WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE!? I ask this question because I am tired of seeing the facades. I am tired of seeing couples being PUBLIC happy but PRIVATE miserable. Sometimes I think to myself that if we just put as much effort into the perception we try to build about our relationships, as we put into the reality of our relationships then we would be so much happier.
Ok before anyone gets offended, let me first say that I am not judging you. I just want you to understand that having to “Fake Happy” is more draining than actually being it ever will be. The thing is, being happy in life and in love is an ACTIVE process and we actually have to do something in order to achieve it. Here are a few scenarios where “Faking Happy” is a lot harder than actually being happy!
“If we have time to FAKE happy then we have time to BE happy!”
1) At Church
Ok, before y’all get all HOLY on me, the last time I checked, people in church are still people that have real people problems and issues. So many couples go to church every Sunday smiling and praising, just to get back home and be the devil towards each other. They serve on the usher board, in the choir, serve as deacons and heads of ministries, yet they are enemies at home. Every time the pastor says something that applies to the other person, they give them that nudge in the ribs as if to say, “yeah you need to get it together.” What if the smiles you both put on in church were genuine and not forced because you focused more on what you think of each other, than what the congregation thinks of you?
2) At Company Functions
You put on really well for the boss don’t you? You are professional and you hold her hand and arm. You speak highly of her or him all the time, so that they can think highly of your choice in a mate. You laugh and you smile at all the right times and touch her back affectionately, yet you haven’t complimented or treated her this well at home in months. You haven’t held his hand and kissed his cheek in weeks when y’all have been out. Neither of you have expressed pure appreciation for each other in a long time but for some reason, the company Christmas party brings out the best in you. Call me crazy but what if those compliments, that affection, and that appreciation shined through on a daily basis? If you can fake it for your co-workers, couldn’t you do it in real life as well?
3) Children’s Functions and Events
Mannnnn you would think y’all were the Brady Bunch with the way you act at your children’s events! Suddenly you are so engaged and you are such an involved and doting parent. Your spouse is secretly looking at you like “he hasn’t shown interest in those children since they were born, but now all of a sudden he is super dad.” Or maybe he is looking at you saying “she is more concerned with that career than feeding her kids, yet she is feeding these other kids refreshments. She couldn’t turn on a stove if she tried.” Everything looks good for the folks at the school but inside you have more animosity toward each other than love. Oh and the children feel it too, but I’m sure they secretly wish that the loving affection that’s here now for everyone to see and applaud is the same person that was at home with them.
There are many other scenarios I could give, but my point is bigger than the scenarios. My point is that, if we have time to FAKE happy then we have time to BE happy! Don’t let the only time you are happy in your relationship or marriage be for the show of everyone else. Let it be because you’ve put the work into making you and your mate truly happy. If you aren’t happy right now in your marriage, then find out what it’s going to take to be happy then MAKE it so you don’t have to FAKE it.
BMWK, Are you honestly one of these scenarios?
I’ve seen this happen in many cases where couples project themselves as being perfect on social media yet fight and argue behind the scenes ruthlessly.
Its okay to be “fake
happy”. No marriage is perfect and every marriage has its
good/bad. No one needs to know everything & if that means being ” fake happy” occasionally, so be it!!!
I agree with Tanya, there is no need for everyone to know you’re going through something. Why expose everything that goes on in your use to the outside world? All relationships have their ups and downs and the transparency of yours is not for everybody! !!
Tanya hello and thanks for reading! I just want to clarify that this article wasn’t about airing out your dirty laundry to the public but more so about just doing the work it takes to be TRULY happy in your relationship. The only time we should be happy in our marriages isn’t just in front of people. It takes just as much work to e unhappy that it does to be happy, thus my point was to challenge people to put the effort into serving one another so that when they are in public things are authentic. Everything can’t always be perfect but we shouldn’t have to “fake” our way through marriage, as it’s a beautiful thing!Thanks again for reading!
Thanks Erynn for reading and for commenting! I agree that we have to do a better job of not being happy for the masses but of being happy for ourselves and our families!
Got it right – The key to it all is made well throughout and brought home in point 3 – PUT THE WORK INTO IT – so many relationships fail because one or the other or both of the parties in the relationship don’t make the effort to do the work. They think things are supposed to just work themselves out or that the other person needs to change to make things better. BOTH parties have to take an active role in it. Getting married takes love, but staying married takes WORK.
Good post!
Oh I absolutely agree and I completely understood the article. My point being that even though we try, sometimes it doesn’t have that happy ending. Rather than putting your business out for everyone to see and speculate, its okay to be “fake happy”. Because at the end of day, when you allow people into your personal relationship, you & your spouse may have moved on, while outsiders are still sour and negative.
I was thinking the same thing, in public you don’t need to emotionally show whats going on. Its good conduct to me, but what do I know?