Ok, so we’re all a little selfish. Some of us more selfish than others. And, from this narcissistic position, we tend to see the world through our own worldview. We’re all guilty of this. We’re not capable of removing the lenses

Men get married and tend to think that their new wives are their own personal sex kittens; and, by bestowing their last names upon these hopeful brides, it obligates them to tend to their husband’s “goods” like it was a full time job.

Many women, on the other hand, still treat their husbands as the ultimate accessory – a thing to show off to others to validate their own self worth. “Look world, I’ve gotten an acceptable man to legally and publicly place me above all other women and vow to make it his lifelong mission to keep a smile upon my face. Oh, and look! He started with this precious stone he can barely afford because he knows I wouldn’t accept anything less! Doesn’t my new Facebook profile pic prove how happy and worthy I am?”

I’m not saying all men or all women are like this, but I guarantee you know more than your own fair share who fit the bill.

And from there, we start a lifetime of expectations that can never be met. It’s an awful path.

In this world women parade their men in front of their friends like the ultimate luxury bag. Just look at the features and benefits. Look at the craftsmanship of his physique. Admire the security of his earnings. Be jealous of his benefits and 401K matching program.

This woman will generally show off her new fancy catch at any public event she’s able to with other people’s weddings at the top of her coveted in person showroom list. She objectifies him.

As a man, I’m aware of the irony of women objectifying men. It happens both ways, and in today’s still male dominated culture, women still have the short end of the equality stick, but this post isn’t about that.

This post is about the women who are desperately seeking happiness through the attempt of total control of the image they wish to reflect onto the world. It’s not real. It’s not genuine. It’s not sustainable. Neither is any model where people are not treated as a person, but rather as a thing.

And eventually, your men catch on. When a person’s needs are marginalized, belittled, or simply ignored because they don’t fit into your own life plan, they tend to notice. When a person realizes that no matter what he says, does, or changes, his spouse will never prioritize his needs, he will tend to either self-destruct, remove himself physically or emotionally from the situation, or seek needed fulfillment elsewhere.

Right, wrong, or indifferent, it happens because he’s a human being, not a tote bag to be taken off the shelf when his spouse sees fit. And humans have a way of finding a path to their needs.

I’ve just seen it too often. The objectification of our spouses is simply a symptom of the illness of selfishness. Sure, men are easily manipulated by sex, food, and the verbal ego stroking of a woman we admire. But any marriage founded on disingenuous manipulation where someone’s personhood isn’t respected is not a marriage – it’s an egotistical control experiment.

And if deep rooted satisfaction grounded in mutual respect and service to a shared life vision is your goal, then stop treating your man like something to be shown off, shelved, kept on ice, or purchased at the hottest local boutique.

BMWK, are you treating your man like an accessory?