It can really be puzzling to think that the divorce rate among church goers and non-church goers is relatively the same. When looking at the research that has been collected the divorce rate among Americans is between 40 and 50%. While among American church goers the rate is 42%.
Question – Why is this rate so close in both groups if one is serving God, the ultimate higher power- where is the common misfortune?
Even though one group goes to church, both are missing the same thing. The skill set needed for strong healthy happy marriages.
I looked at the studies, but I also asked those around me to answer this question. The standard response was that at church they teach you about the Bible but not how to apply it to everyday married life. If they teach on marriage it isn’t often. So the skill set is still missing.
Sadly the top reasons noted for divorce (in no specific order) are:
- Ineffective communication (arguing too much)
- Spouses placing varying significance on things within the relationship
- Finances
- Infidelity/Abuse
- An unresolved past
If these things are at the top of the list, this is where you need instruction BEFORE entering marriage. Not to worry, there is still great hope if you got married before gaining this information (which many of us do, to include me). Go back and gain the tools necessary for success. If you are single be sure to get some tools in your toolbox before accepting the position of husband or wife. You cannot expect to be a master carpenter and build a fabulous marriage without the proper tools. Yet, with the proper tools your can build a mansion.
Since you know some of the leading causes for divorce, make it a point to educate yourself in these areas. Healthy relationships are your birthright. Find a local church, support group, use this site or take a class to help you experience the fullness and beauty of your marriage.
BMWK – Are you willing to gain skill and put it into action to strengthen your marriage so that divorce is not an option? Share this on Facebook if you are willing to take a bold stand for marriage. Retweet and comment, Let’s declare war on divorce!
Lolo says
I think the article hit the nail on the head when it says “CHURCH GOERS”. Not everyone who goes to church is choosing to live a life that glorifies God. At the BET awards when Meagan Goode wore that blue dress, comments on many websites went something like, “leave Meagan alone, its not like she’s in church right now”. This is not meant as a slight on MG but merely and example: That dress incident was such a revelation of how society now puts God in a box and opens it only on Sunday. When you call yourself a Christian, your lifestyle should glorify God ALWAYS, in other words if the Holy Spirit tells you this dress is not suitable for a place of worship then the dress is not suitable period since we should worship God at all times – without ceasing. I’m not saying divorce will never happen in the church, I’m just saying more people are deciding to separate the church (the body of Christ) from their everyday life and that is a contributing factor (not the the sole reason)in divorce.
Anonymous says
Nothing else left to say after that…great example.
Anonymous says
Now you’re doing what worldly people do. You’re placing unfair scrutiny on her because of who she married. She’s worn dresses that were revealing. Now its an issue? Why? That’s her body, her marriage and her walk with God.
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing. ..would God 1st I don’t believe you can have a happy satisfied marriage you have to comprise and be unselfish and look out for your partners well being…and forgive quickly..
Stephanie says
Lolo said it all!!
Chaplain says
A few additional facts/factors may help us to understand what is really going on in our churches and to frame a response.
Two obvious and uncomfortable facts must be recognized and emphasized ad nauseam, especially in our churches, concerning the current trends in divorce.
1.Women file divorce at a rate nearly twice that of men.
2.Our churches are attended by women at a rate nearly twice that of men
The average congregation
The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.
•On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
•This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.
•Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.
•The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male).
•Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return.
•Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry.
•Churchgoers are more likely to be married and express a higher level of satisfaction with life. Church involvement is the most important predictor of marital stability and happiness. (–David Murrows work)
Anonymous says
Great response…
Mami says
Dr Myles Munroe gave a very insightful analogy about this: he said that with certain people, they may be in church but church is not in them. Like Lolo said, church is not a building, hence ‘your body is your temple’.
Debbie says
These are all really good comments. Chaplain, thanks for the statistics. This starts really good conversation around what is already known to be a challenge and can hopefully offer some solutions. Thanks for posting.
Gerald says
Wow, great topic and posts! Chaplin really provides a great point that is so sad but true. If a man and a woman aren’t in church together then they are operating in a principle the bible warns against,”being unequally yoked.”
Another piece of the spectrum that comes from this is that eventually women are trying to marry their pastor. If she is not praying for the first lady to be taken away so she’ll get her chance, lol (but serious @ the same time). She is comparing the man she has at home against her pastor. The husband at home can’t do it like pastor so now he ain’t the one and as long as that competition exists divorce papers are sure to follow.
Woe to any woman out there making this mistake thinking your man should be like your pastor. Don’t open that door, and if you have…exit quickly. You don’t get to see what happens behind closed doors of his house. You might not be able to handle it…
Aminata says
Communication, finance, intimacy, past hurt and above all “lack of love” most people are getting married for wrong reasons. Either for status or pressure from family and friends.
Anonymous says
Christian women are more independent as far as their finances, home ownership, education today than their mother’s and grandmother’s. Many Christian women are also the victims of continuous physical abuse, infidelity, and a inattentive husband who’s not pulling his weight around the house concerning housework or helping out with the children. Since Christian women today are able to take care of themselves and their children they’re not incline to stay in situations where their unhappy like their mother’s and grandmother’s did. So in my opinion, that’s why you have such a high divorce rate in the church today, especially with women initiating the divorces.
Superwife says
The number 1 cause of divorce in the church (and the world) is SELFISHNESS! It is the root of every discord in every relationship. It’s true name is PRIDE. “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
HONEST MEL says
Just like what was mentioned in the article about the church not teaching how to apply the bible to marriage life, most churches don’t teach anything about everyday life (Mental, Physical, Nutritional, Sex, Money, Structure, Organization, Discipline etc) which is why most young men leave and never come back. Would you re-visit a restaurant that didn’t serve you any food, but still wanted you to pay and tip?
That lack of teaching also spreads into the home life which is why some of the “holiest” people can’t communicate with their teenage children. There ate plenty of well educated people inside the church who can help fix these problems and many more. However,they need to STOP telling people to just pray for answers and quoting scriptures and starting teaching people how to resolve issues with their God given COMMON SENSE.