You can’t get close to her inside of the bedroom because you aren’t close to her outside of it! Uh oh, did I just say that? Why yes I did! Fellas, I know some of you are out there right now wondering why your woman always seems to be running away from you, when you are trying to be intimate or have sex with her.
You go left, she goes right; you try to touch her, she turns away; you tap her on the shoulder and she ignores you. You get frustrated because you feel like she is avoiding you and then the cycle of passive aggressiveness continues. Well, fellas here are some things that sometimes we’ve told ourselves about ourselves that may be leaving our wives not feeling close to us.
1) I’m Just Not An Affectionate Person
Okay fellas I get it…society told you that showing affection wasn’t a trait needed in a “man’s man.” I also know that for many of us, if we didn’t grow up in a home where you hugged, kissed, or said, “I love you” a lot, then it’s hard for us to do those things with our women. How do I know it’s hard? I know because I was that guy. I just told myself that “I’m not an affectionate person,” thus I found myself pushing away her affection. I would push away her advances not because I didn’t want them, but more so because I didn’t know how to receive them.
The only affection I knew was the type that would lead to sex, until I realized that the affection I showed without sex as the end game, was way more powerful. I had to make a CHOICE to be connected. That meant instead of saying I am not affectionate, I had to make sure I kissed her more often, held her hand more often, hugged her ‘just because’ more often, and even get sappy and say I love you more often.
No, those things didn’t come naturally for me, but what’s funny is that just like everything else in life, if we practice it enough we are bound to get better at it. Some of us as husbands need to stop saying what we aren’t and start being what we didn’t think we were.
2) I Just Don’t Like To Talk
Fellas just in case you haven’t noticed women like to talk and they like to be heard! A woman being heard is just like you wanting to be respected. You can tell yourself all day that you don’t like to talk, but when you get around your boys and you start talking about sports or cars or your “hay day”, you can run your mouth all day long! Just because you might not be interested in what she has to say, doesn’t mean you don’t need to engage in some dialogue with her about it.
Don’t keep putting her off and making her feel unheard and then expecting her to want to hear you when you come trying to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. I’m not saying that you have to become an expert at women topics of discussions (I’m not sexist…but ya’ll know what I mean!), but I am saying you need to become interested in WIFE topics of discussion (see what I did there)!
Oh and fellas none of that, “I’m listening” while still doing 3 other things type of listening either. Yeah I know how you do because I’ve been there, done that, and still try to do it sometimes until I catch myself, stop and really listen. She will appreciate your undivided attention and genuine interest more than you know.
Excellent article. All of these things encourage connection.
this is a word!
A very great article. A challenge to keep in mind do not program yourself to want a marriage, but build it! It is more fun because you will have to work at what works for the two of you being one. I never want to lead my husband but learn him. When he supports me emotionally I am SUPER excited! It helps make the love grow… sooner or later so much love will be laying around you won’t know what to do with yourself. A big ball of sensitivity.
Anything worth having is worth fighting for. No one can make anybody do anything or change anyone but I can say Love will make you give of yourself and think more of the other person and then the other person will do the same. There is no room for selfishness in a relationship. In marriage God said a man should love his wife like CHRIST loved the church, HE DIED FOR THE CHURCH, His love for the Church is powerful and is always giving. All the church had to do was submit to that love and respect it. God gave Adam Eve to have someone to commune with. Communication is intimacy, it’s how you get to really know each other, dreams, fears, likes, dislikes, hurts, pains and what makes you feel good. If anyone thinks SEX makes a relationship they will not last because animals do that and we’re more than animals. Just like God communicates with us and we talk to Him in prayer is an example of how we are supposed to communicate in our marriage relationship. Communication is the key to a lasting relationship and it’s two parts, listening and speaking.
Thanks Rebecca!
Thanks Shika! Please share that word with some others!
Thanks Ariel! Yes marriage must be built and the journey is fun if two people are willing to sacrifice!
Thanks Anonymous! I couldn’t agree more!
I also wanted to say that the woman was created fo the man. If men remember GOD said that the man needed a help mate. She was to compliment him. When something compliments something it makes it look better she helps to bring praise to that man. Read about the Prov. 31 woman in the bible. She makes him well known. Thats why GOD said that hen a man has a good wife he has found a good thing. It also talks about her values. A women is very precious in GOD’S. eyes a godly women. Even James Brown told men. This is a man’s world BUT IT IS NOTHING,NOTHING,NOTHING without a women or a girl.sowe all have something to work but men need to also reconize the onderful gift they have been given. They always talk about they are the head well set the example. Take the lead, follow the christ, he never looked down on women. Sorry but I felt this was something that needed to be said. My husband always tell his friends when they start talking about women. You guys are on your own I’m out of her and he will leave because he knows where I’m getting ready to go.
Ashe! *Snaps* You spoke to my life about affection. At 22 years old and at the birth of this dating experience, learning to show affection is a struggle. It really throws off the men that I meet because the woman is usually more affectionate. They could see I desired to both give and receive it but struggle with putting affection into action. This is also reflected in my relationships with family and friends. I was conditioned to not be affectionate due to what I have witnessed in my parents marriage. As a result I have never had a relationship before because I was not able to receive the affection that these great men were willing to give. But your article gave me hope that I this is definitely something I can overcome with action.
What if, it’s your wife with the 3 LIES?
Then what?