Your mate is not a mind reader. I know it sounds funny but it is the truth. Ask for what you want. Give your mate the opportunity to step in and meet your request. How many husbands and wives have had these thoughts:
- She should have known what I meant after all these years.
- He should know what I want.
- It’s not as special if I have to tell him.
- If she had thought first, she would have known I wouldn’t like that.
- He ought to know me better than that by now.
- If I have to ask for it, then I don’t want it.
You want your mate to know you intimately, and that comes with great communication and time spent together. BUT it still does not make your mate a mind reader.
Some mates are naturally more thoughtful than others or more thoughtful in certain areas. Take that into account and don’t set yourself up for disappointment. At the same time, this does not let a spouse off the hook who must learn to become more thoughtful and attentive. The responsibility rests on both parties. Be reasonable in your requests and give yourselves the opportunity to grow together.
If you want a chocolate cake for your birthday, make that known. Waiting for your mate to surprise you with a cake may leave you disappointed. You should not be mad at your spouse if this happens. Why? Because your mate is not a mind reader. Ask for what you want or happily go get your own cake. If you want your spouse to help with dinner and putting the kids to bed but they have their feet up while talking to the girls on the phone or watching sports, don’t get mad if you haven’t asked for help. Why? Because your mate is not a mind reader.
Thinking thoughts and dropping hints does not help produce the desired results. This does not count as open and honest communication.
Asking for what you want or need is not pushy or rude. It can be but it doesn’t have to be. Communicate your desires from a place of love instead of a place of accusation. Love talk will win over pushing obligation every time.
Here are examples to get you started asking for what you want.
- Hun, I really like it when you_______________________, can you do that more often?
- I want to do something special for my birthday, can you help me plan it?
- I would like a surprise for our anniversary. I don’t even care what it is just surprise me.
- I feel so good when the house is clean, let’s cleanup together on Saturday mornings and then go to breakfast.
Manipulate the suggestions so they work for your situation. Don’t manipulate your spouse. Dropping hints, pouting, being angry and the silent treatment can all be used to manipulate a situation to get your way; that’s not the goal. The goal is to communicate your desire and give your spouse opportunity to help you meet the need for the betterment of your marriage. Thinking your spouse should already know something can be a hindrance to communication; don’t let it be. Your mate is not a mind reader… ask for what you want.