There are countless reasons to end a relationship. Sometimes the road leading to a break up is long, painful and complicated. In those instances, ending things is probably best for both parties involved. But what if things aren’t that complicated and your partner just made an awful mistake? Should your relationship end because of it?
It’s a tough call to make. When you love and trust someone and you feel like you’ve been betrayed, being able to trust again is hard. What if you are getting played? What if the lies continue? What if this has happened before, but this is the first time you found out?
And although it’s never easy to answer all of these questions, many people in damaged relationships must answer them in an effort to figure out what’s next. Staying in a relationship where the trust has been damaged is never easy, but neither is walking away. We all make mistakes, but how can you determine if you can move beyond what happened or if you are stuck in a painful place?
If you feel like your man made a mistake and you are finding it hard to forgive him, how do you decide if he deserves a second chance?
I would never encourage any woman to stay stuck in an unhappy situation, but I do think there are times when a mistake doesn’t have to mean the end of a solid relationship.
Here are four signs that your man may deserve a second chance.
You Believe His Apology is Genuine
We all know when an apology is being delivered just because it’s what we want to hear. If your man just seems sorry he got caught or sorry that you are so mad, I think that’s a crappy apology, and it’s not worth much.
But if his words and actions show you that he is genuinely sorry for what he did, how it made you feel, and how it impacted your relationship, he may deserve a chance to make things right.
He Has Never Given You Previous Reasons to Mistrust Him
No one is perfect. If your man has always been good to you, has never raised any red flags (be honest here) and he has always given you reason to trust him, maybe you should hear him out. It’s possible that he made a mistake he regrets with all of his heart.
They say that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. That said, if his past is honorable, maybe one bad mistake shouldn’t overshadow that.
He is Willing to Do Whatever YOU Need so the Relationship Can Heal
If your man does you wrong and he wants the relationship to heal on his terms, I would have serious doubts about moving forward with him. The healing process should be on your terms. If you want to go to couples counseling, he should be willing to go. If you need individual therapy to process it all, he should respect that and give you space. If you need to talk about why he hurt you, he needs to be willing to have that conversation—no matter how uncomfortable it makes him feel.
Your feelings should be his top priority, and he shouldn’t be interested in rushing your healing process. Now if you are taking years to heal, then maybe it’s time for both of you to move on. But if you need a reasonable amount of time to work through your pain, he should give you that—no questions asked.
You Can Forgive Him
Forgiveness is something that most people struggle with, and the inability to forgive prevents many relationships from moving forward. If you feel like you are able to forgive your partner and move on, that’s a sign that things might be worth working on.
However, if you feel so hurt that the idea of forgiveness feels impossible, things may not work out. And that’s okay because he may have done something that you can’t move beyond. Now at some point, you will need to forgive him just so you can move on with your life, but forgiving is very different than being able to trust him again. If you don’t think you will ever trust him again, move on. You have to ask yourself where you stand in order to make a decision about moving forward.
Clearly, you know details about your man and your relationship that I don’t, so the decision to stay or leave is a deeply personal one that only you can make. I get that. But if you are really struggling with what to do next, maybe the points made here can help you determine if your man deserves another chance.
BMWK ladies, how would you decide if your man deserves a second chance?