Before I was married, I enjoyed the single life. I loved hanging out with my girls almost every weekend. Our single behavior included taking road trips, not having to check in with anyone about where I was going and not having to let anyone know when I would be returning. The single life definitely had its moments of enjoyment.
In this article:
- Flirting with others
- Attention seeking
- Playing games
- Withholding information
- Going ringless
- Living like you’re single
- Sharing secrets
- Talking like you’re single
- Pursuing temptations
- Hiding social media status
10 Signs Single Behavior Has Crept Into Your Marriage
However, after I said “I do,” I acknowledged there were some actions that couldn’t join me in marriage. In order to make a relationship work, I believe there are certain behaviors married folks just shouldn’t do. Here are 10 signs that you may be acting single while married:
Sign 1: Are you flirting with someone other than your spouse?
For most singles, flirting comes with the territory. It’s a single behavior that is fine when dating. However, flirting with someone other than your spouse could destroy your marriage (even if you think it’s innocent). I have learned flirting is never harmless, especially when married. I’ve watched couples struggle to recover after the initial flirting led to infidelity in their marriages. All those flirtatious behaviors, like batting those eyes or exchanging sexy glances should be for your spouse’s benefit only.
Sign 2: Are you seeking attention from someone other than your spouse?
Who doesn’t enjoy compliments or attention from someone who recognizes their assets? Hungering for attention from someone other than your spouse is sending out a message about your marriage. If you’re craving that attention, then share it with your spouse first and request more of what you need.
Sign 3: Are you playing hard to get with your spouse?
Making your spouse chase you is another one of those games singles can play, but us married folks shouldn’t. Having to prove themselves repeatedly or having to beg for intimacy is going to get really old really quickly.
Sign 5: Are you withholding information from your spouse?
I’ve discovered that vulnerability is another area where it’s cool for singles to keep some things to themselves while dating, but not so much for married folks. This kind of single behavior is for just that, the single life. I quickly realized that my marriage wouldn’t work if I don’t let my husband in and trust him with my baggage.
Sign 5: Are you choosing not to wear your wedding ring?
Are you intentionally selective when it comes to wearing or not wearing your wedding ring/band? If you’re removing it when you’re going out in the hopes of appearing single, you may be playing with fire. I take great pride in my marriage, and one of the ways I demonstrate that pride is by rocking my ring every day.
Sign 6: Are you living like you’re single?
Coming and going as I pleased worked for my single life, but it doesn’t work for my married life. Of course, there is freedom in my marriage, but my husband and I still check in with one another. Out of respect, we share our whereabouts. I wouldn’t want him to worry or wonder where I am. It just makes sense.
Sign 7: Are you sharing too many secret details about your marriage?
When I was single, I often shared my dating adventures with friends. I disclosed when a guy would call, who I liked and whether or not he was fun or boring. This is definitely a single behavior I chose not to bring into my marriage. As a result, I am purposely more selective about the details I share about my relationship with my husband. My marriage works best when I remember that it’s a partnership between my man and me.
Sign 8: Are you talking like you’re single?
Going on and on about how fine someone else is, how good their bodies look and what you’d like to physically do to them could be hurtful to your spouse. For me, demonstrating respect is key in a marriage. I don’t ever want to do or say anything that would cause my husband to feel uncomfortable.
Sign 9: Are you putting yourself in tempting situations?
My single girlfriends sometimes hang out in places where they know there will be single men. It’s intentional. Married folks should be mindful of situations and environments they place themselves in that could be harmful to their marriage as well.
Sign 10: Are you acting single on social media?
I’ve unfortunately witnessed the destruction social media has caused to marriages in my circle. From reconnecting with old flames to posting inappropriate pictures to criticizing and shaming a spouse publicly, each has the potential to destroy a marriage. Those of us who are married have to be mindful of the message our behavior may send to our spouse and act accordingly.
My married life is just as fun as my single life was. Of course, some behaviors had to change, but I’m proud to be a wife and my actions will always reflect that.
BMWK, what are some other signs for acting single while married?
Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on March 28, 2016. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.