Let’s face it. Getting married is easy. It’s the staying happily married that can sometimes be challenging. What I’ve found is that sometimes we become comfortable and aren’t as diligent, as we were when we were dating, in trying to keep the harmony.
If you are feeling like your husband just doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t understand your needs, even when you voice them, then here are a few bad behaviors that may be preventing him from hearing you and taking you seriously.
Being a Brat
Easier said than done. My first reaction when I’m upset is, “Operation Silent Treatment”. It was like clockwork…you make me mad, I’m shutting down. But, I’ve gotten better. It’s perfectly fine to take a moment to get yourself together because cooler heads do prevail, but walking around pouting and not talking because you’re mad? OK, come on. How do you expect him to take you seriously if you’re behaving like a petulant child?
I read so many magazines, blogs and articles that tell single women to “play hard to get”, “make him chase you”, “hold out until you get your way”, etc. Well, if that worked for you, I guess that’s fine. But some of you don’t stop even after you both say, “I do.” Please cut it out!
There is no need to string your sweetie along or play mind games to get him to do something you want him to do. There’s a word for that. It’s called manipulation and if you have to result to that in your marriage, then there are bigger issues at hand.
A man’s ego is astronomical. It’s no secret that the best way to cut your husband down is to shoot down his ego. Ladies, you know this. We ALL know this. So, tampering with this is below the belt. Don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s OK to turn your man into a mouse with your cruel, harsh and belittling words, even in the heat of the moment. Leave the tomfoolery and the antics for the reality shows. You need to stroke his ego. It will cost you nothing. It’s actually very rewarding for both of you.
We all know the cliche, “Behind every great man is a wonderful and powerful woman.” Well, it’s true. When I met my husband, he was a young budding financial associate. Now, he is a well-respected key player in his organization, great husband and awesome father. I’m not taking credit, but someone in the relationship has to make sure he eats right, his appointments are made and that he knows the dates of the dance recital, basketball games and the church socials. Not to mention, someone to create a space for him as a refuge from the world that can toss and turn him and virtually leave him dead. Be there for your man.
I’ll never forget the Ebony Magazine cartoon I saw about 20 years ago. A bride and groom were standing at the altar. The bride’s bubble over her head read, “Jackpot – $$$”. The groom’s bubble read, “Finally some help with these bills!” Basically, she looked at the union as a “jackpot” and he looked at it as gaining a help mate. While this type of thing needs to squared away during pre-marital counseling, you still need to do what you can to contribute to your relationship the best way you can, whether it’s financially or emotionally. You can’t always make withdrawals. But, you have to make some deposits, too!
BMWK – Do you have additional bad behaviors that have no place in a marriage?