When you’ve been married for a while, your relationship can take a hit on the gratitude side if you are not intentional about finding the good in your mate. Think about it. As a newlywed, the first couple of months are literally a honeymoon. You know how to love your spouse. You know why you love your spouse. You know why you are happily married. After a while, however, their polish starts to fade and you’re no longer blinded by love. The flaws that were once easily dismissed have become points of contention in your marriage and you don’t quite know how to handle it. Let me clue you in. Get grateful. Yep, that’s right. Gratitude is, indeed, the best attitude. As a wife of 16 years to the love of my life, 17 reasons I am grateful for my husband can easily flow from my lips like a river. But I get that it doesn’t work that way for everyone. Bring this topic up say, seven years ago, and it wouldn’t have worked that way for me either. So, before I drop my list of 17 reasons, let me first tell you what I did to find my spirit of gratitude.

I identified my weaknesses first

You know, the Bible is true when it says that you should “first remove the plank from your own eye before you can see to remove the speck of dust from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5 (NIV) Sure, my husband isn’t perfect, but I couldn’t see my own faults because I was so busy picking on his. Once I began to shine the light on my own glaring imperfections, I began to realize he’s one heck of a man for putting up with me. And, for that, I was grateful.

I got real about the root of our marital conflict

Okay, so we began to understand that neither of us is perfect. Now what? Well, our next step was to stop pointing the finger at each other like children and begin to take a hard look at our union like grown folks do. Were we engaged in effective communication? What bottled up needs did we need to let out? What did we each need to change in order to ensure we never returned to the place we were in?

Related: 17 Reasons I’m Grateful For My Wife

Now that the door had been opened and fresh air was let into our relationship, I could once again see the halo over my husband’s head. It was as shiny as ever. And here are 17 of the many things that keep me seeing it every day.

17 Reasons I Am Grateful for My Husband

• He makes me laugh so hard I fall on the floor
• He takes care of me when I am sick
• He goes out of his way to get my favorite…
• He drops whatever he is doing and comes to me the moment I say I need him
• He dreams big and works hard
• He hugs our sons and tells them he loves them
• He encourages and actively supports my ideas…the good ones
• He challenges my mind
• He teaches our sons to be responsible
• He trains our sons to be men
• He takes care of our extended family without hesitation
• He thinks and acts spiritually
• He is gifted
• He is sexy
• He is fun
• He serves without complaint
• He does the laundry
• Wow, I can’t believe it’s 17 already. I really could keep going.

There aren’t enough words to explain the way gratitude has changed the trajectory of my marriage. It is a force to be reckoned with. So if you want to see your marriage become better and better every day, find more and more things to be grateful for in your relationship. That’s really all it takes.

BMWK, why are you grateful for your spouse?