Men have been chanting this mantra to each other for years – usually while downing a few cold ones at the local happy hour before heading back to the very wife he’s trying to make happy.
And therein lies the rub.
Husbands cannot make their wives happy.
Husbands are not an assembly line of factory happiness ready to restock her aisles once she becomes low in supply of today’s happy inventory.
Yet, this is what many husbands strive for, and what many wives expect. A husband is not a miracle cure for all the hardships a wife is to face in her life, yet so many women end up walking around aimlessly after their vows have come and gone only to be in the same or worse emotional state than before their wedding day. How does this happen?
Because a husband cannot make a woman happy. No outside force for that matter can make anyone truly happy on the inside. Only perspective and self-esteem can do that.
Yet we still have an epidemic of men stressing themselves stupid because they live every single day of their lives with a spouse miserable from the time the sun comes up to the time her head hit the pillow every night, thinking if there was simply something they could do differently, then he could bring back his wife’s smile permanently – or at least a few days.
Flowers. Random phone calls. Special text messages. Running bath water. Doing laundry. Doing dishes. Impromptu gifts. Taking the kids away for a weekend. Giving her alone time. Giving her romantic time. Planning multiple date nights. Night out dancing. Massages. Bringing home her favorite dessert. Supporting her goals. Finding a way to pay for her new degree. Finally earning enough so she doesn’t have to work. It just doesn’t matter.
If she’s not already appreciative of the good things she already has in her life, no matter what he brings to the table, it cannot change her disposition.
Husbands – you need to let go of that burden. Keep up everything you’re doing for the woman you love, but do it because you love doing those things for her. Don’t do it because you believe it will change the core of who she is. You’ll only both end up miserable, or worse yet, resentful.
Wives – it’s been told to you time and time again that you’re a princess, worthy of being catered to by the one who truly loves you, and this isn’t necessarily untrue. Just remember that it is unreasonable to expect one human being to be the supplier of all your earthly needs. And if your husband is providing all of your needs as a good husband, don’t lay all your other unmet needs (internally and externally) at his feet. Always communicate them, but be careful where you point blame for the things you are unsatisfied with in your own life.
By no means do I think this is solely an issue for the wives, but I’ve never heard a group of women try to solve each other’s marital woes after a night of apple martini’s with, “Girl, you know how the saying goes…happy husband, happy life.” Yeah, you neither.
Hopefully, through open and honest communication, all issues between both spouses are being hashed out with their partner in life. That’s the beginnings of a true happy life.