, and checking into the heartbreak hotel lol. Whitney’s voice was and will be unmatched. She gives me chills, and hearing about her passing was just too surreal for me. Whitney was part of our family, regardless of if she never met us. I felt for Cissy, for Bobbi Kristina, and for Bobby Brown. This is a tough loss for all of us.
For those people who say “why do we care”, they just don’t understand how even someone we never met can have a huge impact on our life. Music brings us together. RIP Whitney.
Iamtoned says
My sympathy comes in the fact that so many in the world are lost. Stuggling with demons that seem to take us way farther left than we had planned. It’s a picture played out in reality in EVERY family on earth. Death is inevitable for us all. It saddens me that so many people think, “It won’t happen to me. Not yet. I’ve got plenty of time.” NO you don’t!. Death is certain. Be ready. Choose life and life after death.
Anonymous says
VERY well said!!!!!!
a.eye says
For me it is all the memories of her songs and where I was at the time of them. The messages in the songs that I sang in my head during times of trouble that were reassurances. I posted about this on my blog today and about whether we should feel sorry for “these people” yesterday.
https://1219sibmtt.blogspot.com/2012/02/friendship-that-will-never-end.html
Theresa71turner says
I was at the New Edition concert in Memphis sitting there waiting when the girl next to me said Whitney Houston just died! I thought at first that it was another Twitter joke since Bobby Brown was performing,. Then everyone got their phones out and search, then I realized that it was no hoax, that indeed she was dead. All my excitement about the concert had disappeared. I was sick. I cried for 40mins. My nose was red and I was sobbing. The concert had not started and the lights were still on. people were looking at me, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to leave at that point.
I have never cried that way for any entertainer, Whitney was special to me. I thought the same thing, well I didn’t really know her, but felt saddened. She was my absolute favorite of all time.
I eventually pulled myself together and was able to enjoy the show, but on the way home we listened to cnn and my crying started all over again and throughout the night. Thank you for this article for putting some perspective to why we care.
Jai says
AMEN!
Amber says
Yes, Aja! Yes. You said it perfectly. I’ve read so many posts today, echoing the same sentiments I expressed on my blog after hearing the news. She meant something to many of us, even if we didn’t realize it and appreciate her enough for it while she was here. We’ll be feeling this loss for a long time.
Tomorrow says
I could not agree with you more ( its like we are the same age) ! My heart hurts to think about her death ! It’s almost like you realize all those times we remember singing to all of her songs are being erased from our passed ! Its a very harsh reality ! I can remember exactly what was going on in my life to ever song/movie can she has done ! Hers songs also has a place in molding who I am today ! And for everything she has done I am so thankful for ! Whitney truly has a piece of my heart whether I have ever meant her or not ! I love her !
Tiki mangum- Sayles says
how about I remember some of those same feeling and definitely thought I had the words of her songs down pat dancing around feeling love flowing thru me and yet I never met her so why do I care if her songs could hold and TRUTH ,I wanted it ssoooooooooooo bad ,any who, I will miss the warmth thru her singing. PRAYERS go up for her baby who will have to lean on GOD”S GRACE N MERCY
PinkLady says
Thank you so much for writing what I could not.
Foxiemillero says
What a beautifully written and spot on article. Thank you.
Justreal221 says
Wonderfully written. Very heartfelt. Thank you!
Leena59 says
Wow! this was beautifully written. I readily visualized and connected with each milestone you described and how Whitney Houston’s music was there for every defining moment of your early life during the 80’s and 90’s as with mine. Nostalgia is something…..but thank God for memories.
Beautifulone14 says
You have truly expressed my feelings about Whitney. Thank you, thank you!
Latonya says
What a great article that articulated exactly how i feel. When I was 12, I sang The Greatest Love of All in my Jr. High School talent show and won first place. That is a memory I will never forget. She was more than just a singer, she was the person who made me put all of my fears aside and sing one of the greatest songs ever made!!! R.I.L. Whitney.
Teecy1 says
This article nailed it for me. I couldn’t verbally express how I felt watching funeral today and why I audibly boo-hooed as they carried her casket out of the church. You summed it up perfectly. Thank you.
Gina says
Thank you, thank you!!!!!! This rings true for me also!!!! Initially I was shocked & as her funeral drew near I cried when I heard her songs, but today I balled like a baby but although it was truly sad, it was also a wonderful “Home Going Service”
Thomas Jackson 8704 says
I am a man not known for be emotional at all. I don’t jump for joy from any type of excitement. I have never cried at funerals, truthfully I never go. But being a black man, I am a realist. I understand that there are certain that I just won’t be able to do. But until today there was one thing that I would give anything to do. Today, I realized another. The first was to get a chance for my children to take a picture with our first Black President, the second would be to get a chance to thank the Houston family for such a wonderful gift. We don’t have to know someone for them to give us hope or direction. Whitney rose to heights that many thought were unobtainable. Even with all the tragedy and strife in her life, she remained true to herself and gave herself to her craft and her fans. I felt saddened to hear of her death as well and today I watched the funeral as many others did. What I hadn’t realized was that while watching that funeral, I was crying too. Why we care? I can’t answer that question to be truthful, but we do and that is all that matters. May God bless Cissy, Bobbi Kristina and the rest of the Houston family. May He hold your heart in his hands during your saddened times.
Princess P. says
Superb article because it nails how we feel about Whitney Houston..someone we have never met but whose influence on our lives is apparent.
Lindatucker07 says
Whitney Was Helped Groom Me Into The Classy Chic I Am Today..Thanks Queen For All You’ve Done & For The Inspirational Music You Left Us..May God Rest Your Soul…
Princess P. says
Whitney Houston’s music was love. And that is all she ever wanted to convey through her music is love. Its hurtful that so many felt it necessary to try and tear her down. She had feelings. Many of the lies and salacious stories really hurt her. Her death is painful because we know she tried so hard to resume her career after going through so much personal turmoil. We hurt because we do not know how she died. Could she have been saved? It hurts because she is gone…my ultimate favorite singer of all time is gone forever. That beautiful woman with the massive voice is now silent. I tear up all the time when I think about Whitney Houston. It also hurts because we know we will never hear a voice like that ever again…EVER! You were loved Ms. Whitney.
Sheila Luecht says
This was a really good piece about the impact of Whitney. I am glad you put these memories to paper and let us see her influence on your life. Her voice was without match. She made an emotional statement with each of her notes. Well done.