I think we are all a work in progress. Anyone who isn’t trying to make improvements, daily, is pretty self-absorbed if you ask me. After all, none of us are perfect.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t be happy with who you are. I happen to love myself. But I also know that I am flawed. I make mistakes every day.
But I want to do better. I want to be a better mom and friend and daughter. I also want to be a better wife. I’ve been friends with my husband for over 20 years and we’ve been married for almost 9. And yes, even after all that time, I think I can still be a better wife.
But what does that does that even mean, right?
If I already think I’m a good wife, what can I do to become a better one? It’s simple really because becoming better doesn’t need to be complicated. You don’t need to change who you are or how you move through the world to be a better spouse. All you need is a level of self-awareness and the willingness to make a few simple changes in your life.
Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to change just a little bit if you know those changes will make you a better wife and ultimately improve your marriage?
I know I am.
So here are 5 straightforward steps (because no one has time for anything complicated) that will help you become a better wife.
It’s easy to pass judgment or get frustrated with your husband because of what he did or didn’t do, but if you are able to have more empathy, it will change the type of wife you are. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes. And when we do, what we need most is the person we love taking a moment to walk in our shoes. By doing that you step away from a space of judgment and arrive at a place of understanding. It doesn’t excuse whatever wrongdoing your spouse engaged in, but it does allow you to see things from a perspective other than your own and that makes you a better wife.
Speak Your Truth
If you expect your husband to read your mind, I have to burst your bubble and tell you that he can’t. He can’t and he never will. Not ever. No one is a mind reader. As his wife, your job is to speak your truth clearly and respectfully. Your husband needs to know where you stand, how you feel, and what you need. If you can’t openly share those details, don’t get mad at him for not understanding. He can’t understand a thing if you can’t bring yourself to be honest.
Give Yourself What You Need
Your husband is not there to meet all of your needs. There are some needs you must fulfill on your own. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Spend time with your girlfriends. Eat well. Pursue your dreams. Invest time and energy into meeting your own needs. I promise that once you do that, you will be far more satisfied with what your husband does to fulfill his obligation to meet some of your needs as a husband.
Learn to Forgive
If you can’t forgive, I can only assume that you’ve never made a mistake. What? You have made a mistake? Well, that’s not a shocker. We all make mistakes. That said, you must learn to forgive. No marriage can thrive without forgiveness.
You have to realize that even if someone loves you to the ends of the earth, human beings will mess up from time to time. I’m not suggesting that you accept crappy behavior because that is crazy. But I am suggesting that you always forgive. Even if you decide that the marriage won’t work, you still must forgive. Your soul needs it.
Ask for Help
The best thing I have ever done for my marriage is ask my husband for more help. Sure, it would be nice if he always knew when I needed his help, but he doesn’t. Sometimes, he has no idea. Sometimes, I have to open my mouth and just ask. And not just from him, but from everyone in my tribe. When you ask for help instead of struggling and trying to do it all alone, you become a better wife and every relationship in your life begins to improve.
BMWK wives, what steps do you take to become a better wife?