What is your stance on sex before marriage? A popular pastor whom I follow quotes that sex can be considered three things — “gross, god, or a gift.” I believe this to be very true in our day, due to how sex is overrated outside of marriage and underrated within marriage. In this post, we talk about why not having a physical relationship before marriage is better for a couple.
Sex Before Marriage | Why Waiting Until Marriage Works
- Having Sex Before Marriage Complicates Things
- Waiting Until Marriage Keeps God at the Center of Your Relationship
- Learn How to Talk Before You Walk
- Postponing Sex Before Marriage Keeps You from Being Attached Before “I Do”
- Sex Before Marriage Is Not as Good as Sex Within Marriage
Having Sex Before Marriage Complicates Things
It is gross to those who have been taught their entire life that sex is bad and will cause people to look at you differently. For some, it can become a god, taking over your time, money, and relationships in order to appease it. But, it is God’s purpose for sex to be seen as a gift. Sex is a gift to be shared with your spouse within the confines of marriage. My wife and I, by the grace of God, were both virgins at the moment of saying, “I Do,” to one another on our wedding day.
Based on our first-hand experience, here are four benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex.
Waiting Until Marriage Keeps God at the Center of Your Relationship
Honoring God in our relationship was my wife and I’s supreme goal and saying no to sex made that goal easily accomplishable. God is the inventor of marriage, which means you need Him in your marriage in order to have a healthy one. The stages before you say “I Do” are the most crucial for laying a solid foundation for your marriage.
Establishing a no sex boundary will keep you focused on the important aspects of a courting relationship. Yes, the desire to have sex will come, but with God, you will be able to have the strength to resist temptation. Trusting God in your relationship will help you to make a confident decision when you feel that person may be the one you desire to marry.
Learn How to Talk Before You Walk
Communication has always been and will always be one of the key components of a healthy relationship. My wife and I had a long distance relationship, so the majority of our time spent before marriage was over Skype or on the phone. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but it was so worth it.
We really learned about each other on so many levels, and when we did see one another, the boundaries we had set in place kept us focused on enjoying one another communicatively versus physically. Early sexual satisfaction in a relationship delays you from discovering key areas of the relationship, such as the ability to commit, compatibility, and agreement on future goals.
Postponing Sex Before Marriage Keeps You from Being Attached Before “I Do”
There are only a few things that can attach you to someone for the rest of your life and two of those is a child together and sex. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but can also be a challenge to raise in hard circumstances. Protect yourself from this by agreeing to wait until marriage to have sex.
Another attachment that can form through sexual activity is a soul tie. Sex was created by God to tie that couple together forever. But when done outside of marriage, the same effect happens, but now it’s an illegitimate tie versus a covenantal tie. Premarital sex may feel good at that moment, but that’s all you will be left with after that night is over. If the relationship doesn’t work out, then breaking it off will be much easier if there hasn’t been a spiritual soul tie through sex.
Sex Before Marriage Is Not as Good as Sex Within Marriage
You can guarantee that if you abstain from having sex during your courting stage, the value you place upon one another will last your entire life. This value adds volumes to your sex life in marriage. Studies show that those who wait to have sex are happier in the long run.
I do not look at my wife like a piece of meat but like a treasure worth being handled with tender care. I proved that to her by denying my flesh and leading the stand for our purity. Our wedding night was the most beautiful encounter as we exchanged our gifts to each other that night. Our marriage was established on a sure foundation with God in the center of it all. Married people have the best sex!
Hear DeVon Franklin’s thoughts on the benefits of waiting until marriage in this video from GoodGuySwag:
Even if you have already had premarital sex in a previous relationship, that doesn’t disqualify you from making the decision to abstain from having a physical relationship before marriage. If you are in a sexually active relationship now but desire to change things, then pray for God to give you wisdom as you approach your girl/boyfriend. I guarantee you it will be worth it in the end.
What about it, BMWK Family? What are your reasons to wait until marriage? Tell us about them in the comments section.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on March 12, 2014. It has been updated for quality and relevancy.
Jamal Miller is the Co-Founder of Married and Young.com (www.marriedandyoung.com), a community committed to doing relationships God’s way, alongside his wife Natasha Miller. He has been involved in Pastoral Ministry for over 8 years, graduating from Christ for the Nations Institute with his Practical Theology Degree and Ecclesia College with his Bachelors in Christian Leadership. Jamal is a Site Coordinator for an After School program and Student Ministries Pastor at All Nations Worship Assembly in Chicago.