I love being a parent, it’s my greatest responsibility. I’m shaping and molding young innocent minds. Yes, my girls will listen to what I say but they will also watch what I do. I have to be very careful with the lessons I’m teaching them.
There are certain types of behaviors I would like them to display as adults, that I can look back on and proudly say they got from me. I want them to be intelligent and beautiful women, especially beautiful on the inside. I want them to be great daughters, excellent wives and awesome future mothers. As I think about the lessons I was taught by my mom and am currently teaching, I wonder how many of those lessons could also be applied to my relationship and their future marriages.
As adults, we sometimes forget what we were taught as children once we get married. My mother equipped me with a few very powerful lessons that I have also told my daughters that could easily be demonstrated in any relationship, here are a few.
“Don’t be stingy”
I was taught to share. I could hardly ever say no to my siblings or my mom. She doesn’t like selfish folks and would remind us if we ever forgot to share.
In marriage, the same rule should apply. Sharing your time, energy, your body and love with your spouse is key. Your marriage includes both of you, so make sure that sharing comes naturally in your relationship.
“Treat people the way you want to be treated”
I was taught to respect others and treat others like I want to be treated. I often remind my girls of this golden rule as well. Because I never wanted the man in my life to disrespect me in any way or call me out of my name, I have never done it to him.
Now it helps that I chose a good man also. But I have to be loving because I too desire love. I must listen because I like being listened to, and I must show love and affection because I like to feel that too. Most of the things I desire my husband does too.
“Don’t lie to me”
As a child, I couldn’t even say the word “lie,” so you know I had better not tell one. We had to be honest about what we did and how we felt. Can you imagine how powerful a marriage would be if both partners practiced this philosophy? If all marriages were built on truths, and there was nothing you couldn’t be honest about in your relationship, then that would be a strong foundation for a lasting marriage.
“Be kind”
As children, we are also reminded to be gentle with other people’s feelings. I too share this one with my girls. I remind them not to gossip and talk about their friends behind their backs. I let them know how drama affects peace and could cause more trouble than they want.
The same is true for marriage. The majority of married folks I know want peace in their home. It becomes a little harder to obtain if both partners aren’t being kind to one another. Couples should be gentle with their words and address any issues with their spouse first and not with those outside the marriage.
“Listen twice as much as you speak”
I remember hearing, pretty often, that I had two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening, in my opinion, is the most important piece of communication. When you don’t listen you miss a chance to truly connect with your spouse and understand a need they may have. Active listening is a lesson we should continue to practice.
We should never stop learning in life or within our marriage. There are so many valuable lessons we learned growing up that, if we applied today, would make us a much better spouse.
BMWK, what are some childhood lessons you learned that you can apply to your marriage?
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