Have you ever asked this question – Who is that man or that woman sleeping in my bed? Surely this is not the person that I married.
You may have had this conversation with yourself at some point. If you haven’t had this conversation with yourself, you probably will at some point.
You will probably ask this question not because you don’t love your spouse but because you are learning and experiencing a side of them that is new to you. There are depths of your mate’s personality that you are yet to experience. Take it all in stride, this is not unusual. Marriage generally begins with great passion. The freshness and adrenaline are running so high that your “Boo” can do or say no wrong.
In time the adrenaline wears off and the reality of life begins to set in. New facets of your personalities come to the surface and you may or may not like what you see. This is not the time to give up, but the time to hold on to each other and learn the lessons that this new season of marriage has to offer.
This season of reality may come 2 months, 2 years, or even 10 years into your relationship. There is no set time. It depends on you and your partner. Yet, no matter the year reality comes, embrace the change and don’t fight against it. Trust me, nothing and no one stays the same. As you and your mate evolve you expose more and more of your true selves.
You may say, “I haven’t changed, I’ve been this way all along”. This may be true. During the honeymoon phase of marriage things that are now annoying, may have been there but you didn’t even notice them.
Here are five suggestions to help you make it through this season and come out stronger than before:
- Don’t fight the change. Understand that it is a new season. Not a bad season but a new season.
- Talk often. Talk through the rough patches. So what you now realize she can’t stand to cook and neither can you. You both have to eat so come up with a plan that serves you both.
- Discover new joys. This is opportunity for both spouses to be a little more vulnerable and open themselves up to discovery.
- Exercise patience. Marriage is like school. You are learning something new every day. Just as you had to be patient to learn your lessons in school, be patient through this learning process.
- Eliminate sarcasm and complaining. Not much needs to be said here. Sarcasm and complaining do little if anything to help your relationship. Instead speak life into your home.
“Who is that sleeping in my bed?” Who is it – it’s your mate. Embrace your honey and work through this season together.
BMWK, Have you ever went through a period in your marriage where you didn’t recognize your spouse?
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