by Aja Dorsey Jackson

As most of us are preparing to have the next day or couple of days off for the Thanksgiving holiday, I’d like to let you in on this frequent workplace fantasy that I have. Sometimes when I’m sitting in my office, and often before I even get to work, I imagine that I hit the lottery and quit my job. On a decent work day, I very nicely let my boss know that I am resigning effective immediately. On a bad work day, I yell “I’m OUT!” and a couple other things, kick my trashcan over, and throw my scarf over my shoulder on the way out the door (I’m always wearing a scarf in this fantasy, even in the summer).

I have never actually done this mainly because I have never hit the lottery but also because quitting my job in a really immature way, as tempting as it is some days, would be really inappropriate.

Taking time to think about this made me wonder, why is it that I am able to remain relatively calm and professional at work even on those days that everything in me makes me feel like throwing a tantrum and storming out the door, when at home the ability to practice the same level of maturity seems to fly out of the window? Most of us are able to act in a respectful manner when it comes to conflicts with our coworkers, but don’t give our spouses that same level of respect. Because of this, I came up with a few work lessons to take home over the holidays.

1. Communicate Effectively: The next time your boss makes you upset I want you to scream at her, call her a name, then walk out and slam the door. Of course most of you wouldn’t do this because you value your job and whether you like it or not, you know that you need it and don’t want to lose it. Knowing that you need your spouse and hopefully care about him a lot more than you do your job, shouldn’t you at least afford him that same courtesy? It doesn’t mean that you should never speak your mind, but that you should figure out ways to express yourself to your partner while being respectful toward him or her.

2. Be willing to learn: If your job is anything like mine, there is always something new to have to figure out. Whether it’s through my own research or through formal training, if there’s something I need to know I have to be willing to learn so that I can do my job effectively. The same rule applies to your marriage. Our spouses will change over time but we have to continue to learn about what makes our partners tick to be able to fulfill their needs effectively.

3. Realize that leaving is not always the answer: I have had a few jobs in my life. The fantasy about quitting has been the same at every last one of them. It’s not that I’ve hated every job that I’ve had, it’s just that at every job there have been times where I’ve felt like running away. The truth is that even people who love their jobs don’t like their jobs every minute of every day.   But just like in a marriage, running away because you are unhappy at the moment isn’t always the solution. The one thing that you can pretty much guarantee about any relationship is that there will be issues. If instead of learning to work through those issues you opt to run to where the grass looks greener, well, I think that we’ve all heard the one about the other side of the fence.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. She is author of the blog www.babybumping.blogspot.com. She can be reached at [email protected].