by LaDawn Elliot,
Love is all around us, it is an infinite energy that has no boundaries. It is an un-explainable feeling that can consumes every fiber of our being. It is an emotion that we simply have very little power to control. The heart knows no prejudice, it doesn’t see race, size, or class. It simply loves who it loves. Love can stand on its own and doesn’t ask permission to exist. One does not have to agree with who the heart chooses to love as it is going to love them anyway. You can deny the love, runaway from the love, and try to suppress the love, but it does not make the love any less real nor does it stop the deep yearning you quietly hold in your heart for a person. As powerful as this one little emotion is, it still has to be nurtured and cultivated in order to flourish and thrive.
Life happens to us so fast that we often forget to express love, give love, or allow ourselves to receive love in our daily walk. I find that couples suffer greatly from Love Deficiency Syndrome (LDS). Due to all the external things that people have to expend their energy on, significant others tend to get placed on the back burner and end up being taken for granted. This, unfortunately, can result in moderate to severe cases of (LDS) becoming the norm in a relationship.
Finding and maintaining love is no different than striving to obtain any other goals that we have set for ourselves. Just as we have to plan and consistently work towards achieving all of our life’s goals, we have to recognize that love has to be planned for and worked on as well. Listed below are a few things I suggest couples do in an effort to reconnect, recommit, refresh, and restore the love in their relationships daily.
Two Occasion Love
Remember this song verse – “I only think of you on two occasions…that’s day and night.”
Begin and end each day with a warm embrace, a passionate kiss, and a heartfelt “I Love you” no matter what transpires during the course of the day. This fills your day with energy, anticipation and excitement, and gratitude and appreciation for your mate, as well as your relationship.
Write down a list of your favorite things about your mate and place them on your smart phone and/or work calendar as reminders, ticklers, or alarms that alert you randomly throughout the course of the day providing you with continuous affirmations and confirmations of your love for them. These quick, yet powerful, reminders keep you in a positive mental and emotional state about your mate. It allows you to maintain a positive attitude about your mate and your relationship. It also reminds you to be grateful for the gift of love and blessing of partnership. Great examples of love alerts are:
- things that made you fall in love with your mate
- things your mate does that make you smile or laugh
- things that make you proud to be his or her mate
- things you find attractive about your mate
- things your mate does for you that no one else knows about like: polishing your toes,
- laying your shaving cream and razor out every morning, or reading to you every night in bed
It is vitally important for couples to take a moment to reconnect with one another physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually EACH AND EVERYDAY. Identify a designated time in the morning or evening to schedule anywhere from 15 minutes to 1 hour (depending on what your schedule allows) each day to unplug from the world and really tune into one another. This means turning off all electronic devices (cell phones, laptops, iPads, nooks, kindles, televisions, and radios). Pre-recorded music on cds, iPods, or mp3 players are acceptable as the music could help set the tone and create a serene relaxing space.
In order for this to be meaningful and impactful to the relationship, the couple has to commit to checking in every day, even if there is nothing to discuss. Simply fill the time with holding one another, listening to music, remembering what it is that you love, appreciate, and value in one another, cooking, exercising, praying, making love, etc. There should not be any pressure associated with what to do during this time. It should be viewed as the respite/retreat that you have been looking forward to all day to be loved, comforted, and supported by your best friend/life partner/confidant. It is critical that couples designate a time in which they can be consistent. It should be a scheduled time that you look most forward to in your day.
The Happy Game
When the hum drums of life have settled into your relationship you have to mix in a few drops of “remember when” to refresh the batter and ignite the spark again. Because people are so focused on the day to day stresses of life, they often times FORGET TO REMEMBER the many wonderful things they do for their mates or the fun things they have done as a couple. When you are sitting around and watching a re-run of your favorite sitcom together, or money is tight and you can’t just go out for a night on the town, stop and play The Happy Game.
The Happy Game is when each of you take a turn sharing with each other a happy memory of time spent together. One person could share a memory of a romantic vacation that was taken together. The other person could share a memory of a time when dinner burned on the stove while you all were making love and you had to end up eating cereal for dinner. This sharing can go on for as many rounds as you like. The purpose of the game is to remember the love and the fun times you have shared during the course of your relationship. It serves to refresh your memory, stimulate your sense, and invite passion and romance back into your relationship.
LaDawn Elliott is a Relationship Life Coach, Author, Speaker, Relationship Advice Columnist, and creator of Atlanta’s Premier Love, Sex, and Relationship website Lip Service Lounge. She has affectionately been dubbed the “Relationship Rescuer” because of her personal approach and the honest, practical, real-world advice she offers to couples. She enlightens couples in crisis by awakening their self-awareness; thereby empowering them to be conscious decision makers that are accountable for their thoughts, words, and actions. HIS vision is her daily mission to strengthen and save the family unit one relationship at a time. Follow her on twitter: @LipSvcLounge