I’ve heard many women complaining about their mother-in laws and wanted to share some advice about how to deal with her. Women are not the only ones with mother-in-law issues; men also have monster-in-laws too. There are certain do’s and don’ts that can help you maintain your sanity when dealing with your spouse’s mother.
Do respect her
You don’t have to like her but you should respect her. You don’t have to go shopping with her, invite her to dinner or talk to her on the phone, but show her respect when you come into contact with her.
Do demand respect from her
Express your feelings to her regarding her treatment of you. Let her know her bad attitude is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it.
Do share your feelings with your spouse regarding the unfair treatment from his or her mother
You should let your spouse know how your mother-in-law mistreats you when the behavior starts. Be considerate when speaking to your spouse about their mother, after all, she is your spouse’s mother.
Don’t bad mouth her to your kids or family members
This causes confusion which can lead to arguments and discord in your marriage. It can also cause your children to disrespect their grandmother.
Don’t allow her to run your house
Be firm when she gives unsolicited advice or disagrees with your decisions regarding your marriage and/or children. Ultimately, you and your spouse are responsible for your marriage and your children.
Don’t worry if your mother-in-law does not like you
You are not married to her. She may pop in and out of your life, but she is not the center of your marriage. If you never take any of her advice, do learn one thing; how not to treat your future son or daughter-in-law.
Do you have a mother-in-law that disrespects you? How do you deal with her?
Yes, I had a mother-in-law that did everything that the above article says not to allow her to do, my husband never had my back and encouraged him to keep her “first” She wanted to be the only woman in his life after she found out she couldn’t conform me to her ways and I saw they ultimately functioned as a cult instead of a family, she brainwashed him into thinking that his family involvement with them was much more than the family we created which involved 3 kids and she ended up winning in the end, convincing him a life a divorce would be better and to actually fight for the kids that I have raised after him leaving a year prior to move in with her before we even started divorce proceedings. It really sickened me knowing she is also married and had kids, how would she have felt if her mother-in-law would have treated her this coldly, even influencing him to stop payment on the home that the kids and I lived in after his departure. Tough lesson to learn, young messy women turn into old messy women. I use the term women loosely.
im so sorry this happen to u but keep holding on to God and his unchanging hand Lynette cause i know exactly how u feel it happen to me but only from the dad , but if he couldnt stand up to his mom then u didnt need him anyway cause thats a coward and and a mommas boy and God says to love your wife and put her first but since he couldnt his loss and someone elses gain cause i dont know about u but im glad to be away from that drama. only truth is in the end the kids suffer more than the adults but dont worry God will deal with him. be bless honey.
Good advice!
Lynette, I am saying a prayer for your family, for the parents of your 3 children because they still need you two to be PRESENT parents. I pray that whatever the situation, GOD matures the father of your children, bridles the tongue and voice of the mother-in-law and comforts you while you grow through this. Everyday you pray for your children, their father, and their grandmother – they all need it.
Pray will change things!
Lynette,
It is sad that some women behave the way your mother-in-law does. I hate that is ended your marriage. I pray that you heal and are at peace.
People seem to be surprised and in awe when I speak highly of my mother-in-law. She is truly wonderful! Thankfully I have never had any problems with my mother-in-law. She and I have created a relationship that is forever cemented. Not everyone can say that and for that reasons these tips are lovely and much needed.
Amen Andrea!
Greetings to the all, my case is not pretty. My husband’s mother has always been nasty and rude. When we were dating she was nasty so when we got married nothing changed. I do not agree with people when they say you’re marrying the one you fell in love with not his or her family. However you’re doing just that you marry into a package deal. Blood will always remain blood and you can easily be replaced but their family will remain good or bad. For years my husband refused to see that his mother was disrespectful and nasty. It caused me to see him in a different light. The only advice I will give to anyone is beware of the family dynamics up front and save your self the heartach. I believe you rip what you sew!
I am in a similar situation after almost 20 years of being married. My MIL has talked bad about me to any body that will turn an ear to her over the years. I have confided in my husband repeatedly and he has done or said nothing. The last straw was recently when she spoke poorly about me to my guest at a function in MY house. I was angry and when I shared this with my husband and he disregarded me.. I was even more hurt. I told my husband that he has failed my feelings and my heart when it comes to his mother’s actions, and he just says nothing. But if he thinks that I may have said something wrong or slightly disrespectful about or towards her, he is quick to let me know. My feelings have changed toward him behind this ongoing. I love him and he is a good man, but he issues a pass for his mother’s behavior regarding me and it hurts.
Tee, I hope you and your husband worked through those issues.
Thanks a lot LaToya. You keep your head up too. Happy Mother’s Day to all!
Well, hello everyone , my mother in law is a piece of work. She has been treating me poorly since i met my husband. When i tell my husband he says its not because she doesnt like me its because she doesnt like him. Recently she invited my husbands ex-girlfriend/daughters mother to move into the same apartment building as her. The same building most of is immediate family lives in. They go to church together and they hangout with each other all the time. She really doesn’t like me. I don’t know what to do.
Michelle, if your husband’s mother does not like him, she has a problem that she needs to deal with. Is she married? Does she have a relationship with your husband’s father?
I’ve been with my bf for almost 7 yrs. We have 3 kids together. He is a wonderful man. I just can’t be around his mother that much because she always has to have things her way or she complains. Me and her have gotten into a big argument before and she had the nerve to speak upon my oldest (from another relationship) and how it bothers her my dad and my sister do not believe in god and my family was born into having money. Which is ridiculous my family worked their bottoms off. I had to put her in her place because her speaking of my child like that really pissed me off. I still til this day deal with her smart remarks and lil jabs. I’ve confronted her in front of her son and she sat there and denied it. My bf didn’t believe me for the longest time that his mother acted this way towards me. So now I am choosing not to come around her or to her house that much. His little brothers gf is kind of going thru it too. She’s tired of their moms constant smart remarks as well. I also have to deal with how they don’t like to pick up after themselves when they’re at my house. They don’t follow my house rules but when I am at their house I follow. Too make it worse my bf doesn’t want to be or get put in middle so that leaves me dealing with it alone.
Tawni,
I’m so sorry you are dealing with that issue. You do have the right to distance yourself from her. Tell her she is not welcome in your home if she continues to be disrespectful. Unfortunately, there are women who will find fault with their son’s girlfriend/wife. Be blessed.
this lady ruined my wedding. move and her son have been together for 8 years and share two daughters. she dont like me, we don’t speak but still she wants to see my children whenever she wants. she call my husband at work then he cal me asking me to send the girls outside. i think it’s disrespectful you cannot come to the door or text me about my kids then you don’t need them. tired of the bs
Ty, have you had a conversation about your feelings and how his mother treats you?
I have been with my husband for 21 years and in the past I had several problems with his mother interfering in my life. I vowed that I would not be like her when my kids get married. My oldest son recently got married. I try not to be like my mother-in law, but I can’t help it (especially when he and his wife asks my advise or opinion.) My daughter in law is very controlling and selfish. Ever since the wedding I have wanted to curse her out for disrespecting me. How do I handle my daughter-in-law without ruining the relationship I have with my son?
Mist, first off congratulations on your new daughter in law. I would recommend you pray and ask God for direction on how to handle the situation. If she is disrespectful to you, talk to her calmly and let her know how you feel. Just make sure you are not hostile. Also it could be a test to see if you act like you were treated by your mother in law. Don’t fall into the trap, it could only be a test. When they come to you for advise or your opinion, give them what the Word says. The Word is what is going to help them. Be blessed!
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My mother-in-law has not liked me from the start i am good for her son and to him me and him have come so far with what we have done for ourselves and new home and nice things none of her other kids have done this, they have no jobs and in and out of jail all the time i have always been good person no law troubles in all that i work for what i have always have and she has not and when they do something wrong she laughs it off and acts lie no big deal to me their all a bunch of trash but she is always talking smack about me to everyone and thinks i dont know it in fact she and my husband talk crap about me all the time when i tell him it is wrong he defends her and i have told him that it is wrong he gets mad at me for being mad about them talking about me but when i say something about her he gets mad at me and defends her i so much want to know his mother out what should i do i feel deceived cause he does not defend me against his mother.
Belinda, I am so sorry you are going through this. You shouldn’t be disrespected by your husband. You need to decide what is best for you.
What people don’t realize in this situation is that no matter how much you turn the other cheek its your mates responsibility to stick with you and support you fully. If your mate can’t do that then they are not upholding God’s command regarding marriage. “A man will leave his mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one”. Give it to the Lord and let him fight your battles and declare in front of your in-laws that you are involving only the Lord in your marriage and if anyone has a problem with it they should take it up with God. In regards to your spouse pray that God softens their heart and opens their eyes. Any man/woman that doesn’t look after they’re own family is lacking in Gods eyes.
Windy, well stated I agree.
Hi , I am a newlywed,
I am experiencing some issues with my MIL. She is controlling & Bossy. She wants us to stay up under her, because she will pay our way. I do not believe in someone consistently paying my way. Than I have to listen & agree to everything she thinks is right. Example the minute she thinks we or I buy something new, she goes into a rant about we need to save our money, or when purchased concert tickets she said the same, because we had already made plans & we weren’t going with her & his sister to hang out after the baby shower we attended together. So she says well , I got my credit , debit cards & money , etc.. & I am just looking at her like you should have these things your over 50. That was embarrassing in front of family like she’s insinuating we can’t afford what we did, well we’d plan for this concert from first hear, plus this was my first concert at the age 34. Anyways we bought a fixer upper home & she had something to say since we purchased steel & black appliances flat top oven her complaint was they all cook the same.none no different me, I am thinking exactly, but why are we having this conversation. Than she shut me out a few months before my wedding saying my fiancé & our happiness was disrespectful to his ex wife who they’d been separated over a year, she was dishonest with him & the kids made decisions to live with him. She wanted us to be on mute with our happiness . She always complaining about my Facebook , I post positive & pics of my self appropriately, well apparently she feels I am posting too much. I feel she’s real petty, my FIL has passed on to glory but she always ranting about finding her a boaz. I pray she does…. Also we all attend the same church. She’s a minister but only at church. There’s so much more but I am on my tablet…
I know my paragraph was crammed but he was divorced 6 months or better before our marriage. It took so long because his claim she didn’t receive the papers.