It’s been eight months since I became a wife and changed my last name from Ford to Myricks. Initially, I was pretty hesitant. I had grown fond of my name. It was my identity, it was part of me, it was who I was. I wasn’t sure how I could remain the same person with a new last name. I had discussed with my now-husband how he would feel if I hyphenated my last name. He was completely okay with it. I tried it out, saying it out loud, writing it on papers, and I had decided it was the right decision. When it was time to fill out our paperwork on our marriage license, the clerk didn’t include my maiden name. I hesitated, but I signed anyways. I had dropped my maiden name and took on my husband’s last name.
It took a few months to change my name on things, and admittedly, I haven’t changed it on everything. I did change it on my driver’s license and social security card though, so legally, I am Mrs. Myricks. It feels great to me! It feels right, it sounds right (when people pronounce it correctly), and it makes me smile. I’m sure the giddiness will wear off eventually, but eight months into it, I still get butterflies. I’m happy with my decision.
Changing my last name represents so many things. My husband and I are now a family. Not only did I choose him, but he chose me. He felt that I was worthy enough to carry his last name and be his wife. That’s a feeling good enough to warm anyone’s heart. I’ll have his last name longer than I had my maiden name. It makes me that much more unique (I’m the only Briana Myricks I know of, but certainly wasn’t the only Briana Ford). It represents our union, our love, our covenant, our blessing. We’re not just a couple; we are one!
I understand women who are hesitant or even reluctant to change their last names. Some do it in honor of their father. Some do it because they have established their brand under their maiden name. Some people just don’t like how it sounds. I think I’ll be even more excited with my decision once we have children. We have the chance to start a legacy together.
Ladies, did you hesitate to change your name? Men, have you ever thought about taking on your wife’s last name?
I love this Briana! This article warmed my heart on this rainy day here 🙂 I can definitely relate to your hesitation. I described it to my friends as a “mini identity crisis”. Which in fact is quite true…at least for me(i’m a bit of a drama queen when it comes to change) 🙂 A year and a month in and I still get butterflies when referred to as Mrs. Toliver. Take care
I was hesitant becuase of professional reasons, I work in an industry where experience and who you know are important. I also own a small business, so I use my maiden name professionally and our name socially. It was important to him that we have the same name and it was something I could do to make him happy. Had it not been a big deal to him I probably wouldn’t have changed it
Great read. I recently got married and found it very difficult to change my name. I have a lot of pride in my maiden name from my individual accomplishments and those of my family members. However, it was very important to both me and my husband to share a name. My initial thought was to drop my last name and embrace the new name. For some reason, on the way to the license bureau I changed my mind and dropped my middle name and shifted my maiden name to my middle name. I am so glad that I did. I unexpectedly lost my father after the wedding and it just means so much to me to still carry his name.
That’s a great idea Robin. I didn’t even think of using my maiden name as my middle name. I’m so sorry about your father. I’m sure carrying his name makes him smile even though he’s gone.
sure did! 10 years in and I’m still glad about it. I married at a young age as well (20), and now I’m getting excited about the prospect of approaching the time where I’ll have spent more time as his wife than not. 😉
btw, for those ultra-pro-maiden-name folks, I found a solution in honoring my dad’s family & embracing my husband: I now have two middle names, my maiden name being my new second middle name on all my professional documents, including my diploma & professional license, etc.
I have been married this year for eleven years. I have not taken my husbands last name because his first wife and I have the same first name. I did not want our. Refit history and legal documents to get mixed up. My husband has been very understanding about the matter, until someone addresses him by my last name. My husbands first wife is now deceased, so I am considering a ceremony to officially take his last name. I to have gotten comfortable with my name, but I want to honor my spouse and be spiritually correct.
Wow. Now THAT’S a story. Interesting. I appreciate the heart behind your actions. I hear the last phrase loud and clear. Bless you.
My husband and I have the same last name (no relation, we checked!) But I find I get those same butterflies and the same feeling of oneness simply when someone says “Mrs.” Technically its the same word (name) but truly it has doubled in my heart.
Briana, congrats on your marriage.
Great post. I got married in 2009. I was so excited to change my last name. I did think about hyphenating- only because in the entertainment industry I am known by my maiden name. But I decided not to because I can easily let people know my former maiden name. It meant more to me to honor my husband by taking on his last name. I am still getting used to it, but I love it. I think it will take my mom more time……..
Briana you have children, you will be so happy with your decision.
I didn’t hesitate when deciding to change my name when I got married. I remember having a discussion with fellow black and hispanic engaged/married ladies about it and one said how she didn’t want to lose her last name and take on a man’s name. I explained to her that her last name IS a man’s last name (her father’s) and for me now having my husband’s African surname (he’s Nigerian) felt more of a cultural connection for me than having a slave master’s last name. I just think it makes sense to understand and know why you’re changing your last name regardless!
You make an excellent point. It’s so much more than a name; there’s a meaning behind it. That’s something I learned from Malcolm X and Muhammed Ali funny enough.
Thanks for sharing. This was something that I had to think about for a while. It seems easy that if you want to keep your maiden name you would drop your middle name bug for me it wasn’t that easy. My middle name was passed down from my cousin and then past down to my niece so it wasn’t something I just wanted to drop. Also I’m in school to be a Dr. And I felt it was important to give my Dad credit by having my last name on my diploma and he has no boys. So there was a lot that went into it. My now husband 7 months in was opposed to me keeping my maiden name as he felt that’s a big part of being married is becoming a family. So in the end I decided to fully committ and dropped my maiden name. I like others have said am so happy with my decision. I will always be my Carroll but as I grow into my future as a Johnson I’m excited about the things I will do and the family I will make with my husband as a Johnson.
I went through the same exact reluctance. It took a year for me to change my last name. I still don’t like the last name Jones, but I love my husband enough to take his name.
I married at 21 and had no hesitation about dropping my last name. I actually told my co-workers at the time that I wouldn’t answer if they called me by my maiden name after I came back from the honeymoon! My hubby didn’t mind if I hyphenated my last name. It represented being one to me and I was excited to build our legacy as a new family unit. 11 years later I’m still giddy about it.
Im glad i changed mines becuz my Maiden name had a bad rep *smh* it was so bad i couldnt cash checks in Walmart, lol such a shame. I wear my married name with PRIDE, its so strong to me!!! Love it!!
Great article. I loved my maiden name but didn’t hesitate to take my husband’s last name once married. As one of two daughters, I honored my father by giving my son my maiden name as his middle name.
Great Post! I have such an uncommon First and Last name that I am thinking of whethere I want to hyphenate or not. My name is Eternanda Fudge…wich is quite rare and perfect for the stage..(I am an actor and writeras well) . I am not married but am preparing myself for the opportunity God may set before me really soon….any suggestions would help
I was hesitant about changing my last name because I had it 40plus years of my life. I just could not bear letting it go, it was a reminder of who I was along with my father and mother. Taking my husbands last name I kept the same initials and I love that part!!!!!.
I love ur article but I wonder, since he chose u n u chose him, why didn’t he change his to urs or u both come up with a brand new “marriage” name?
I agree with you on that point. When my husband and I got married, we decided we wanted to make our own traditions and march to the beat of our own drum. Since we were both over 30, we decided to combine our last names, so from that point on we were establishing a whole new history that would be all our own.
My husband and I both combined our last names! Sixteen letters of a last name is pretty fun.
It has been 3 months since I married and at this point I have no plans on changing my name my husband is not exactly on board but he has accepted it. This was an item we discussed once we decided to get married. Although I think he agreed because he thought after we married I would feel diffrent I don’t . I love him and I love my last name.
This was hard for me as well – because I got married later in life…but I am getting used to being Mrs. His Wife. But it was VERY hard to give up my Dad’s name.
Thank you for writing this article because I thought I was the only person who struggled with this. My wedding date is scheduled for this September and I have decided take to take on his name with no hyhenation. Initially, I was very sure that that was the right thing in order to show my full commitment to the marriage; however, as the date gets closer I become unsure. Like many of you have said, I’ve become attached to my last name and my identity is embedded in it. For me though, one other issue was that I never knew my father or his mother’s family with who I share a last name. Only in the last month, (at 32 years of age) have I had the opportunity to meet the Davises. To lose that connection that I’ve just made is a bit emotional for me. It means a lot to my fiancé that I change my name so in the end I’m sure that I will because I want to honor him and I want for us to have that familial connection when we have children.
My husband and I both changed our last names. We combined our last names and both hyphenated and we have a 16-letter last name.
It was refreshing to know that my husband never thought or assumed I would even change my last name when we got married. That’s when the questions started in my head- because you are the woman, you have to change your last name? wheres the equality/partnership in that? and since when am I my husbands possession? All of a sudden I lose my last name because im getting married? Why cant he change his last name?
So all of those questions were in my head and I knew that I wanted to honor my family and where i was raised = my last name. and then i wanted to signify our new family = my husband’s last name.
I think the other part about name changing is that I had to remember that again, it is about us – me and my husband. It isnt about what other people think we should do, its about what we know we should do. And we were both excited about doing this name change together – licenses, passports, social security, everything! And that goes for those who do change their last names.
Keeping the last name, changing the last name, hyphenating the last name, making up a new last name…it’s about the couple, it isn’t about what everyone else thinks!
I’m not going to forsake my father and mother for just any-old-body. If the brother is serious enough to get my hand in marriage, he’s serious enough for me to take his name. I think that it is a part of honoring and submitting to my husband– which is something I joyfully anticipate instead of viewing as a curse.
I was so excited to get married that changing my last name was the last thing I thought about,LOL. I didn’t even consider what I was going to do because three years before, I learned my mother gave me this mans last name to spite my biological father. As a matter of fact the way she told me the man I thought was my father all these years, she took me to my biological fathers funeral. The man I called father then outright denied me, so changing my last name was a no brainer for me and a very welcomed change. Plus my husband wouldn’t have it any other way. That is the only demand he has ever made of me but from the moment he put the ring on my finger, in my mind I had already changed it. Sixteen years later and I still get giddy when someone say Aliya Pinkney….
I’m so happy that I did NOT completely change my last name, but instead hyphenated it. Having 3 sisters and no brother to carry on my father’s name, I am happy that my then husband understood the importance of carrying along my father’s last name. As long as his name was last, he was fine with it. My father passed at the young age of 59 on 1/6/09, and it made me feel even better about hyphenating. Even though I am not longer married, my ex and I maintain an amazing co-parenting relationship and I haven’t changed my name from the hypenated version, so I share my last name w/ my kids and still carry my father’s last name. Professionally , I simply go by my exes’/my kids, but business/legal documents I use the legal /full version. ANY man that I may remarry one day will have to understand that, especially now that my father has passed, my maiden name will be legally included with his, even though I will go by his last name professionally. I’m sure if I had brothers, I would feel differently.
Ok. I waited for 13 years to change my name. It was mixture of “if it’s not broke…” and “well it’s not high on the priority”. I finally changed it because I got tired of hubby complaining and the looks from the school registrar at my children’s schools. The look of “she’s lying” and “you’re black…so you must be trying to cover your co-habitation”. I’m glad I did. It’s crazy I waited so long. And, lastly, I was scared…As product of divorce, I just wasn’t sure it was gonna last. I work on the marriage daily/ hourly/ even over the minutes/seconds but it’s 14 years later and I’m good.
I made the choice to hypenate my name because I lost my father and one of his hopes for me was that I would go to college. I always knew that I wanted his name to appear on each of my degrees because it was his love & influence that guided me toward education. I’m not sure how my husband feels about it (i know that sounds bad lol) but it was never really a topic up for compromise. I feel my name fits & defines me. When you say my entire name it is my way of paying respect to the two most important and influential men in my life. My father who gave me life (and named me) and my husband who I share a life with. I like many of you and satisfied with my decision.