Were you deeply in love with your spouse when you got married? Most people are. Here is the person who you have taken the time to get to know, appreciate, adore, and then love. A future together feels right. So, you take the leap. You jump the broom. You join the club. And, for a time, aside from the occasional dust up typical of newlyweds, you feel blessed to have found “the one.”
Then, some form of lightning strikes and blows the whole thing up. Out of nowhere, disaster hits and your relationship is wholly unprepared to handle it.
- Maybe it’s an illness.
- Maybe it’s the inability to have children.
- Maybe it’s infidelity.
- Maybe it’s the loss of a child or family member.
The love that was once impenetrable now has to contend with the “worse” of “for better or worse.” You both feel ill equipped to deal with the fallout, so you seek advice from the advice givers and counseling from the counselors. But no matter where you turn, you are still left wanting. All the while, your marriage is crumbling beneath its once rock solid foundation. Your world of bliss has transformed into a world of disaster and you don’t know how to find your way back.
Even as you are trying to find your way back to love, other things will vie for your attention.
Well, I won’t tell you I have all the answers. Maybe your marriage has come face to face with Clubber Lang and ended up with a bloody lip and eyes swollen shut. You know you are in for the fight of your married lives and the prediction is “pain!” But before you give up and throw in the towel, I want to remind you of one thing. Love never fails. Remember the love you had at first and use these three tips to turn your marriage around.
Focus on the Love, Not on the Problem
Without a doubt, one of the easiest traps a troubled marriage falls into is the non-stop reference to the “issue”” in the relationship. Even though it’s major, and even though it needs to be addressed, an incessant acknowledgement of the problem won’t help to fix it. In fact, that does more harm than good. Instead, place the issue to the side for a moment and just start being nice to each other once again.
- Make him a cup of coffee when you make your own
- Open her car door when traveling together
- Start a journal of things you love about your spouse, then share it with them
These things won’t be easy to do at first. But plant the seed, water it, then watch it grow.
Develop Relationship Strengthening Habits
Even as you are trying to find your way back to love, other things will vie for your attention. It could be work, or the kids, or your parents, or debt. They will all be clamoring for first place on your schedule and tempting you to push your marriage to the side. A great way to combat that is to develop relationship habits for which there are no compromises.
- If date night is Tuesday, then the boss has to reschedule his mandatory meeting or have it without you.
- If you have a set counseling session, then help your mom with her grocery shopping on a different day.
- If a client calls with an urgent problem, remember, there’s nothing more urgent than getting and keeping your marriage on the right track.
Don’t let anything interfere with the good things you are doing to save your marriage. It’s just that simple.
Stay Plugged-in to Each Other’s Needs
As things progress and the relationship starts turning, it’s imperative you remain completely connected to your spouse. Whatever the issue, your marriage began to fall apart the moment you two become emotionally and spiritually unplugged. Take the time to find the balance of intimacy and passion in your relationship. Small talks over breakfast and surprise lunch dates will open heartwarming lines of communication. Late night talks in bed can serve to bring you closer in more ways than one. Remember, this fight isn’t won or lost in one round. It’s important to stay the course and go the distance.
BMWK, In what ways do you fight for your marriage and turn it around?