You’ve been arguing for weeks, and everything your mate does annoys you to no end. You’ve stopped kissing and haven’t had sex or real intimacy in what seems like forever. Your schedules are busy, and the kids have so many things going on that you’ve just become functional parents, trying to survive the long days and short weekends. You’re like two ships passing in the night, and the connection is breaking down. You start rethinking this whole relationship and marriage thing…you start thinking you’re growing apart and maybe there isn’t any turning back.
The truth of the matter is that it’s not that you’re growing apart; you just aren’t doing what it takes to stay connected! You see no one ever tells us about these things called “seasons” that anyone in a long-term relationship is bound to go through. WELP!!! Now that you know you’re in a season, you now have to figure out what to do next to successfully navigate through it.
1) START WITH WHY!
Sometimes you have to go down memory lane with your mate. Remember why you love each other, why you married each other, and why you got disconnected in the first place! Is it something personal? Is it something your mate is doing, or is it just a miscommunication? Many times if you can just remember why you got started in your labor of love, then it gets easier to work through, over and around any roadblocks that may get in your way.
2) SCHEDULE IT!
It’s time to make each other a priority again, so if you can’t find the time, MAKE the time and schedule those re-connection and rekindling sessions. It’s probably time for a vacation or (on a smaller and more affordable scale) a STAYCATION! You need some one-on-one time where sparks can fly again, and you can focus on each other with no interruptions. That means no work, no kids, no housework and no worries of the adult world. You’re going to be amazed at how much you still are into each other and the things you love about each other will suddenly be realized again. So, don’t make excuses as to why you can’t do it, just find a way to make it happen because your relationship needs it!
3) INVEST IN IT!
Many of the seasons we go through in our relationships require new skills in order to make it through them successfully. Many of us only have the “skills” our parents taught us, and we all know that sometimes those skills are insufficient. You may have to go to a class, attend a conference or webinar, buy or rent some books…but you have to DO SOMETHING! There is no shame in admitting that you may need help in matters of marriage and love.
4) STOP RUNNING FROM IT!
Sometimes the hardest thing to do with your mate is reconnect because we are afraid of the effort it might take. We are so busy that we find reasons and say we don’t have the time; when in reality, we are afraid of the effort it may take. While it’s true: we have obligations related to the children, work, social activities and other things, but what we forget is that all those things tend to be even better when we are connected, healthy and happy with our mates! If your mate is your support system, then don’t let someone so important get the leftovers of your time, attention or energy. Trust me when I say that there is NO better feeling than walking into a peaceful home with good energy!
Relationships and marriages aren’t perfect and sometimes bad seasons happen, but the ones that stand the test of time make their connection a priority! So stop “growing apart” and start reconnecting!
BMWK, how do you reconnect with your spouse after busy seasons?
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