Being a man, you come across and befriend other men of all kinds. Some are career centered, some are women centered, and the rest are just trying to enjoy life to the fullest. Every man is different, but when it comes to marriage, its very easy to notice those that aren’t ready for marriage. But if you don’t look closely, you can be easily fooled. Here are 4 traits that can be overlooked, if not intentionally looked for, that reveal a man that isn’t ready for marriage.
1. Double-Minded
Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. Proverbs 12:15
The bible states in the book of James, a double minded person is unstable in all their ways. A double minded man is unstable in his character and feelings which ultimately results in him not being able to make sound decisions. Good decision-making is a necessary trait needed by a man desiring marriage. As a husband, he will be responsible to lead, provide, and protect his family. When a man is double minded, he will lack the confidence to be secure in his ability to lead well. Today you will find those who cannot commit to one woman in a relationship, has a hard time keeping a job, or lacks motivation to complete tasks is struggling with double mindedness. If he doesn’t obtain mentors, wise friends, or pastoral support, a man can easily isolate himself which inhibits him from dealing with this issue.
2. Sneaky
The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble. Proverbs 17:20
Honesty, trust, and transparency are pivotal ingredients for a healthy relationship. A man that lacks these will be sneaky, telling half truths and living alternate lives just to keep you from learning the real him. A man ready for marriage will desire to hold nothing back from you, for he will not be ashamed for you to learn the real him. A sneaky man may even try to turn the tables on you because he knows he can’t be trusted, ultimately not trusting you. This requires an acknowledgment of the need for accountability on all levels to see this issue resolved.
3. Lazy
2 Thessalonians 3:6-10 states, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and do not follow the tradition they received from us. For you know that you ought to imitate us. We were not idle when we were with you. We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you.”
The church at Thessalonica was a church full of young, new believers. Each epistle written by the Apostle Paul addressed each churches specific challenges and those issues needing to be focused on. We see him here addressing that issue of laziness. He encourages them to stay away from any believer that is not living according to the tradition they had set in place. That tradition was simply working hard. Those being called out were not just sitting at home doing nothing with their time, but later in the passage he addresses them meddling in others people business. In verse 11 Paul says, “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business.” This makes it clear that they were not living their life’s on purpose, but wasting God’s given time on selfish gain. A man that is lazy, is not ready to marry!
4. Angry
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19
A man’s ability to be patient in marriage will make or break key moments in the relationship. This was something I had to learn before I got married because I saw how easily frustrated I became when things didn’t go my way. I had to ask God to help me in this area because I knew I would need to be able to control myself during high conflict moments with my wife. Now being married, I thank God he brought this to my attention before marriage. We have encountered times that my wife said out of her mouth, “Babe, thank you for being patient with me even when I knew you could have become frustrated”. If a man cannot control his anger then marriage will be very challenging.
Andrew Baker says
This a good read but seems like the title should say 4 Biblical Traits of A Man or Woman that is not ready for marriage vs just a man.
mary sonnier says
Knowledge is power. Great!
Anonymous says
I agree.
Anonymous says
So now, if you are married to a man or woman that has one or more of these traits, how do you go about fixing them or suggesting changes, because you’re now not going to get a divorce because of these, so now the couple needs to work on them… what do you suggest?
Ms Audrey says
The Truth Shall Set Us Free
As far as I’m concerned these ARE UNGODLY TRAITS. I would seek professional help/take it to my pastor. But first both husband and wife need to be in agreeance that we have an issue or issues because it will take the two to work through them together. It doesn’t happen over night.If one is in denial or refusing to acknowledge what is there to work at my personal opinion would be WHY stay in the marriage. Look deep before you get married best wishes to all involved
Feed back please help me understand a different view
Adrienne says
I don’t think the “title” matters. His ministry is what God called him to focus on. One with wisdom will make the application to both sexes. In reading it, I know it applies to the reader. There are scriptures that use, he him brothers brethren and apply to both sexes.
I really enjoyed this and will share.
Andrew says
As a man dealing with some of the issues addressed above, what are some practical applications (pertaining to double-mindedness) for changing your behavior?
Suave says
Practical solutions for addressing double mindedness starts with your relationship with your friends, family and what you commit yourself to professionally.
1. Any “friend” that cannot givr you honest feedback on what u do wrong,end the friendship. This vice is treatrd with sterile suppory from those close to u
2.Read read. .believe it or not. Spend time reading novels and minimize entertainment outlets that promotes the vice that u wish to escape. The mind is too powerful.
3. Remember, peoples trust come at a high price, and a double minded person does not have the funds to afford it bexause he/she would have to make the same commitment
Joshua says
I’m a widower, I was married for 22 yrs before my wife passed away 23rd ago. I meet someone who was ready for marriage. I was very up front with her that I was not ready and didn’t know when I will ever be ready for marriage again. She accepted that with in her mind that she couldn’t changed my mind or situation. She realized she was wrong. She know I love her and I know she love me, but let her know that love is not enough. Your heart have to be in it and my heart is not for marriage again. Now I’m none of these traits. If I could form any kind of comparison to these traits it would be double minded when it come to her all out pursuit to get marry.
Joshua says
I’m a widower, I was married for 22 yrs before my wife passed away 2yrs ago. I meet someone who was ready for marriage. I was very up front with her that I was not ready and didn’t know when I will ever be ready for marriage again. She accepted that with in mind that she could changed my mind or situation. She realized she was wrong. She know I love her and I know she love me, but I let her know that love is not enough. Your heart have to be in it and my heart is not for marriage again. Now I’m none of these traits. If I could form any kind of comparison to these traits it would be double minded when it come to her all out pursuit to get marry.
JustMe says
It is understood that both genders need to have their acts together. Why do men get so defensive & point the finger back at women though? You are called by God to be the head. To comedically paraphrase spider man with great power really does come great responsibility. If a company or team is having issues the CEO, coach or captain are usually the focus because of their roles & what comes with it. As a woman I can say a real man has great influence over a decent woman. Can’t include selfish people or hoes in this from either gender. Some young brothers are killing each other & random people at an alarming rate. That can’t honestly be said about our young sisters. Yes some sisters have issues but the point is everything that applies to one gender does not always apply to another just simply because of who we are and how we’re made, wired, the calling on our life etc. In a monarchy a King always trumps a Queen. BE A KING. Basically stop being so defensive & focused on what women need to do & just focus on who God has called you to be all the while walking in that calling. That’s like a child saying but she did it too or we both did x so why did she get 3 less licks than me? That’s immature thought process and a trick of the enemy to take you off of the focus of being the best who & waking in what G. Help these young brothers graduate Own ur ish, be responsible for u, & make sure you hold the other men & women in your circle to the same standards as yourself.
Denise says
GET YOUR STUDiES in young lady open a KJV Bible. Seek GOD for the TRUTH
1st you are every were in your thoughts it is NOT a women’s role/responsibility to mold a man it is the fathers role we are HELP MATES
JustMe says
God called you to be. Help these young men graduate from prince to king. Somehow those 2 statements got cut out.
Nenfot Gorip says
Very lovely n enriching piece