Are you unhappy? Are you living a life that just isn’t what you expected? Do you feel like things shouldn’t be the way they are and you are trying to figure out why?
This happens to so many of us. You start down a path, expecting one thing, only to find what you expected just isn’t there. It’s disappointing at best, devastating at worse.
And when we find ourselves disappointed or devastated, we look for someone to blame. And the people we blame are often those closest to us. After all, if you feel unhappy with your life, surely the person you chose to spend your life with is to blame, right?
Just because you feel frustrated, stuck and disappointed with where your life has landed doesn’t mean that the person you share your life with is to blame. I’m not suggesting you married the perfect man, and everything that’s wrong is your fault. That’s not fair either. But even if you married a jerk, is blaming him for all your unhappiness really the way to go? Should anyone ever be unhappy without taking some responsibility for it?
So if things aren’t working out the way you hoped and you find yourself feeling down about where you are, here are three reasons why you need to stop blaming the person you married for your unhappiness.
1. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness
We each have to take responsibility for our own happiness. Waiting for someone else to make you happy always leads to trouble. Sure your spouse can add joy to your life and enhance how happy you feel, but he should not be responsible for making you happy. Our choices should determine how happy we are, not what another person does. When you put that kind of pressure on your spouse, you are giving someone else a responsibility that should be yours. Plus, if your first objective isn’t to make yourself happy—but rather wait for someone else to—you were likely already in a dark space of self-doubt and depression.
2. Doing nothing is the same as accepting where you are
If your spouse is doing something that is making you unhappy, you have the power to act. Of course, you can’t change what he or she is doing, but you can change how you respond to it. Staying stuck in a crappy relationship without taking any steps to improve things (or walking away if it’s really bad) doesn’t give you the right to just blame your spouse. We all have free will and another person can only make us unhappy for an extended period of time if we allow it.
3. Blaming others usually means we need to look at ourselves
Blaming is usually a sign that we need to do some work on ourselves. It doesn’t mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It simply means that you need to dig deep so you can figure out why you are unhappy. Are you happy with your health? What about your career? How are things going on the parenting front? Is your spirituality a priority? Is something else weighing heavy on you? These are tough questions to answer but taking the time to answer them may help you realize other factors may be contributing to your unhappiness, and it’s really not about your spouse.
BMWK family, are you blaming your spouse for your unhappiness? Or when you’re in an unhappy state, how do you get out of it?