Men have been chanting this mantra to each other for years – usually while downing a few cold ones at the local happy hour before heading back to the very wife he’s trying to make happy.
And therein lies the rub.
Husbands cannot make their wives happy.
Husbands are not an assembly line of factory happiness ready to restock her aisles once she becomes low in supply of today’s happy inventory.
Yet, this is what many husbands strive for, and what many wives expect. A husband is not a miracle cure for all the hardships a wife is to face in her life, yet so many women end up walking around aimlessly after their vows have come and gone only to be in the same or worse emotional state than before their wedding day. How does this happen?
Because a husband cannot make a woman happy. No outside force for that matter can make anyone truly happy on the inside. Only perspective and self-esteem can do that.
Yet we still have an epidemic of men stressing themselves stupid because they live every single day of their lives with a spouse miserable from the time the sun comes up to the time her head hit the pillow every night, thinking if there was simply something they could do differently, then he could bring back his wife’s smile permanently – or at least a few days.
Flowers. Random phone calls. Special text messages. Running bath water. Doing laundry. Doing dishes. Impromptu gifts. Taking the kids away for a weekend. Giving her alone time. Giving her romantic time. Planning multiple date nights. Night out dancing. Massages. Bringing home her favorite dessert. Supporting her goals. Finding a way to pay for her new degree. Finally earning enough so she doesn’t have to work. It just doesn’t matter.
If she’s not already appreciative of the good things she already has in her life, no matter what he brings to the table, it cannot change her disposition.
Husbands – you need to let go of that burden. Keep up everything you’re doing for the woman you love, but do it because you love doing those things for her. Don’t do it because you believe it will change the core of who she is. You’ll only both end up miserable, or worse yet, resentful.
Wives – it’s been told to you time and time again that you’re a princess, worthy of being catered to by the one who truly loves you, and this isn’t necessarily untrue. Just remember that it is unreasonable to expect one human being to be the supplier of all your earthly needs. And if your husband is providing all of your needs as a good husband, don’t lay all your other unmet needs (internally and externally) at his feet. Always communicate them, but be careful where you point blame for the things you are unsatisfied with in your own life.
By no means do I think this is solely an issue for the wives, but I’ve never heard a group of women try to solve each other’s marital woes after a night of apple martini’s with, “Girl, you know how the saying goes…happy husband, happy life.” Yeah, you neither.
Hopefully, through open and honest communication, all issues between both spouses are being hashed out with their partner in life. That’s the beginnings of a true happy life.
Great article. I have never believed that a happy wife happy life. In reality, it is a happy man and wife is a happy life. The husband’s happiness is just as important as the wife’s happiness in a marriage or life in general. The wife have to take responsibility for her not being happy and find out why she is unhappy but make the changes to regain her own happiness. The men who believe stuff like this should stop believing these crazy sayings and find a man that will give them the reality of life and stop listening to women who believe stuff like this is true.
Thx for the comment. I totally agree. We are all responsible for our own happiness and joy.
The phrase happy wife happy life was invented because it was only natural for the newly wedded god fearing wife to do her role as described in the bible. Serve and cater to her husband’s needs. Be his helper. Men needed to be reminded to love their wives in return because all of that love and devotion going in one direct would drain a woman and make her wonder why she’s doing all of this and getting nothing in return.
Happy wife happy life needs to keep being said, or women will go back to ungrateful husbands.
We should also get rid of the dumb phrase “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!”
The phrase really touches on men continuing after marriage, what he did before marriage. Unhappy and miserable women do not marry guys who do not make them happy. Soooooo, the phrase simply means, do what you did to get her, to keep her…..HAPPY!
When I think of the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” As a wife I never thought about this as a verb. I never think about any actions he could do to bring about my happiness. Saying I love you, little gifts, helping around the house. Taking the kids for a while are all part of his job as husband and those things are expected because I do those things for him as well in this partnership.
However I have always thought about the saying as a truth. However I think that it means if a man does things like come home on time, be where he is suppose to,not doing the little things that so many have done that causes insecurities, like cheating then she will be happy! Not checking your phone, or questioning your every move thus you have a happy life!
My view of this saying is that a man should not expect things to be well with his wife if/when he’s doing things that DON’T make her happy, not that her happiness should be solely dependent upon him
If all the ladies knew ths i believe it wuld be a betta world and mek it much easier for us guys to love them coz its so disappointing whn a person is less appreciative for all the efforts u do to put a smile on their faces
I agree one hundred percent. While there is some degree of truth,and it is accurate if taken at face value, this phrase should not be taken so literally!
Thank you for this post…it was an interesting perspective, though I am not sure that I agree. There are many things that a husband can do for a wife that will keep her happy—and in fact, a woman’s happiness is essential to a healthy home. You actually listed several wonderful ways in which a man can keep his wife happy, and I think that is excellent. I do, however, agree with your point that perspective and esteem play a huge role in a woman’s receptiveness of these gifts. Which brings me to my point, I interpreted this article to be a discussion about women and our ability to receive the gifts that our men are offering on a daily basis. It is in that process of giving and receiving that we can achieve a healthy home and an upward spiral of love, adoration, and respect for one another. A happy wife does equal a happy life. But, the woman must be committed to being happy. Otherwise a man’s work goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Thank you again for an insightful article!
If the concept is to keep your wife happy,and you live up to that for her while in the process making yourself miserable, then who’s responsibility is it to keep the husband happy? If the focus is on her happiness, and her focus is on that as well on children if there are any, is the husband’s happiness supposed to be justified by making her happy? Where does the balance lie that a marriage is supposed to have? What happened to 50/50? We live in a jaded and cynical world where because of what we see on television,the Internet or even sometimes in real life has made it acceptable to play with love and marriage. We are told it’s ok to cheat and not worry about the emotional repurcussions. We are told to leave our husbands and wives in order to search for a happiness we more than likely will never find. All in all, being happy in any relationship takes work from both parties. My grandparents were together for over 40 years till my grandmother passed. And they weren’t happy with each other all the time. But they had a true love they nurtured that kept them happy. Happiness is the paycheck from working hard in a relationship. Not just something to be expected.
i have mixed feelings about your article each person is responsible for their internal happiness a real man and not a boyish man will not mind making his wife happy if it is truly in his heart. Statistics show women are the ones who initiates filing for divorce first in a relationship . Your article has some great points but I siince a feel of hurt feelings from maybe past experience not all women look at happy wife happy life as the husband is suppose to be a emotional roller coaster healer at all times . Peace
I’ve heard both men and women use that phrase. Always said in fun as a joke. Along the same lines as a “shotgun wedding” or “never mind the dog, beware of owner”, or any of the other dozens of phrases out there. Even where I’ve heard it in shows or other media, always lightheartedly. Weird, that some folks take it seriously.
If we are all responsible for our own happiness then why get married? It’s funny how men don’t have a problem with phrases that benefit them. Besides all the things that you mentioned that men do for their wives are the very things they are SUPPOSED to do – they are not doing their wives a favor. Those things that they should do routinely and not occasionally!
That’s the truth, Tracy!
I’m new to this site, but this article alone has me hooked, 21 years of marriage and this article has set me mentally free
This is NOT what I get whenever I hear this phrase. It never conjured up a picture for me of low-self-esteem-wife-at-home that is miserable from sunrise to sunset. I’ve only seen it/heard it used in the context of being the husband’s deterrent from bad behavior and/or decisions or his timer-alarm-stopwatch-reminder to keep a decent schedule conducive to not PROVOKING a wife to be an unhappy wife.
..and if you married this type of woman you SURELY knew it before the wedding day and had been choosing to accept it and cater to it. That’s just WAY too much to go unnoticed or for her to keep hidden about herself.
The phrase simply states the OBVIOUS and “goes without saying”, and happens to rhyme. The statement in reverse or applied to the other half of your union is JUST as obvious.
Because you don’t married to get happy. You get married to make a good life even better. And ask 10 people what their partner is “supposed” to do routinely, and get back 10 different answers. You’re equating very subjective ideas as objective truths, and this concepts starts the breakdown in communication in many marriages.
I think 1 Peter 3:7 says it best. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
If a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, then a wife will respond equally in return. I believe that the husband acts as a thermostat to his marriage and his wife is the thermometer measuring the healthiness of that marriage. If a husband is grounded in the Word and seeking to serve his wife and the wife respecting her husband, that will suffice and the couple, b/c each is doing the will of God in their marriage, will have happy lives.
Very glad you enjoyed the piece, and thrilled you found it useful. Hope you dig into the treasure trove of articles here.
Yes please let that one go
HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY HUSBAND, HAPPY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
We don’t get married to make each happy but to add to a happiness that should already be there. Fellas Steer clear of unhappy people, we as men have the savior complex as if it’s our responsibility to fix women’s problems. It’s not. We can help but we can’t take on the responsibility of solving them.
I think that the values and ideas that once provided more than 33% of black children with two parent homes, ideas centered around reciprocated acts of love, and finally commitment from upstanding men that understood that this small phrase was an Avenue in helping men think of someone other than themselves.
Don’t you know, women do this all the time…
My thoughts exactly.