by Angela Fitzgerald,

Any single person will eventually be asked the question “Why are you single?”  In my almost 31 years (the majority spent as a party of one), I’ve been asked that question so many times that I’ve lost track.  And I get it – from an outsider’s perspective if you are at least moderately attractive and carry yourself somewhat decently, then you should be attached.

Not fitting into this social norm raises questions, though for some it’s clear that they’re simply trying to determine what’s wrong with you.  For that audience, I have developed quite the arsenal of snarky comebacks that I keep on hand for when the spirit moves me.  But snark aside, I wanted to write this article to the former group of curious onlookers, as well as those singletons who themselves have a hard time coming to terms with their single status.  I convened a team of my single compadres to get their reasons for why they are single, as well as what it would take for that status to change.  Here is what they had to say:

Why are you single?

• I haven’t met the right person – One of my gal pals admitted that past dating experiences have shown her what works and what doesn’t when it comes to the opposite sex.  She is single and willing to wait for that person who is the right fit, as opposed to trying to stick a square peg into a round hole.

• Having things in order – This was the primary reason offered by my guy friend, as he desires to have his career and finances in order before pursuing a serious relationship.

• Life is already amazing – I’m a pretty bubbly and upbeat person who genuinely enjoys life.  Consequently, I’m fiercely protective of maintaining this positivity, and anyone who doesn’t share my outlook just wouldn’t work for me.

Why would you turn in your single card?

• Companionship – It is so refreshing to be around someone that just “gets” you and with whom you can spend endless amounts of time without feeling tired.  My friends and I agreed that companionship would be a key feature to giving up the single life.

• Completion of goals – My friends and I are pretty ambitious but we also acknowledge that there are some areas where we could use help.  For example, I have recently undertaken a home renovation project that has been difficult to complete on my own.  Having an SO with handyman skills would be very appreciated. 

• Societal pressures – I can admit that I have considered manufacturing a relationship simply to prevent the onslaught of questions at family gatherings about who I’m dating.  Or, to deflect speculation that I might be a lesbian because I don’t have a man.  Yeah, all of the above can be nerve wracking and I completely understand wanting to fit in or make sense to others.  Thankfully, I haven’t reached my breaking point yet, and I’m willing to wait for the one that is right for me.  

Bottom line, being single is amazing, as is being in relationship with someone you genuinely love.   Whatever your reasons for choosing the path of singleness or coupledom, I hope that your path leads you to happiness and contentment.  And to those of you who are single and not quite sure how to explain to others when they ask “Why?”, do this: Say nothing, hold your head high, and put every ounce of your time and energy into pursuing your purpose.  The resulting joy and fulfillment that you reflect will speak for itself….and who knows, it may just attract that special someone 😉

BMWK – how would you answer the question: “Why are you single?”

Angela Fitzgerald is a blogging enthusiast who covers as a social science and policy researcher by day.  She is passionate about encouraging others to pursue their passions, and you can catch her writing about things that motivate and humor her, as well as random occurrences in her life, at differentnorm.com.