By Ayanna Black
Jamie Foxx definitely hit the mark with that song! As I look at pictures of myself before the triplets, I remember not having to wear body shapes or thinking if that outfit will flatter my new belly. Lots of people tell me I don’t look like I have triplets. However, as many times as I hear it from other people, it takes on a new meaning when I hear it from my husband. I was getting dressed to go to a movie with a friend and noticed a little belly bulge. All of a sudden I didn’t feel as cute or confident as I did before. My husband walked in the room and saw my reaction. He walked over hugged me, winked his eye and said “You still got it.” My swag instantly kicked back into high gear. All of a sudden, I saw flat abs, beautiful legs and sculpted arms. Just his words gave me that boost. Why, because my boo said it! Guys you’d be surprised at how much your encouragement will build your wife’s confidence. Losing weight after having babies is no easy task, so be patient if she isn’t that size six for a little bit. If you and your mate want that brick house back help each other out. Here are a couple tips:
Do’s
1. Invite your spouse to workout with you
Take her on a romantic stroll or a bike ride on the lake. This way you guys are spending time together and getting that heart rate pumping at the same time.
2. Compliment her
A compliment goes a long way from the one you love. Most women aren’t too excited with how they look after having a baby and would love to see a head turn when she walks by. She’ll find herself doing things like dressing better or maybe even working out so that you will notice.
3. Ladies find a fun way to workout
I know the words “workout” or “exercise” are curse words to us especially after dealing with your kids all day or a long day’s work, but we have to “get it in”. Try dancing with your kids when their favorite song comes on or get some of your cuts from back in the day and hit the floor.
Don’ts
1. Never ever say “You still look pregnant”
That’s a good way to ensure she won’t be again! Choose your words carefully.
2. Do I look fat?
Ladies don’t do that. He has no idea how to counter that. 9 times out of 10 he’s not going to give you a satisfactory answer. So to avoid having to give him a piece of your mind, don’t ask that.
3. You need to lose some weight
Alright now, nobody knows better than your wife that she needs to lose that weight. I know for sure if she could drop all the extra weight along with the baby in the delivery room, it would be a done deal. Even though you may be thinking she doesn’t look the way she used too don’t say it aloud. Pull some of that game you used to get her to encourage a new goal in her life.
So just let your lady know she’s still got it! Even if she doesn’t, at some point if you encourage her the right way she’ll be on her way to go get!
Ayanna is married and the mom of busy triplets. She has a degree in Computer Studies and is the proud owner of ABlackWebDesign.com
Great advice Ayanna and thanks for giving the ladies so help too by telling them not to ask us if they look fat. It's a classic no-win situation LOL
Thanks Lamar! I used to ask my husband that and he would look at me like I had six eyes. I could see his wheels spinning trying to feature out how to approach that one. lol
I wish my husband could read this. My confidence is much better when I am not around him. I gained a lot of weight, in between the three kids and fighting to stay where I am and not gain anymore… everyday he reminds me of how fat I am and how he dont like fat women. I spend a lot of time, trying to build my own confidence up!
Its hard SxeStaroo4 believe me I know. Continue to be your own personal cheerleader and pray. Believe that encouragement will come but in the meantime live, laugh and love girlfriend!
This was a great post and thanks for your comment. It takes 9 months to gain the weight being with child, and doctors will tell you that it should take the same amount (9 months)of time to lose the weight. Not all of us need the whole 9 months, but we also have to remember that we are not “Super Models” and can't be on a Victoria's Runway 6 weeks after having a baby. Great lighting and air brushing makes a body look good. A real man is not shallow after his wife gives birth to his child(ren). You can build up all the confidence you want, at the end of the day, yes you need to build it for you and not him. You already know that. A man will never be a mother and feel the joy and pain, along with child birth as a women does. Yes a man can be a dad and bond with their child, but to me it's not the same experience that a true mother feels. Men get jealous when the first baby arrives, yes some may be happy, but mommy mode takes us to a level we have never felt and the issue really is not ones weight, it's that lack of attention(not our diff body)that makes them seem like they lack attention from us. The more a man helps out with the kids, cooking and chores, the more he can realize that we are not trying to ignore him, nor have him ignore us, but when kids do arrive in a relationship/marriage, things do change. I arrived into a (new) relationship with a “after kids body” My husband tells me and I see this on tv(The Doctors). Men don't care about celliute, or stretch marks on a women. Somethings are just inherited. I use to get mad at Oprah for not having shows on women who could not gain weight. Marriage and being a mom does a body good. Oprah is not a wife nor a mom but with age with some women, kids or no kids some ppl gain weigh.
WOW Anna! That was a mouth full. Things definitely change when you add kids to the mix.
That is some really good advice Ayanna. Some men don't understand how hard it is to get your body back after having kids. I think those tips you gave will help them get a better understanding of how to handle the situation. It always feels good to be complimented by your man!
Thanks Vicki!
This is really great Ayanna! You are absolutely right, you can receive compliments all day long, but hearing it from your husband is like you're hearing it the first time. That is the one that gives you the boost of confidence to do more because you know he's noticing.
Yannie, you hit the nail on the head…. This article every man and woman needs to read after having children. It's O.k to be the way that you are but it''s up to you if you stay that way…
Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!
Cousin Quita
Hey Yanni, I'm printing this out and blowing it up for my husband. My case is a little different from yours since my “baby” is 15 :-), but I still feel you on this one, girl. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks so much (I'm not kidding, I'm really gonna print it and blow it up for him)!
Awesome advice Ayanna!!! Staying physically fit is very important as well eating healthy and getting enough rest. When I read your blog the first thing I thought about was Destinys Child song when Kelly sings – “Remain the same chick, you fell in love with – I keep it tight and I keep my figure right – I keep my hair fixed be rocking the hottest outfitsâ€
In a marriage we must make an effort to keep each other attracted to us.
Love it!!!
@runway2123 I know right, his words make all the difference in the world sometimes.
@Dequita Brown Thanks cousin!
@Dez lol
@ReMkea Right Meka. I think that's the line that stood out most to me in the song too!
This is helpful! you made some valid points when hubby gets home im asking him to read this. keep giving advice ur great at it.
Thank you Brandy!!!!!!!
Outstanding article Ayanna! Can't wait for the next article..
Theresa
Thanks Theresa!!!!
LOL, I love this —“Don'ts: Do I look fat?” You are so right, our guys may sometimes get caught a little off guard when we ask them this one! Even though they are supposed to say NO, you never know when we will catch them at that moment when they say…..”ahhh, well, you know…you still cute” and we don't believe them. This will always set a woman off! LOL!
Exactly Wendy lol I know Jay is too sweet to say something like that!
Oooh, thank you for this one. My husband is really good though about making me feel sexy and good. But I know for myself that I can stand to lose some weight. I love your tips about riding the bikes together, that sounds fun and romantic at the same time! Thanks Ayanna!
Thank you Tiya!!!!!
Very good advice and well stated! Men should realize how important it is to support their spouse after pregnancy and how self-concious women can be (in general) when there are weight and body changes of any kind.
Thanks Tiffani3!
My husband doesn't say it with words but with his eyes often. I am self conscious after having 4 pregnancies with the 2nd(a twin pregnancy) and my 3rd being back to back. The first 3 were in my early 20's and the last was right before the big 3-0, let's just say gravity played a cruel joke on me with the last one….lol. Now I find myself triple checking simple outfits in the mirror while he lays on our bed admiring me(I just made him sound like a complete freak…lol). I too am guilty of asking him the horrible question “Does this make me look fat?” and he comes back well off of it….I guess I'll try to not ask that one again…..
lol TheMrs you have a quick thinking husband like mine…
I love this. I dont have kids so I cant say that I know what its like to have that “after the baby” body. However, I am a woman that has suffered with body image issues (which im sure most women have) and I can say from personal experience that nothing makes u feel better in ur own skin then having your love one admire and compliment you. Great one Ayanna! I look forward to reading more.
Thanks Guest!
What an encouragement especially for new moms! I remember how out of shape it feels when you are adjusting to parenting while married and doing life and all its wonderful ups/downs. Thanks for reminding our hubbies to keep complimenting us. I really appreciated my husband's look of awe whenever he saw me holding either of our sons or nursing them. My advice is to shake it off when folks make rude remarks about the weight or compare you to your friend who became a size 4 after birth! Again, thanks for the positivity! 🙂
Thanks Julia!
From Mothe/Grandma This is a very good article for husbamd who have years with their wives as well. You need to push you father ito reading this article. It gets harde after you turn 30 to lose weight easy. I also like the tips about ridng the bikes an working out with your spouse. Good advice and good work in making the young husband as well as the old husbands aware that they need to do the same things they did to get us in order to keep us.
Thanks Mom!!!!
Nice article. I will put some of these into play for myself as my husband still looks how I looked when I was pregnant with our youngest child 6 1/2 years ago!!!! So sometimes I crack a few jokes, not that I haven't gained weight. But he never makes any remarks to it, probably cuz he knows better, LOL!!!! I'm going to try and encourage more thou. Even though when I asks if he wants to go walking with me he always say next time!!!! Keep up the good work Yannie!!!
Thanks Tracy!
Great Article! I'm a big girl (plus size 18). I'm always putting myself down and saying that I need to loose weight and my husband will kindly walk over and grab all of me and say loose it and you will loose me! That makes me feel so good inside, but I do know I need to get things in order if I want to live to see my kids have kids & etc. I thank god I married someone that is still attracted to ALL OF ME after 11+ years!!!! ILUVMESUMHIM!!!!
I love that Staycee2! I love it when a man can let you know he loves you for you!
Reading this article made tears come to my eyes. I just recently had a c-section a few day ago & I have a ton of fluid build up in my entire lower body, which makes my stretch marks on my butt & thighs look huge. I haven’t had time to put some attention to my hair & Let’s not talk about wardrobe. I still have this pregnant look, but the terrible thing is my husband has to help me do everything from a shower to picking up the baby for me. He looks at me like I’m disguising. This last night he asked me when I was gonna put some merderma on my stretch marks. But, what really cut the cake for me was he was watching TV & was going on & on about how good & sexy this female looked. He was yelling (literally) for 5 minutes from down stairs & came up stairs to tell me how sexy she looked during her performance. Sooo…..you can imagine how low my confidence was & still is. Plus, during pregnancy we had intimacy issues due to my weight & the fact that I had a huge belly w/ a baby in me. So….this doesn’t make anything any better. I feel so unattractive; pre-pregnancy I was a runner. Plenty of ppl say Im just all belly, but my husband see’s different…..so much pressure to be attractive esp. when compared to ppl on TV. nnWell…..sorry for being long winded. I just needed to vent. This shows me I need to pray more; because this should have not affected me this much. It’s hard to get my mind off of it cause I have to look in the mirror everyday. BTW…..I luv luv your article 🙂
Thanks for commenting Princess! I do understand the anxiety of feeling like you have to compete with those on TV especially after having a baby. It can be stressful but you have to know most women on tv wake up each morning looking just like you and I! The only difference is they have a team to transform them each time they step out the door.u00a0 I think you should focus on recovering from your C-Section and taking care of that beautiful new life that you and your husband were just blessed with.u00a0 Of course we want that extra boost from our husband especially after we have the babies and our bodies look NOTHING like they used to before we had them. But most of that boost has to come from you.u00a0 Start to build your own self confidence which will help.u00a0 I think your husband will see that confidence and start to see you differently.u00a0
Thanx so much 🙂 Your encouragement is boosting 🙂
You’re welcome. Stay encouraged beautiful!
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This is a good article if for nothing else but a reminder of how far a compliment can go when it comes to our wives. My wife is not small anymore I know. From a track runner to not running a track at all, three kids, going to school and working and I still love her for who she is. I try to encourage her to loose weight not just to feel confident and sexy again without question but for health purposes. She lost her mother to cancer and had a bout with a different kind of cancer (form other than her mother’s) herself. I try to encourage her for that main reason…to live a healthy life and one of many years with me, with as few health issues we both can shew off.
What am I doing you may ask? I am a military man and loves the gym and the result of looking good for my wife and wearing things she believes compliments me. Need nothing more.Brother’s, yes we want her to be sexy but take a look at yourself and ask how she views you, then consider the health issues as we all age. Walking more and hitting the gym are just good habits.
I love this article. When I first started reading it, at first I thought I wrote it…lol…I have 2 yr old triplet boys. Just like you many people tell me I look amazing to have carried 3 babies but it feels so much better when those same words come from my husbands mouth. It really is hard to lose weight after the kids but having the encouragement of your spouse/significant other can do wonders.
So true and congrats to you and hubby on the triplets! It’s lots of work but all worthy it!