Boy oh boy can life have its way with us. As long as we live, we will continue to experience the ups and downs that are thrown our way. Some of it can really knock the wind out of us if we don’t have a strong enough support system.  And your marriage should actually be that system.

When life hits your spouse hard, it’s not your job to hit them even harder.

Couples should know how to support one another through the trials. And because every person is different, it’s important to be in tune with what’s needed within your relationships and for your spouse. When life hits your spouse hard, it’s not your job to hit them even harder.  Here 3 ways to really be there for your spouse when they need you the most.

Don’t Blame Them… Be Encouraging

I remember when I was laid off from my job and how devastated I was. It took me a while (a year to be exact) to find another job.  I started to feel like a failure, wondering why companies weren’t calling me back. The silver lining in that struggle was my husband.  He took care of everything and made it so that I really didn’t have to worry.

The key to being supportive during a job loss is not blame but encouragement. Use words that remind your spouse of how awesome they are and that something will happen for them soon. Remember, prayer changes things. Pray with your spouse as well as for your spouse. Be careful not to embarrass or belittle them for the time it might take to find a job. If you see effort, applaud the effort. Also consider creating fun and cheap ways to have date nights. Constantly doing things that remind the other person that money is tight could be hurtful.

Give them space

Losing a loved one is always difficult. People in general have a hard time knowing the right things to say to a person grieving. Again, prayer is also needed during this time more than ever. We must also remember everyone’s needs are different when it comes to dealing with death.

Knowing your spouse and being aware of their needs will help. Give them space and allow them to tell you what they need most and be willing to give them that. If it’s silence give them that. Time alone, give them that. Be understanding when they make their request on how they’d like to be supported.

When I lost my grandmother and then a few years later my step father, my husband seemed to know what I needed. He didn’t use a whole lot of words, but his physical presence, how he looked at me and how he held me in his arms were really all I needed.

Forgive Them

In life, we sometimes make mistakes. Some are costly and hit our marriage pretty hard. Poor financial decisions, car accidents, or even just making the wrong choice in a situation are a few examples. The one thing most people find frustrating is when they are reminded of the mistake over and over again. As long as responsibility is taken and a solution has been created, couples should be able to move on. There is no need to harp on a mistake when it was a mistake. Forgive, learn and move forward together.

Again, life can be hard on an individual and a marriage. Couples must find ways to love and support one another even more during trials. Paying attention and remaining connected to your spouse will always help in knowing how to support them when they need you most.

BMWK, how have you supported your spouse during trials?