Anyone remember the lyrics to that popular After 7 love song, Ready or Not? Here are just a few of the lyrics:
“I’ll give the sun
The rain
The moon
The stars and the mountains
I’ll give you the world…
Ready or not
I’ll give you everything
And more
All that I’ve got it’s yours…
I’ll give you everything
All that you’re looking for
I’ll give you my heart
My soul
My time
My love is a fountain
I will be your earth
And all that you need for
And even more”
For some of us that was our jam. Many of the women listening were probably desiring a man just like this one, who wanted to be our earth and our everything. And some entered into their marriage with that exact expectation and then some. I’ve seen couples struggle unnecessarily as a result of those unrealistic expectations.
In my opinion, there are certain things your spouse doesn’t have to be in order for your marriage to survive. In fact, I’ve seen more marriages work when the following expectations haven’t been placed on their spouse. Check out these five roles your spouse doesn’t really have to play:
Your Best Friend
Although my husband is mine, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way for every couple. As long as there is a friendship in your marriage and an understanding, it’s okay if your spouse doesn’t carry the title of bestie.
Your Parent
Most spouses aren’t usually equipped to fill the void an absent parent left in a person’s life. Things like approval, acceptance and helping you work through abandonment issues might be challenging for your spouse. So we have to stop expecting it of them.
Your Child
Barking out orders and issuing punishments or consequences is needed for parenting, but that doesn’t often work well within a marriage. A spouse is an equal partner who should be included in major decisions and treated as just that, a partner.
Your Servant.
A spouse isn’t in the marriage just to serve. One doesn’t have to be at the other’s beck and call and only be there to meet their partner’s needs. It works both ways. Both partners must do some giving and taking.
Your Everything
A world that revolves completely around your spouse is one that also leads to regret. The reason you wake up, breathe or exists, just like the song lyrics above usually don’t make for a very healthy marriage from what I’ve witnessed. Your spouse simply cannot be the main source of your happiness.
It’s easy to expect marriage and your spouse to fill every single need you’ll ever have, but it isn’t usually possible. The role of spouse is to add to and complement our lives not complete them.
BMWK, what other roles do you think spouses don’t have to play?
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